Battle Scars
by LostMyPen
Summary: Just how much can one person take? McKaycentric, team fic with SheppardMcKay friendship.
1. Chapter 1

McKay-centric, team fic, with Sheppard-McKay friendship  
Summary: How much can one person take? (yes yes, vague and annoying- but I don't want to give anything away)  
Feedback: yes please!

Disclaimer: I own McKay, Sheppard, Ford, Beckett, Teyla, Weir, Zelenka and Bates … but, uh… you can have Kavanagh, if you really want. :P

(1)

* * *

"Jeez, why didn't the MALP warn us about the heat?" I complained from behind the others, futilely waving my hand like a fan, trying to cool my face. 

"That's what I was going to ask _you, _McKay." Sheppard grumbled, sparing a glance over his shoulder to shoot me a dirty look. "Isn't it your job to look over the MALP info?"

I gave up on the fan thing, letting my hand drop. "Of course. And I did! The scanners must have malfunctioned, maybe because of a virus… I _did _see Kavanagh messing with it a couple weeks ago." I glanced up at the sky resentfully, wondering if this place might have two suns. "Or perhaps something on this planet busted it when we sent it over. Hm. Either way, I'll have to look at it when we get back."

I think Sheppard had stopped listening to me. And I had a sneaking suspicion Teyla and Ford had never started.

We plodded along the dusty path in relative silence after that. I say relative, because I was letting the others know of my discomfort on a regular basis.

"McKay, we get it!" Sheppard finally decided to yell, not even having the decorum to look over at me when he did. "We all know it's hot out here. It's not some big secret!"

"Well you wouldn't be able to tell from the pace you guys are walking at!" I snapped back, just as irritated as he was, "Can't we slow it down? It's too hot to exert myself like this!"

"The quicker we reach the city, the quicker we can go home." Teyla pointed out reasonably, totally ignoring my plea for rest.

"City?" I rolled my eyes, recalling what Teyla had told us of the Brewin people back in Atlantis during the briefing. "A city implies technology of some sort. And from what you've said, I get the impression we'll be lucky if these people have indoor plumbing, let _alone _anything that would be useful to us. Which reminds me," I stopped walking, wiping a hand across the back of my neck in an effort to rid myself of the sweat that had begun trickling down my back. "Why do _I _even have to be here?"

The others finally came to a stop too, Ford pulling out his water bottle and taking a swig.

"You didn't have any complaints before." Sheppard reminded me, running a hand through his hair and actually succeeding in making it look crazier then usual.

"That was before I knew this place was a freakin' furnace!" I exclaimed, following Ford's lead and taking out my own water bottle.

Sheppard watched me drink the water, and I knew he was resisting the urge to bring out his own. Why he would resist that urge, I had no idea. "You're here to answer any questions they have for us about technology we could potentially share."

Feeling a little more refreshed, I lowered the canteen thoughtfully. "Hmm. Right. I suppose none of you _could _handle that task." I sighed, aptly ignoring their glares while pouring some cool water into my hand and splashing it onto the back of my neck. "Next time, take Zelenka with you, all right?"

Sheppard nodded fervently, beginning the trek down the trail again. "Oh, you can count on it."

I tilted my head slightly to the side as Ford and Teyla started off behind him. "Wait a minute." I held up a finger, although no one was looking in my direction and none of them stopped. "Were you just being sarcastic?"

"Of course not, Doctor." he called over his shoulder.

I jogged to catch up to them, getting to the front of the group and stepping in time next to John. "Sometimes I wonder why you didn't go into stand-up," I commented, stuffing my water bottle back into the pack. "But then you open your mouth and it becomes painfully clear how _not _funny you are."

He shook his head and I heard him mutter quietly, "It's too hot for this."

Reaching into my utility vest, I decided to test his theory, pulling out my scanner and pressing some buttons. The read-out beeped a moment later. "My God!" I stared at the small screen, "It's 106 degrees out here!"

"Yeah, sounds about right." was all Sheppard said.

I turned to Teyla and Ford, waving the scanner in front of them frantically, looking for support in this outrageousness.

Teyla smiled at me apologetically and Ford just adjusted his cap.

"You people are insane!" I declared, hands dropping to my side in defeat.

"Aw, c'mon McKay." Sheppard laughed at my expression, resting a jovial hand on my shoulder while urging me to continue walking. "Didn't it ever get hot up in Canada?"

"I wouldn't know, because like any _sane_ person, I was in my air-conditioned house!"

He grinned, "Ah. I remember air-conditioning. Nice invention, that."

We can't use the Ancient form of air-conditioning that Atlantis provides, preserving what little energy we have until we find another power source and all that. Thankfully though, the Ancients had been sensible enough to colonize on a planet with reasonable seasons, and not on some godforsaken hell hole like MG7-855.

"We'll be back to Atlantis soon enough." Sheppard said, kind of talking to himself now. "This is just a meeting to make sure we're friends, and hopefully- cross our fingers here- trade for some food."

"The Brewins are a practical people." Teyla spoke up from behind us, sounding very sure of herself. "They would not deny the friendship of a potential ally against the Wraith."

"Heads up, Major." Ford said suddenly, his voice tense.

I turned in the direction the Lieutenant indicated with his lifted P-90, although the warning hadn't been for me. Standing at the end of the path, covered in the shade from the trees around them (ah, shade!), was a small group of people, conversing with each other and watching us.

"All right, it's just a welcome party I'm sure." Sheppard said, carefully pushing down Ford's gun as he spoke. "Be cool." He waved casually as we continued walking towards them.

"Hello!" An older woman with graying hair greeted us pleasantly, speaking for her group. Their dress was similar to Teyla's, with crude weapons strapped to their backs and waists. Her eyes traveled over all of our faces, doing a double-take when she saw Teyla. "Is that…? You are an Athosian?"

Teyla smiled, nodding, "Yes. I am Teyla Emmagan."

The woman cocked her head to the side, tapping a finger thoughtfully against her chin, "Emmagan…Emmagan… Your father, I believe I remember him. We had a rather interesting discussion about Athosian beliefs many seasons past."

Teyla brightened immensely at the mention of her dad, "You must be Yolee! My father spoke very highly of you and your people."

"It is me." Yolee agreed with a smile, looking the younger woman up and down and commenting softly, "You look just like him." She shook her head sadly- then clapped her hands together, seeming to break out of her thoughts as she turned toward us. "Well then. Who are these fine young men accompanying you?"

Teyla, quickly overcoming her initial surprise, introduced us all in quick succession.

"Pleased to meet you." Sheppard said politely, but immediately jumped into the business part of our trip. "So, who do we talk to about possible trade negotiations?"

Yolee blinked, surprised at the sudden question. "Well, that would be myself and Orin." She spun on her heel, rather sprightly for an old lady, I couldn't help but think, "Come, follow me."

"More walking?" I whined, but only so Sheppard could hear me.

He rolled his eyes, but I could tell he felt the same way. It was damn hot.

Teyla had migrated to the front of our little group and was conversing comfortably with the Brewins. Mostly Yolee, though.

As we walked through the forest- which, actually, was a nice change from the path, at least _here_ we had some coverage from that merciless sun- the most disappointing thing about this whole trip was that I had nothing to look forward to once we reached the city. No Ancient ruins to search through, no strange inventions to tinker with… Lost in my self-pitying thoughts, I barely managed to avoid a nasty collision with a tree-root.

"Damn it!" Steadying myself by leaning on a nearby tree trunk, I kicked the root angrily, grumbling, "Should've stayed back on Atlantis."

Sheppard, slightly ahead of me now, turned back with a frown when he noticed I wasn't beside him anymore. "Quit lagging, McKay." he ordered impatiently, grabbing a part of my utility vest and pulling me off the trunk.

I managed to resist the urge to repeat what he'd said in a mocking voice as I fell in step next to him. But just barely. This heat was obviously doing funny things to mind; my thoughts were drifting in a very un-genius like way.

In an attempt to get my usual high-functioning mind back to being high-functioning, I pulled out my scanner for something to do.

Beep beep boop beep.  
Boop boop beep.  
B-beep b-beep boop boop.  
Beep boop--

"Stop that!" Sheppard snarled, his temper evidently running on a short fuse.

I cringed. All right, I admit it. I had been getting into the beat.

A moment later, the scanner beeped again, and I swear Sheppard almost hit me.

"Hey! It did it by itself!"

He watched suspiciously as I checked the read-out.

"Huh. That's interesting."

"What is it?" he asked, a hint of concern lacing through his exasperated voice.

"Oh, uh nothing to worry about." I assured him, reviewing the data, "Just seems that the Brewin's are a bit more technologically advanced then I'd thought."

Sheppard raised an eyebrow, "You're sure it's nothing to worry about?"

I shrugged, "I wouldn't think so. I'm only getting readings of low-powered computers, running electricity…" I trailed off, waving a hand dismissively, "That type of stuff."

He nodded, "Doesn't seem too dangerous."

"Unless you're threatened by calculators and light bulbs, I think we're good."

I was still looking down at the scanner when Sheppard's hand pushed against my chest, stopping me. Glancing up, I saw that we had reached a clearing in the trees--Yolee and her group were facing us, a smile lighting up her weathered face.

"Our town lies just ahead." she announced cheerfully, indicating yet another path. "Unfortunately, my group and I must leave you now. We were on a hunting expedition when we saw that you visitors had come." She shared a look with Sheppard, promising, "I will return soon-- then Orin and myself will discuss trade negotiations with you. Until then, please make yourselves comfortable at the Town Square."

John tried to smile, but it came out as more of a grimace. The heat was just too much. Instead, he only repeated, "You'll be back soon?"

Another grin before she confirmed, "Of course."

We parted ways with the Brewins; Teyla and Yolee sharing a brief hug before we began our walk down another path. Another path. In 106 degree weather. I didn't even have the energy left to complain about it.

Fortunately though, this walk was a short one, and we came upon the Town Square almost immediately. Many Brewins were scampering about looking busy; some pushing carts full of food, while others carried appliances for various jobs. In the middle of all the hustle and bustle stood an enormous fountain, shaped like an unnecessarily large human head, spewing water from its mouth and ears.

"Yay." I commented unenthusiastically, adjusting a pack strap that had begun to dig into my shoulder. "We're here."

Teyla was looking remorseful. "When I was told stories of the Brewin people, this… intolerable heat was not mentioned."

"I find that hard to believe." was my grumbled reply, knowing _I_ wouldn't forget the discomfort of this place for a long time and would talk about it to anyone that would listen.

Turning away from Teyla, I noticed Sheppard looking towards the numerous stone buildings situated in the area, creating a sort of half-circle around the expansive Town Square. "Maybe it's cooler indoors." he said thoughtfully.

"I'm willing to try anything." Ford told us, having taken off his hat to rub the sweat away from his short hair. "They might not appreciate us just walking into any of the buildings though…"

"Who cares?" I snipped impatiently.

But Sheppard ignored me, already walking forward into the crowd, stopping a random Brewin and asking, "Excuse me, do you have a…" he waved a hand, trying to think of the right word. "visitor's center?" he tried hopefully.

The man nodded, pointing toward the buildings, our attention now on the smallest one in the group. "There is a water-pool inside where you can freshen up if you like." He looked us all up and down, a small smile playing on his lips, "You look rather uncomfortable."

Sheppard smirked, "Yeah, we're not really used to this kind of heat." He turned to the rest of us, "Let's go to the uh, water-pool guys."

After thanking the man, we gradually made our way through the crowd of Brewins, finally arriving at the innocuous building. It was dome-shaped and looked to only be as large as a small convenience store. Carved above the door on a wooden plank in fancy-lettering were the words 'Water-Pool."

"Creative."

"Quiet, McKay."

Sheppard, always in the lead, pushed the heavy-looking door open and stepped inside. "Oh wow." I heard him say, though it was spoken quietly.

"What is it?" I demanded, coming in behind him and expecting to see strange murals or some more crazy-looking fountain heads.

But I didn't see anything, I just felt. "Oh." I breathed. The room was actually cool. Cold, not hot. Magnificent.

Closing my eyes and taking in the wonderfulness of it all for a second, I felt my entire body temperature lower. The heady, unfocused McKay was gone, replaced by the clear-thinking and level-headed me.

I finally opened my eyes, seeing the others satisfied faces looking just as comfortable as I was.

"This is nice." Ford said, grinning ear to ear.

"Yes it is." I agreed, looking around to take in my new surroundings. There were bright and happy paintings hanging from the stone walls all around; and placed artfully between them were small tidbits of information about the Brewins themselves in little framed cases. Apparently, the town of Brügmoore had been founded nearly six hundred years ago.

Yeah, _that_ was interesting. Anyway, I quickly bored of reading information on people I didn't really care about, so I turned to the water-pool -- standing like a slightly oversized bird-bath in the middle of the small area.

I no longer felt the desperate need for water anymore though, so I went over to one of wooden benches situated against the walls of the room instead, sitting down heavily as I shed the heavy pack from my back.

The others quickly followed suit, sitting on the other benches and taking off their own packs.

With nothing else to occupy ourselves with, and none of us really being the silent types, we got into conversations of sports. I don't really remember how it started, but it quickly morphed into me defending my favored sport of hockey against Sheppard and Ford's precious football.

"Why the hell is it even called football?" I demanded, trying to steer them away from offending the Vancouver Canucks, which they seemed to be dangerously close to doing. And I wasn't sure I'd be able to be friends with them anymore if they did that. "Only _one_ person on the entire team even kicks the ball!" I exclaimed, holding up a finger to illustrate my point.

Sheppard scoffed, "Let's not even get into names. I mean 'hockey?' Come on!"

"What?" I asked heatedly, dropping the finger and rounding on him. "What's wrong with 'hockey'?"

Ford and Sheppard exchanged a knowing look that irritated me to no end.

Teyla, who had been watching us amusedly but mostly silently for the last half hour, finally spoke up, "These sports are very interesting, but I'm afraid they both pale in comparison to the Athosian game of Poundball."

The three of us shared curious glances, temporarily putting our, uh, 'discussion' to rest as Sheppard repeated curiously, "Poundball?"

"Yes." She nodded with a smile, continuing, "A team game, that, truthfully, sounds much better then your Earth competitions."

Our interested was piqued, and since she'd pretty much challenged the entertainment value of our sports with that statement, Teyla began explaining the rules of Poundball to us.

Right in the middle of a rather fascinating, and, not to mention _painful _explanation of a 'ground pass,' the door to the visitor's center suddenly banged open.

"Yolee!" Sheppard greeted with surprise, rising to his feet quickly. Ford and Teyla did the same, but… I wasn't quite ready to get up yet.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting." She said, tucking strands of gray hair behind her ear and breathing a bit heavily, "A rather large Ganoo didn't want to be our supper tonight." She flashed a toothy grin, saying proudly, "Fortunately though, we managed to convince him." While she chuckled at her own joke, we sort of smiled awkwardly.

She seemed uncomfortable standing in the cool room though, so she quickly went to business and asked John, "Are you ready to have that meeting with Orin, Major Sheppard?"

"Sure," he answered instantly, slipping his pack up onto his back. He looked over and saw I was still sitting on the bench, hands linked behind my head. He frowned, asking sarcastically, "You coming?"

"Uh, that'd be a 'no'." I said, pretending I'd forgotten how to identify sarcasm, "Sorry."

After a long moment of consideration, he finally sighed and said, "All right. Ford, you stay here with McKay. We'll come get you both if they have any questions." The lieutenant grinned happily, obviously pleased that he wouldn't have to go out into the heat again. "Teyla, you ready?"

She nodded.

And the three of them left.

I glanced over at Ford, who'd promptly slumped down on the bench again, pulling his hat down over his eyes. "You think Poundball is as good as Teyla makes it out to be?" I asked.

I made out his grin from underneath the brim, "You ever known Teyla to exaggerate?"

I laughed, "True enough."

We lapsed into silence after that, Ford taking a sort of cat-nap, while I pulled out my laptop and worked on catching up on some reports I'd been putting off.

But that got boring fast. I'm sorry, but here I was, sitting on another planet, in another _galaxy_ and… doing _paperwork?_

I just couldn't.

Snapping the laptop shut, I slipped it into my pack, rising to my feet.

"Hey, where ya' goin'?" Ford asked, pulling up his hat and blinking a few times, trying to clear away the drowsiness from his snooze.

"To find Sheppard," I strode towards the door, "the Brewin's probably have questions about the technology on Atlantis, and we both know how up-to-date the Major is on that subject."

"But you didn't want to go earlier…" he tried.

I shrugged, pausing by the door as I slung the pack over my shoulders. "I do now."

"All right, all right." he gave-in, waving a hand at me, "Just wait one second."

I tapped my foot impatiently as Ford stood, stretching leisurely and giving a big yawn. Taking his sweet time, I might add; as if I wasn't standing there waiting.

"Okay." he finally said with a heavy sigh, coming up next to me and baring his teeth. He was obviously bracing himself- but in true Ford fashion, all he said was a sulky, "Into the furnace then."

I pulled the door open, immediately feeling the heat waves from the outdoors intrude into the cool, little room.. I stood for a second, in-between the heat and the cold, enjoying the bizarre sensation before Ford rudely poked me in the back.

"Aaagh." I commented, feeling the full effects of the heat when I stepped all the way out of the building and onto the dusty planet.

"Yeah." Ford agreed, walking out behind me and giving me a resentful look, "I hope you're happy about this."

I sniffed, raising my chin, "Of course I'm not happy. I'm doing this for the team."

He scoffed, "Oh yeah. 'For the team.' Admit it, you were just bored."

I stomped away from him, avoiding collisions with busy Brewins while looking about the buildings, wondering which one they were having the meeting in.

"Hey!" Ford suddenly yelled, sounding alarmed.

I began a turn to find out what was the matter.

But I didn't find out.

Because quite suddenly, I lost consciousness.

----

* * *

----

TBC… as soon as beta finishes up the second chapter. (:

-Thoughts?


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for all the lover-ly reviews! I'm glad you guys thought everyone seemed in-character! (:  
Erisinia- you made me laugh during a crappy day, thanks for that. :P

Disclaimers- take a look at chapter one. Surprisingly, Kavanagh's still up for grabs! (shock and awe)

-- So, without further ado, I present chapter two.

(2)

* * *

. 

"_Mister McKay here doesn't seem to understand what a know-it-all is," Mr. Paulsen sneered in front of the classroom. "A show-off even."_

The class snickered.

I lowered my hand, staring down at my desk, "But - you called on me!"

My vision wavered, and the floor of the classroom morphed into a giant chessboard, the desk disappearing into the ground. I was lying on my stomach, staring at the checkered floor-- but I… I couldn't move. Something on my back…

Mr. Paulsen's face appeared again, leering. He was mouthing something at me. But I couldn't quite… He was yelling something. It sounded like… But, no, it couldn't be. Paulsen didn't even know about Beckett.

"I didn't call on you; you just opened your big mouth." Paulsen scoffed, sounding clear as a bell now. "As usual!"

My cheeks burned as the class laughed again. The chessboard disappeared, and I sat in my chair again.

The other students were staring at me. Smirking.

Working up some courage, I stood up from my desk, insisting, "That's not true--"

"Oh, just shut up, McKay!"

"…call on him? He's going… wake up soon, right?"

My mouth felt dry as cotton balls, but I decided to try out my tongue. "'Nngah?"

"Hey! You awake?"

I peeled my eyelids apart, seeing a blurry Sheppard staring down, looking worried.

"Wha--" I swallowed, everything was a bit fuzzy, and confused thoughts of a chessboard and my mean-spirited fourth grade teacher still swum in my head. "What happened?" I rasped.

His look went in quick succession from worry, frustration, then back to worried "You faint -- er, you passed out."

"What?" I looked around, only moving my eyes. I was still on MG7-855, and, I could tell from the unbearable heat, still outside. Teyla and Ford were standing behind Sheppard, but neither were looking at me. Ford was gazing down at his feet, and Teyla was staring off into the distance.

"You passed out." Sheppard told me again.

My eyes flitted back to him, "No I… No I didn't."

"What? I mean -- " He shook his head, "Yes you did. You passed out." He paused, surveying me rathe oddly, then added, "From the heat."

"But…" I tried to work through the hazy and confused feeling in my head, closing my eyes for a second.

"Ford!" My eyes shot open, resting on the young Lieutenant, who still didn't look in my direction. "Ford yelled before I… I passed out. What happened?"

Sheppard glanced over at him, then looked back down at me, "He was just-- was greeting me and Teyla. We'd just finished the meeting with Orin and Yolee."

"But he…" I lifted a hand to my forehead, covering my eyes, "Well he didn't sound happy."

"Well. Don't worry about it." he advised from above me, "Can you sit up?"

"_Don't worry about it_?" I repeated, removing the hand and staring at Sheppard incredulously-- ignoring his question. My head was feeling much clearer now. "I pass out for no reason and you tell me not to worry about it?"

Sheppard seemed at a loss for words. Then he said, "You passed out from the heat." He reached down a helping hand, asking again, "Can you sit up?"

I ignored his help, sitting myself up stubbornly -- and trying to ignore the sudden light-headedness that earned me.

"You ready to go back to Atlantis?" he asked, trying to appease me.

I tried to see beyond the weirdness of this whole situation, considering. "No," I admitted truthfully. My head was still feeling slightly muddled, and I knew making the lengthy trek back to the Jumper in this heat would only make it worse. "I don't think I can walk that far right now."

"Oh, no, it's not that far. I already went back and brought the Jumper over here for when you woke up." He stood, pointing out towards the forest, "It's right outside the city limits."

"You already went back…?" I stared up at him, absolutely horrified, "How long was I out for!"

He scratched his head, hesitating before he answered with, "Um. No more then an hour, I'd say."

"An hour?" I looked back down at my hands, mulling it over. I'd never passed out from heat before, so I had no idea how long a person should or shouldn't be unconscious.

"C'mon, let's go back and we can get you checked out by Beckett."

I sniffed, feeling a little bit better with the offer to go see the doctor. If there were any serious problems, he'd find them. "Okay."

I let him help me to my feet, but ended up pushing him away, finding myself surprisingly steady.

After grabbing my pack up from the dirt and yelling at the others for just letting it sit there when it obviously should have been treated with the utmost respect--what with it holding some very important technology that was irreplaceable, I mean, it was _mine_-- Sheppard led us out of the hectic Town Square, with me behind him and Teyla and Ford trailing behind us both.

"How'd the meeting go?" I called up to Sheppard, suddenly remembering why we'd visited this planet in the first place. "They didn't have any questions for me, did they?"

A curt, "No." was his answer.

I blinked in surprise- one, from the abrupt and _rude_ way he'd spoken to me, two, from the lack of interest the Brewins apparently had for the technological side of Atlantis. I mean, hello, we're talking about the legendary city of the Ancients here!

I shook my head. The Brewin people had crazy thought processes. Colonizing this planet from hell was proof of it.

Besides, I thought as Sheppard de-cloaked the Jumper we'd finally reached, after I left this planet I'd never have to come back. If the Brewin's changed their mind they'd either have to come to Atlantis themselves, or… well I'd just send Zelenka over. I figured he could use the, uh, break.

I collapsed in my seat after trudging up the access ramp and into the Jumper, waiting impatiently for Sheppard to close the door. "In case you hadn't noticed," I jerked my thumb towards the back as he walked by me, "it's hot out there."

He glanced at me while he sat down in the pilot's chair. His look held a clear and obvious, 'duh'.

Turning around in my seat to look over at Ford and Teyla, who were taking their seats behind us, I asked them in reference to John, "Jeez. Do you think I deserve to be treated this way?"

Ford said nothing, fiddling with his P90 and gazing down at his lap, but Teyla was staring at the back of Sheppard's head as she answered with, "No, I do not, Doctor."

I felt pleased that she apparently had that much empathy for me. "Neither do I. Thank you, Teyla." I turned back to the Major with a smug smile. "You see? Teyla agrees with me. And I'm sure Ford does too, he's just tired. You should always treat me with respect."

Sheppard sighed, "Sure, McKay." He lifted his P90 strap off so he could sit in his seat more comfortably, asking me, "You feeling any better?"

I frowned with mock-thoughtfulness. "Well, now that you mention it, I _am _feeling a little hot." Exasperatedly I asked, "Would you _please _close the hatch, so we can leave already?"

Apparently I got through to him, because the next thing I knew, the Jumper door slid shut and we were well on our way to the Stargate.

---  
(-/-)  
---

"You're sure I'm okay?" I asked Carson again, sitting on the edge of one of the many empty beds in the infirmary. "I mean, I _was_ out for more then an hour. Is that normal? I don't think that's a good sign, do you? I don't think it is. I feel okay _now_, surely, but when I woke up --"

"Rodney, Rodney, Rodney," he had been trying to interrupt me as I was explaining my thoughts to him. Finally he just yelled, "RODNEY!" _really _loud. So I stopped. "Thank you." he said graciously, then held up my chart, "Everything looks good. Well, perhaps not good, but relatively normal." He waved the clipboard towards the door, "You're free to go, lad."

I lifted a suspicious eyebrow, not moving. "'Relatively normal?' What does that mean?"

"It means," he enunciated his next words carefully; "you can leave now."

"Hm." I lifted my chin, sliding off the bed. I felt this was inadequate work on Beckett's part. "Do you think I could get a few aspirin from you at least?" I asked stubbornly, feeling a slight headache starting to come on, "I mean, I ran out of my own stuff yesterday and--"

"No."

I blinked, quite taken aback by the sudden and unexpected answer. "Pardon?" I managed after a moment of shock.

He shook his head mournfully, "I'm almost out of the stuff as it is, Rodney. I need to save it for really serious--"

"Serious?" I repeated angrily and ignoring his woeful look, I went on, "I would _think _passing out for more then an hour on an alien planet would be considered a serious thing!"

He sighed, scratching his chin thoughtfully, "Sorry Rodney. We've gotta' save as much--"

"Save for what? For people who pass out on alien planets?"

Exasperatedly: "Rodney, I can't give ya' any--"

I'd heard enough. Spinning on my heel, I headed for the door, calling over my shoulder disgustedly, "I feel much better now, Carson! Thanks for the help!"

I wished I could slam the door shut behind me.

As I walked down the hall, fuming silently, I tried to decide where I should go next. I knew the others were all in the debriefing room with Elizabeth now; at least, that's where they'd been when I'd gone over to Beckett, and since _he_ hadn't helped me _at all _and had only looked at me for a maximum of _ten minutes_, I figured that's where they'd still be.

But I wasn't in the mood to discuss the long, hot trip to MG7-855. So I headed for the mess hall instead.

The place was nearly empty, it was past lunch, and too early for dinner, so only a few military people that I wasn't familiar with were seated at various tables throughout the room, eating and talking amongst themselves.

I collapsed onto a bench chair at an empty table-- after I'd piled my tray full of barely edible food. Lifting a fork, I poked an unappetizing mush that had suspiciously been titled 'chef's surprise.'

"Rodney, please. Just eat it." Mom pleaded tiredly, her back facing me as she washed dishes at the sink.

I pouted, looking back down at the plate, still full of green vegetables. "But, mom…"

She turned towards me, resting her hip against the counter as she cleaned a cup with a soapy sponge, saying with a sigh, "Come on. Look, once you're done you can go play outside. How 'bout it?"

I perked up at the unexpected offer, "Really?"

She smiled, turning away and rinsing the cup under the running water from the faucet. "Yes. But only before your father gets home. According to him, you're still grounded."

"Yeah." I frowned, remembering the other night when he'd yelled at me for taking apart another one of Jeannie's toys.

Mom glanced up at the clock, hanging on the wall above me. "Better finish, Roddie. You'll only be able to play for a few minutes if you don't hurry."

I didn't need anymore more convincing then that-- stuffing down the vegetables so fast, I nearly choked--

Whoosh

I blinked, broken away from the random memory as the sound of the mess hall doors sliding open reached my ears, immediately transporting me back to the present and leaving me momentarily confused.

Now, what had _that _been about? I shook my head, resolving to actually get to sleep at a decent time tonight- only briefly wondering why the memory had seemed so vivid; before looking up and noticing Major Sheppard was headed my way.

He stood across from me at the table, glancing down at my food. "Wow, not much to choose from today, is there?"

I grimaced, "This is why I'm hoping the whole 'trade-with-Brewin-people-and-get-decent-food' plan worked." I gave my tray a disparaging look. "We're really getting desperate here."

Sheppard nodded, "Just a couple treaty things Elizabeth has to work out, and we should be eatin' Brewin food early as next week."

"Good, good." I said neutrally, setting down my fork.

Apparently Sheppard took that as an invitation, sitting down at the table and grabbing one of the Athosian versions of pudding cups from my tray-- ignoring my sarcastic comment of, "Oh yes, please, help yourself then."

He rolled his eyes, sniffing the contents warily, "Come on, you have two of them. You need to share."

"You _do_ know there's a large buffet behind you? Full of food?" I asked, grimacing as he dug his finger into the cup, lifting the gooey stuff up and into his mouth. "Not to mention spoons?"

He grinned at my disgusted face, "Nah, I'm good." He dipped his finger again, looking down as he commented, "I just came from Beckett."

My indignation flared, "Yes, did he tell you about his new policy? It's called: Withholding medication from his patients."

Sheppard swirled his finger in the cup, biting his lip. "He _is_ running low on meds." He used his finger as a spoon again, making me gag. "Besides, you don't seem like you need anything. You're your usual charming self."

"Mmm, yes, but it's the principle of the thing." I insisted, ignoring his smirk, "I'm just wondering what qualifies as a valid patient to him."

John put the cup down, giving me a look. "Carson's a good doctor. You know he would give you something if you needed it."

I scratched my ear and glared resentfully down at the table. Yeah, okay, it was true and I knew it, but Sheppard either ignored my look or hadn't seen it, because he went on with, "You don't want him wasting the medication he has left, do you? It's not like we have an endless supply."

I sighed, looking back up. "Yes, fine, I get it." I grabbed the other pudding cup, making a point of using my spoon to scoop up the contents. I couldn't help but add grumpily, "I still think I'm eligible to get a couple aspirin, though."

Sheppard grinned, evidently amused. "Yeah, I knew you would be." He stood then, grabbing one of my napkins to wipe his hand off, dropping it next to my tray when he was done. "Oh, and I figured I'd give you a heads up. Weir wants you to fix the MALP ASAP. And she said she'd like to know how it got broken in the first place."

I grabbed a pen out of my pocket, using it to flick the napkin away from me, commenting airily, "Wouldn't we all?"

As he walked away, I had a brief internal discussion before deciding to call after him, "Thanks for the warning!" It was almost odd to hear the words sound so sincere.

He continued walking, but gave me an acknowledging wave from over his shoulder.

I glanced down at my cardboard-esque excuse for food wearily; Sheppard's lack of table manners had apparently caused me to lose my appetite.

Huh. Now that I thought about it, I hadn't really been that hungry before anyway- I'd just come here out of habit.

I pushed the nearly-full tray away from me, standing and straightening out the wrinkles in my pants.

Might as well get started on the MALP.

---

* * *

--- 

Don't worry- things get a smidge more exciting next chappie, this is just the obligatory buildup.  
Third chapter cometh soon.

More thoughts? Please?  
:P


	3. Chapter 3

Allrighty, I'm glad you're all curious and wondering what's up with our peeps- but uh. You're just gonna' have to keep wondering for now. (:

Erisinia- you are correct about the 'principal' thing. Oops-- and not to mention-- thanks:P  
Greywolf Lupous- _Pudding King_? OMG, you have no idea how hard I laughed when I read that! Heee! Whoo…. Ah, thanks for the review.

Okay, enough jibber-jabber- here's the third part:

(3)

* * *

. 

I tried working with him. I really did.

But the Czech was acting _very _peculiar, hovering over my shoulder, triple-checking my calculations - _and_ he kept asking all these really asinine questions. Things like, "Are you sure you're feeling adequate enough to work?" or "I believe you should be resting, possibly?"

Obviously someone had told Zelenka about my spill on MG7-855, but, come on, this was just ridiculous! After an hour of that kind of treatment, I couldn't take it anymore and I chased him out of my lab, ignoring his squawked protests in both English and Czechoslovakian. I think he might have insulted my mother in the heat of the moment, but I couldn't be sure.

Running a hand over my head in annoyance and feeling more than slightly perturbed, I sat back down on the stool, settling myself in front of the MALP data. That had been really weird. Usually Zelenka was very work-oriented, and, uh, not _quite_ so worried about my physical health. Whoever told him about my passing-out must have greatly exaggerated the circumstances.

So, I shook my head free of thoughts on the other scientist, what had we determined so far? As expected, externally everything checked out. I reached over my own laptop and pressed some buttons on Zelenka's computer (I hadn't let him come back for it), bringing up the graphs he'd started.

The graphs showed the more recent missions the MALP had been sent out on, the exact measurements of air toxins, water analysis -- something darted across the floor.

"What the -- " I spun around on the stool, seeing the creature zip out the door and down the hall.

I'd only seen it briefly, but I would've _sworn_…

Temporarily shoving all thoughts of the MALP aside I ran to the door, poking my head out while trying not to loose sight of the small creature.

There it was again!

And this time I got a clear view.

But… I… it couldn't be…

A cat? On Atlantis?

Impossiblé!

Except, that's exactly what I was seeing run down the hall, and… yeah, he looked just like Charlie. See, that's what made me uneasy. I mean, if it had just been any old cat, I'd have Elizabeth on the radio immediately, demanding to know why and- more importantly- _how_ there had been a feline loose in my lab.

But… the thing looked like a carbon copy of Charlie from back home. The same brownish-gray fur with dark-colored stripes -- and, I made this out before the animal disappeared left down another hallway, a black-tipped tail.

I stepped out of my lab hesitantly, wondering if I should go after it.

With a small sigh and a self-deprecating roll of the eyes, I took off down the hall.

Following the path of the alleged cat, I turned left once reaching the hallway. There! I saw the back-end of the cat dart into the tech supplies room.

"Damn it!" I muttered under my breath, quickly chasing after. Of all the rooms to go into, it had to be that one. The tech supplies room was chock-full of useless crap. Useless crap that would make it very difficult for me to find the cat if it planned on hiding from me.

"Here kitty kitty…" I called, sliding quietly into the room, so as not to scare the creature. The lights switched on almost immediately, recognizing my presence.

I didn't see the Charlie look-alike anywhere.

I poked around a few stacked boxes and containers, but there wasn't much more I could do, the room was just too full. I only had a limited amount of space to maneuver in.

Trying as best I could though, and peering through the cracks and spaces between all the tech equipment, I got down on my hands and knees, watching for the luminous eyes of a cat staring back at me.

Sticking my head in a gap beneath a rather large box for a better look, I completely forgot that the door to the room was open behind me.

"McKay?"

I slammed my head into the box above me. "Ow!"

"What the hell are you doing?" Sheppard asked from the doorway, sounding more then a little alarmed.

Pulling my head out, I sat down on the floor facing John, gingerly feeling the top of my head, "Ow _ow_. Do you see a bump? I think I feel one coming on."

Sheppard didn't answer; he was staring at me as if I'd just said my nose had sprouted ten inches long and grown daisies at the end of it. IE: _Like I was crazy._

"Seriously," I winced at my own touch, pointedly ignoring his uncalled for look-- honestly, it wasn't _that_ weird. "it feels like a bump. Ouch."

"What were you doing?" he asked, then added with a slight eye-roll to pacify my complaining, "And no, I don't see a bump."

"Are you sure? Because it definitely _feels _like one…" I trailed off, dropping the hand down into my lap, and mournfully trying to ignore the throbbing from my head.

I glanced up at Sheppard, and because of his expectant look, I recalled that he'd asked me a question. So I told him in an amazed voice, "I just saw something I couldn't possibly have seen."

The way he responded to my little comment was amazing. I mean, he acted as if I told him his mother had died or something. His whole body sort of fell in on itself, and his head dropped forward in what could have been defined as defeat.

I stared at him. "Jeez, it was just a cat Major! I saw a cat, okay?"

"A cat." he repeated, still staring at the floor.

"Yes," I said, a fair amount disturbed at his reaction, "I was working on the MALP when I saw it and--"

His head lifted, sounding almost hopeful as he asked, "Hey, wasn't Zelenka working on that with you?"

"What? Oh. Yes. I had to send him away though, he was being very bothersome--"

"So… he didn't see the cat?"

I was getting angry with his incredulous tone, "Didn't I just say that? No, he didn't see the cat! But _I_ did." I gestured at the boxes around me, "And it's somewhere in here."

"Are you sure it was a cat?" Sheppard asked, still using that annoying tone as he stared down at me, "Maybe it was something else -- "

"It had four legs, whiskers and a tail!" I interrupted furiously, rising to my feet, "I think I know what a cat looks like Major!"

He held up his hands, trying to placate me. "I know you know, McKay. But, well, there _aren't_ any cats on Atlantis--"

"I _know _that!" I yelled in frustration, getting the distinct feeling that this conversation was going in circles and accomplishing nothing except getting me increasingly annoyed. "Are you even listening? I know what I saw--"

He frowned, starting again, "McKay--"

"Aah!" I shouted just to shut him up, throwing my hands in the air. Admittedly, it wasn't a very intelligent way to express my displeasure at the situation, but I found I was actually so annoyed at him that I couldn't think of anything else to say. "Just… forget it." I finally said disgustedly, striding past John and out the door.

He didn't try to follow me as I walked down the hall, which was good, because every second I looked at his doubtful face, the angrier I became, and might have done something I'd regret if he made me continue to.

John hadn't believed me, I realized as I stormed down the hall. He hadn't even wanted to listen to what I'd had to say; he had come in _already_ not believing me. I rounded the corner, fists clenching and unclenching in irritation. You know, I could've understood initial doubt, but just to _instantly_ think I'm a liar… The pounding from my head didn't make me feel any better.

I wondered bitterly if Carson would give me any aspirin _now._ Not that I was going to ask him, I was still mad about _that _whole situation too.

"This whole day… has been really crappy." I muttered to the silent room, arriving at the empty lab again to pick up where I'd left off. If no one wanted to find out _why_ there was a cat on Atlantis, that was fine with me; it's not like I didn't already have hundreds of other things demanding my attention. Whatever.

Sitting down on the stool, I reached into the pocket of my shirt, looking for my one and only solace: a power bar.

I ripped the packaging open with my teeth, absently clicking buttons on the laptop. Some information popped up that reminded me to finish looking over Zelenka's graphs. Then I would need to cross-reference them with the relating field reports, establishing when the MALP had started to first malfunction. Then I would have to find out _why_ it started to malfunction.

Even the power bar couldn't help me feel any better.

I carelessly tossed the untouched bar in the general vicinity of the trash can, looking back down at the computer with a heavy sigh.

It was going to be a long night.

---

* * *

--- 

I seriously considered putting chapters 3 and 4 together, but then I decided it's better and more… 'impacting' if they're apart.  
So, don't hurt me for the 'shortness' of this chapter, 'kay?

--Hey, can you guess what I'm going to ask for here? Can ya'?

Why, I'll even give you a penny for 'em!  
:P


	4. Chapter 4

-hands out pennies to all reviewers-

Thank you so much. These 'review' things are strangely addictive.

emergencyfan- glad to hear it! 'Cause lord knows how many times I've been hooked to one of your fics. (:  
nebbyJ-  Think it's a good ol' fashioned fic, eh? (: Well, thank you!  
angw- answers? Hmm... methinks you'll just have more questions after this chapter.

--Right-o, here's numba' 4:

(4)

* * *

.

I lay in my bed, staring at the ceiling as thoughts of the tedious field reports swam in my head, denying me sleep. By far, the worse had been Kavanagh's. Describing every little thing, complaining about his various coworkers, even to go as far as criticizing the _tools_ he was using -- _and_ his report had been as long as six others put together.

Ugh. Just _reading_ it had been almost as bad as talking to him in person.

I turned over onto my side, trying to get more comfortable by alleviating the pain from the back of my neck that I hadn't noticed before. Sighing, I glanced over at my watch resting on the bedside table.

Four. That meant I'd been laying awake in bed for over three hours.

Damn.

I threw the blankets off, swinging my legs over the side of the bed and rubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes. I was tired, yes, but it's not like I'd never had sleepless nights before. Especially after what happened with Gaul… and then there was Koyla…

I stood; freeing myself of those depressing thoughts and figuring a nice hot shower would refresh me enough to take on the day. I shuffled towards the bathroom in only my boxers, mussing up my hair and yawning deeply.

Well, as long as this day was nothing like yesterday.

-

It happened when I was in the shower.

Standing under the cascade of hot water, steam billowing all around me, I suddenly heard music. It was muffled, though, on account of the water pounding all around me, but I could make out that it was definitely an Earth tune, and it was definitely familiar.

Intrigued, and since I was pretty much finished anyway, I pressed my hand against the Ancient control that controlled the faucet.

_Uptown girl …She's been living in her uptown world…_

Listening, I tilted my head slightly to the side. The song was much clearer now without the water.

_I bet she never had a back street guy …I bet her mama never told her why…_

Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed a towel off the small hook hanging from the wall, wrapping it around my waist and starting to get a bit nervous. The music that seemed to be coming from nowhere still played on.

As long as anyone with hot blood can… And now she's looking for a downtown man…

I glanced around anxiously, looking for a radio or something it could be originating from, maybe Sheppard pulling a prank on me? although I knew it actually couldn't - it was _much_ too clear sounding for that.

_And when she knows what… She wants from her time…_

I dressed quickly, decidedly unnerved that the music was _still _playing strong. This wasn't like when you remember a song and it becomes stuck in your head. This was like someone had crawled i_nto_ my head, set up a radio with Billy Joel's CD, and pressed repeat.

_And when she wakes up… And makes up her mind _…_She'll see I'm not so tough…_

Okay - time for Beckett.

I resisted the urge to smack my head as I ran from my room - as if that would've stopped it.

-Carson had better be in the med lab.

The halls were nearly empty, what with it still being so early; I only saw two people and they just glanced at me curiously as I ran by.

Oh God, the song was getting louder.

_Just because I'm in love with an uptown girl…You know I've seen her in her uptown world…_

I reached the med lab, going so fast I skidded to a stop, sliding right past it. Spinning around, I opened the door yelling, "Carson! Carson! Where are -- "

"Aye! I'm here, what is it Rodney?" His gruff voice sounded from the little lab in the adjoining room, sounding drained, cluing me into the fact that he'd probably pulled an all-nighter too.

_She's getting tired of her high class toys… And all her presents from her uptown boys…_

Any thoughts of sympathy for Carson vanished with that, though. Barging into his lab, I immediately explained my terrifying situation to him. At the end of my little diatribe, he asked from his seat in front of his desk, "An' you say it's getting progressively louder?"

I nodded furiously, "Yes! Yes it is! What's going on? Why -- "

He held up a hand, actually silencing me; though that technique had never worked before. Man, I was feeling out of it. "Sit down." He pointed to the only other chair in the room.

Seeing no reason to argue with him, I sat.

He looked exceptionally grim when he said, "I'll be right back." He closed some books he'd apparently been reading before rising to his feet. "Don't worry." he added as he disappeared out the door.

I wrung my hands, biting back a sarcastic remark about the 'don't worry' thing. What was going on? Why was this happening? I didn't even _like_ Billy Joel!

-

Five minutes later- and I knew, counting it fixatedly, trying _anything_ to distract myself from the fact that a song kept repeating over and over again in my head- Beckett returned with Major Sheppard in tow, still dressed in sleeping attire and with probable bed-head. You could never be sure with him.

I was too freaked out to even ask why he'd brought John along. The song was getting _really _distracting now-- cheerful clapping not excluded.

_You know I can't afford to buy her pearls…But maybe someday when my ship comes in… _

They both stared down at me in the chair, with Beckett looking upset and Sheppard… I don't know. He looked strangely stoic- no emotion.

"Well? Are you going to fix me?" I asked after a moment, looking from one face to the other, thoughtlessly wiping away drips of water from my cheek that had run down from my wet hair.

Beckett started to say something, but suddenly I couldn't hear him - the music had abruptly cranked up to a much louder volume.

AND WHEN SHE'S WALKING… SHE'S LOOKING SO FINE… AND WHEN SHE'S TALKING…

"What!" I yelled over the song, waving at my ears in distress, "I can't hear you!"

They exchanged a worried look, then John turned back to me, yelling, though I could barely make it out, "Don't worry, it'll… it'll probably go away soon!"

AND WHEN SHE'S TALKING…SHE'LL SAY THAT SHE'S MINE… SHE'LL SAY I'M NOT S0…

"What the _fuck_!" I yelled, the song booming and echoing throughout my head. This was really bad. I always tried to restrain myself from using profanity-- though, for some reason, I didn't much care about that right now. "How do you know!" I turned back to Beckett, demanding desperately, "Fix me!"

Carson closed his eyes, pinching his lips together tightly. Then he said something to Sheppard it seemed, because John waved his arms about in an alarmed manner.

I stood, knocking the chair to the floor in my abruptness; my hands were clapped over my ears now. A futile attempt to stem the music. "This is…" I gasped, "I can't!"

Not even able to complete my thoughts -- the song was reaching deafening heights.

****

SHE'LL SAY I'M NOT SO TOUGH…JUST BECAUSE I'M IN LOVE… WITH AN UPTOWN GIRL…

Some one's hand was touching my arm; apparently I'd closed my eyes, because I had no idea who it was, nor did I care. It was painful, this all-encompassing noise.

****

SHE'S BEEN LIVING IN HER WHITE BREAD WORLD AS LONG AS ANYONE WITH HOT BLOOD CAN--

Silence.

The song stopped.

"… at him!" I slowly registered that Carson was in the middle of a sentence, apparently yelling at John, "Is it wor--" he stopped, noticing my sudden change in demeanor, "Rodney," he placed a worried hand on my shoulder, "can ya' hear me?"

I had taken my hands away from my ears slowly-- tentatively even.

"It -- " I swallowed nervously, glancing around, "It stopped."

They both looked immensely relieved.

"Good." Beckett said, though he didn't smile as he usually would, "Are you feeling all right?"

"No!" I cried, bringing a shaky hand over my eyes, "No I'm not! Why the _hell _was Billy Joel playing in my head like that?"

I think if I hadn't been so distraught John might've commented on the Billy Joel thing. But he didn't, instead he said, "That's very strange."

Staring at him in disbelief, I dropped the hand. Was that… all he was going to say?

He looked away.

I wrote him off as unimportant right now. Turning to the resident doctor: "Surely you can run some tests, or do some scans, or…" I waved my hands wildly, "or come on, _you _fill the blank here!"

He sighed, taking his hand from my shoulder, "Yes. I can do that. Come on." I eagerly followed him back into the med lab, with John trailing behind us.

Beckett directed me to sit on a bed.

"Carson…" John said carefully from his new post by the door.

"Don't worry Major." Beckett spat, not even looking at him. Then he said much more kindly to me, "Just a moment. I have to get some supplies."

After he disappeared into his lab, I raised my eyebrows at John, asking, "What was that all about?"

John made an attempt at smiling lightly, but failed miserably. "Oh you know. The usual." He glanced at the lab door Beckett had gone through. "I'm gonna' go hit the shower." he told me, already leaving.

He paused in the doorway though, saying in an uncharacteristically understanding tone, "You… you hang in there, all right?"

I gave him the a-ok symbol. "Beckett will fix it." I said, managing to sound more confident then I felt. He had to. There was simply no alternative.

John nodded.

The doors slid shut behind him.

---

* * *

--- 

tbc


	5. Chapter 5

Greywolf Lupous- I _am _so proud of you! And, no, Charlie came from my own warped head. (:  
Sgafan33- Glad you like it. And, as much as I love Teh Hewlett- I have to go with the fact that he said 'he' instead of 'she' in the actual show. :P  
Miran Anders- thanks- 'cause I look forward to your reviews.  
nebbyJ- here's more. (:

Oh yes- and I just thought I should probably clarify this before we go any further-- this story is set in-between _The Brotherhood _and _The Siege_, m'kay? Somewhere between those four eps.

And now, the stuff you _actually_ want to read:

(5)

* * *

. 

Once again, I left the med lab feeling unsatisfied, and now I was more then a little worried. Carson said he could do nothing for me. The music had been a fluke, brought on by stress and sleep deprivation.

Probably.

He highly recommended I get some rest.

But I headed towards my lab instead; I needed to _do_ something to work out this dreadful feeling of helplessness. I don't sit around idly, twiddling proverbial fingers, doing nothing. That's not me.

Besides, I remembered I still had to finish up the damn MALP. I'd figured out the problem last night, now I just needed to clean out the program and get rid of the nasty virus Kavanaugh had caused. Although, I allowed myself a satisfied smirk, it _was_ going to be fun to tell the annoying bugger it was his fault.

"Doctor McKay."

I glanced up from my boots at the unexpected female voice. "Yes?" Teyla was standing in front of me, blocking my path with her head tilted slightly to the side. I tried to side-step her while asking, "Can I help you?"

"You are up early." she said, whirling around and blocking me once again. Smiling innocently as I grew increasingly annoyed, she inquired, "When was the last time we trained together, Doctor?"

I groaned, placing a hand over my face. Oh man, was I _not_ in the mood for this. "Not long enough." I dropped the hand, telling her quickly, "I don't have the time to train right now Teyla. I have work to do in my lab concerning the MALP problem." And I really needed time to brood about what had just happened to me- and I tended to do my best brooding while working on something.

"Can it not wait just an hour?" she asked plaintively, lifting an eyebrow.

Yeah, probably. But _she_ didn't need to know that. "No," I insisted, adding importantly, "Elizabeth _really_ needs it finished."

Teyla lifted an eyebrow. "You," she poked my chest accusingly, "are a terrible liar."

I rubbed a hand across my cheek tiredly, "My eye twitched didn't it?"

She smiled apologetically, giving me a little nod.

Hm. Time to change tactics. "Teyla," I whined miserably, "I'm _really _not in the mood right now. I just came from Carson, and I'm exhausted, and I need time to think, and…and… " I shrugged, spreading my hands, "Really, I just don't want to get the shit kicked out of me today. Call me crazy."

She rolled her eyes and placed her hands on my arms, spinning me around and pushing me towards a transporter. "Come on. I promise, you will feel better after a bit of exercise."

I moaned and groaned, but she ignored me, swiftly leading us to the transporter and pressing the map to send us on our way.

Pouting glumly, I crossed my arms and made her push me out of the transporter and towards the training room. Fine, she wanted to train, but I wasn't going to make it easy for her.

She took my childish behavior in stride though, chatting amicably to my stony-faced silence-- as if I was being quite the good company-- leading me through the training room doors.

"Shall we try one staff, or two?" Teyla asked lightly, leaving me by the door and heading to the Athosian weapons-holder thingy she'd brought over from the mainland.

I didn't reply.

She watched me expectantly, lifting her eyebrows.

Sighing heavily as it became increasingly clear that I wasn't going to escape this, I grumbled, "Fine, fine, fine." I ran a hand over my slightly damp hair, considering. "Two?" I started hesitantly while I slid off my coat, remembering the last training session was with one stick, and that she'd beaten me down unmercifully. I'd had bruises for weeks. "Wait, wait." Two sticks just meant double the pain. "Okay, one. Just one." I tossed my coat to the side of the room, deducing that I'd made the best decision with crappy choices.

"Are you sure?" she said, sounding amused, "Perhaps we should try three?"

"Three!" I exclaimed incredulously, then quickly realized from her fleeting smile that she was messing with me. "Oh ha ha." I sneered, easily catching the long pole she tossed towards me, "Very funny."

Laughing, she slid her own staff out of its holder, spinning it around elegantly in her hands, before coming to a stop, gripping it tightly and holding it behind her back., not unlike a sword in it's sheath. "Do you remember the opening stance?" she questioned.

"Um." I glanced down at the wooden pole, feeling incredibly awkward. I put one leg slightly to the side, pointing the toe of my boot towards her while holding the stick out in front of me in a diagonal fashion. "Like this?"

She grimaced, "Close enough."

Without warning, she jumped forward, pulling the stick out from behind her back and bringing it down towards my head.

"Hey!" I cried, lifting my own pole up and barely catching hers before it would've connected with my skull. "Give a guy some warning!" I said angrily, lowering my hands.

She shook her head, saying simply, "Always be prepared." She spun then, hitting the back of my thigh smartly and with a loud crack, bringing me to my knees.

"Teyla!" I barked, rubbing a hand over the offended appendage, really pissed now. "What is your problem?"

She stared down at me, disregarding my anger and asking evenly, "Why are you still on the ground?"

I bared my teeth, pulling myself up from the floor using the stupid stick. I didn't like being bested by anyone at anything- _exactly_ the reason why I avoided training like the plague. It just wasn't something I was very good at. One of a very _few _things.

Teyla's radio chirped, breaking me from my thoughts. She looked surprised, bringing a hand up to her ear.

Now, normally I wouldn't hit a lady-- let alone a lady who was distracted…

I brought my stick down around her feet, pulling it up from underneath her.

"Hey!" she cried, landing unceremoniously on her back.

"Always be prepared." I gloated cheerfully, my hands on the top of the pole, with my chin resting atop them.

She laughed from her position on the floor, "Now you seem to understand."

No hard feelings I guess. "Who was on the radio?" I asked, trying to keep the peace and holding a hand out towards her.

"Not important." She took my offered help, but surprised me by completely missing my hand and grabbing my wrist instead.

I suddenly realized what she planned to do. "Oh. Hey, wait--!"

Ignoring me, she brought up her foot, placing it firmly on my stomach while she jerked me forward hard, effectively pitching me head-over-heels above her.

Landing on my back, I rolled forward once out of momentum-- completely by accident-- coming up on unsteady feet.

Teyla was already back up on her own feet, regarding me with an impressed look. So, logically, she said, "Impressive."

"Yeah." I agreed, scratching my head thoughtfully as I regained my equilibrium. Then realizing that, I too, looked impressed-- I plastered on an arrogant smirk, grabbing my staff from the floor. "Of course."

She raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

We were both surprised by a loud growling noise coming from the vicinity of my belly.

Teyla lowered her stick. "Have you not had breakfast yet?" she asked concernedly.

Though I really wasn't hungry, I jumped at the chance to end this torture. "No I haven't," I said, patting my stomach for emphasis, "which is bad, since, as I'm sure you know, I'm hypoglycemic."

"Yes." She smiled, "I believe you have mentioned it once or twice."

Deciding to use this advantage of Teyla being worried about my general health; I headed towards the weapons-holder, saying regretfully as I began to put the pole in it's proper place, "Well, I guess we'll just have to cut this short today. As much fun as it was…"

She nodded, coming up next to me, "Of course, but I hope you're feeling a little better? I know training always seems to help me--"

"Get down, get down!" Hank whispered from behind me.

Ducking behind the bush, I held up a finger to my mouth. "Shut up! She'll hear you!"

"Well with you gawking like that, she'll **see **you!"

I punched him in the shoulder, quickly returning my attention back to Angela's window. "Oh, hey hey!" I waved a hand behind me, spotting someone moving behind the curtains, "She's back from the shower!"

Hank jumped forward, nearly shoving me out of his way so he could get a better look.

"Watch it!" I hissed, but stared fixatedly at the window, seeing Angela's shadow move across quickly, messing with her hair or something. "Oh man, oh man."

"Yeah!" Hank agreed, peering over the bush excitedly. Then he turned his head slightly to the right, asking, "Hey, did you hear that Rodney?"

"What?" I asked, annoyed. "No, I didn't hear anything."

He looked over at me, saying nervously, "It sounded like a car door, eh?"

I stared at him, demanding, "Who cares about a car! Angela is **naked** up there!"

Hank blinked, shaking his head slightly as he focused back on the second story window. "You're right."

Glad to see him come to his senses, I returned to trying to get x-ray vision as I stared at the flimsy white curtains.

Angela was in the middle of slipping into a shirt when a soft voice that was obviously not Hank's whispered next to me, "Having fun boys?"

I fell to the side, grasping my chest and trying not to cry out.

"What the--"

Angela's eighteen year old boyfriend was crouched behind us, elbows resting on his knees. And he wasn't amused.

Hank didn't even try not to scream.

"Run for it!" I cried, gathering my wits and darting out from behind the bushes.

A moment later the deep voice bellowed, "You're **dead**!" and I felt a rock whiz by my ear- just missing--

"Doctor!"

I blinked rapidly, breathing out, "Huh?"

Teyla was grasping my arm, shaking ferociously and turning me to face her.

"Doctor McKay?"

I was confused, trying to remember if I was a twelve year old peeping tom being chased by an angry boyfriend, or lead astrophysicist for Atlantis on a top-secret mission in the Pegasus Galaxy. "Teyla." I said, focusing on her worried face and trying to dislodge the stunningly clear memory. "Yes. Problem?"

She peered at me intently. "I have been calling your name for almost a minute. I was about to get Doctor Beckett on the radio."

"A minute?" I asked, stunned. Had I really just been that lost in memories that I hadn't even registered her talking to me? First the music, and now this… What was going on with me? "Oh, and you don't want to call Beckett." I narrowed my eyes, thinking back to my recent trips to the med lab and informing her, "He's been completely useless lately."

"I'm sorry to hear that." she said, still looking rather anxious.

I glanced down at my hands, realizing I was still holding the long pole. Placing it back in it's holder, I turned as Teyla said, "Well then. Shall we go get breakfast?"

"What?" I grimaced slightly. Even before this strange vision-thing I'd been planning on blowing her off. "Together?" It's not that I didn't enjoy Teyla's company, it was just that I wasn't hungry, and I really wanted to get to my lab and work off some of this confusion I was feeling.

She frowned, "I am trying very hard not to be offended by that."

"What? Oh. Oh!" I waved my hands wildly, realizing what I'd said. "No, no, no! I didn't mean-- I just… uhm." I cleared my throat, deciding to start over. Having Teyla upset with me was not high on my 'to-do' list; the woman could be surprisingly nasty. Placing my hands together, I asked the Athosian, "Would you like to go get some breakfast together, Teyla?"

She nodded graciously, "Much better. And yes, I would."

We walked towards the mess hall side by side, with her chatting about her recent trip to visit the Athosians on the mainland and me half-heartedly pretending to listen while I played with the zipper on my coat.

God, I just wanted to go back to my lab and work. Alone.

I glanced over at Teyla, who was in the middle of laughing about something Jinto had done. Why was she suddenly so interested in my company anyway? Outside of training and missions, we rarely associated with one another. She was a nice enough person, sure, but she and I just… well, when I talk, she probably only understands about half of what I say-- and truthfully, I always thought she found me a little annoying.

"It really was quite funny." Teyla finished with a chuckle.

"Oh yeah." I said, letting the zipper go and trying not to let on that I had no idea what she was talking about. "Ha. Sounds it."

The mess hall doors parted for us, and Teyla headed towards the trays while I broke off and decided to get some of that coffee substitute they'd been serving ever since the real stuff ran out two weeks ago.

_That _had been a day to mourn. Or rather, not that day, but the many blurry eyed mornings that followed.

Grabbing one of the tin cups from the counter, I held it underneath the little machine, pulling the lever and watching disinterestedly as the small cup filled. Flicking the lever off, I lifted it to my nose, taking an appreciative sniff. Whatever this stuff actually was, it sure smelled good enough to be real.

I took a tiny sip, pulling it away immediately and grimacing. Now _taste… _I coughed,entirely different matter there.

Turning around, I saw Teyla seating herself at an empty table, already digging into her breakfast.

Heading towards her, and with only a slight sigh (something I was immensely proud of), I realized the mess hall was actually quiet- an unusual occurrence. But it was still early, so only the real morning people were up right now, and that meant mostly military folk.

As I was about to take my seat, the doors to the outdoor balcony swooshed open, and a young sergeant came running in, calling excitedly, "Hey! Hey, everybody! You gotta' come out here and see this!"

Then, quite abruptly, he disappeared out the doors again.

Exchanging quick and curious glances, Teyla and I, and nearly everyone else in the room, temporarily abandoned their breakfasts and followed the young man back outside.

"What is it?" someone asked as I walked up to the outer railings with Teyla at my side. The sergeant was pointing out towards the expansive ocean, that look of excitement still clear on his face.

It was contagious.

"Just wait for it." he said.

I looked back out at the never-ending blue, surveying the still waters, a cool morning breeze nearly as invigorating as the so sorely missed coffee. It really was nice out here. Idly, I thought about how I never got to appreciate the beauty of this place-- being holed up in the lab all the time, or on another planet… most likely with people trying to _kill me. _So, scenery wasn't high on my list. It was… well, nice.

I finally understood why the Major liked taking those morning jogs of his. Not saying _I_ would be doing that anytime soon, but I _understood._

Gazing over the shimmering water and clasping the warm cup in my hands, I glanced over at the sergeant, getting that first glimmer of impatience. He was still watching the serene water though, eagerness in his very visage. I turned the cup around in my hands, looking back out while asking, "When--"

Suddenly, the ocean exploded.

That's really the only way to describe it. One moment, all was peaceful, and then -- only about forty feet away from where we were standing, a huge creature-- no, no, that's not right-- did I say huge? I meant _massive--_ creature burst from the ocean, looking impossibly majestic against the early morning sky.

"Holy crap." I breathed as the animal froze in a picture-perfect dive, hearing various gasps and other announcements of shock from others all around me.

The creature hung in the air for another moment, very clearly defying gravity, before crashing down once again, frothy water flying everywhere.

"There were more of them earlier." the sergeant told us after a period of shocked silence, a grin lighting up his face, "I counted at least five."

Five? I turned back to the water, numerous waves spreading every which way, the only proof that the creature had ever been there at all. It didn't seem possible that _two_ animals of that size could share the same ocean, let alone _five._

"I… have never seen anything like that." Teyla said in obvious awe.

I had to agree. "Though it did look sort of like a whale…" that earned me doubtful looks from everyone, so I amended the statement with, "Maybe a whale's big brother."

The sergeant laughed, "Emphasis on the big."

"An Earth animal?" Teyla asked me, still with that amazed face.

"Yep." I took a sip from the cup, watching the shimmering waves and wondering when it had become normal for an alien woman from another galaxy to ask me about animals from my home planet. I laughed slightly to myself. And since when had it become normal to refer to Earth as my _home planet_? Man… strange life I led. "Somebody had better name them before Lieutenant Ford catches wind of this." I said with a small smirk, glancing down at the tendrils of steam rising from my cup.

That got a few laughs, and the sergeant whose name I couldn't remember for the life of me said, "Oh right. Good idea. Would you like the honors, Dr. McKay?"

"Oh no." I said, holding up a hand. I knew if I chose the name, no matter how good it was, I'd get a ribbing from Sheppard for it later on. "_You_ found them. You should, uh, probably be the one to name them."

"All right…" He rubbed his hands together, a pensive look on his face. "Hey!" he exclaimed, looking up at the expectant faces around him, "What about Bales? Huh? You know, whale, and then with a 'b' from big brother. Bales. Get it?"

Not very imaginative, but he looked so happy with himself that I couldn't say anything. Everyone else exchanged shrugs, and little 'meh's' of being unimpressed.

He glared at them. "I like it. And like McKay said, _I_ found 'em, _I_ name 'em."

I grimaced, not wanting credit for any part in the naming of the Bales. Time to take my leave. Turning to Teyla, I told her, "Life calls. Work to do and all that."

She nodded. "Certainly." And it was said all understandably of course; as if she hadn't been making me keep her company _all morning_. Some people...

I left her on the balcony with the others, all of which were excitedly discussing the Bales; only stopping by the coffee machine to top off my cup again, which had chilled slightly in the cool morning weather.

I pulled the lever.

I slammed the locker closed with my shoulder, sifting through the contents in my backpack, making sure I wasn't leaving any books behind. I was already running late-- damn chess club- and I knew I'd missed the bus by at least a half hour. I'd be walking home today.

"Hey, McKay!"

I closed my eyes briefly.

Crap. I thought I'd avoided him today. Zipping up the backpack and turning around, I slung the strap over my shoulder, saying as casually as I could manage, "What do you want?"

Kurt stood there with hands stuffed in his pockets, two of his ever-present buddies looking very much like menacing body-guards on either side of him. He pulled a hand out, dusting off the little 'C' on his jacket while asking, "Do you have it?"

"Have what?" I asked, playing dumb and stalling for time. Of course I knew what he wanted. Calculus homework. But there'd just been no time to do it last night; I'd barely finished my own stuff, practically passing out on the desk in my room around two in the morning. A person like me doesn't get to have a light workload.

Kurt laughed, but there was no humor in it. "And here I thought you were one of the smart guys." The smile disappeared from his face, and he took a step forward, his henchman flexing their muscles and following suit.

I swallowed, matching him with a step backward, pushing myself up against the lockers lining the hallway.

"You **know** what I'm talking about." he said, shoving a finger hard into my chest. "Now, where is it?"

I opened my mouth, but for once in my life, I couldn't think of anything to say. Usually I was prepared with some cocky retort, but… damn. I was dead on my feet, and I'd really thought I wouldn't have to deal with this today.

"Where is it!" he growled, adding an almost desperate sounding, "I **need** it!"

My anger flared at that, immediately covering up the fear of having the shit kicked out of me, I pushed his finger away from my chest, hissing back, "Hey! Here's a crazy idea! Try doing your own homework Kurt!"

"You…" His hand shot forward again, grabbing a handful of my shirt, while his other arm cocked back, fist held tightly, "You asked for this."

But before he could let loose, one of his buddies nudged him hard in the side, whispering, "Hey, hey! Drop him! Teacher's comin'!"

Surprised, I followed the looks of the others, relief flooding through me when I saw the gym teacher standing at the end of the hall, watching us with crossed arms. Talk about great timing, I thought, smiling stupidly. There was no love-lost between me and Mr. Drew, but even **he** wouldn't let Kurt pound on another student.

My would-be assailant's hands immediately retracted back into his pockets, calling with forced cheerfulness, "Hey coach!"

"Kurt." he said, still watching us carefully from the his post by the door. "Did you turn in your work to Mrs. Simpson yet?"

His jaw flexed as he answered, "Nah, I was… I was just getting it sir."

Oh come on, I scoffed mentally, looking back over at Drew. It couldn't be more obvious what was really going on.

Hey, I thought in that relieved way that came when the adrenaline started dissipating, maybe Kurt would get suspended for this! Perhaps even expelled!

Mr. Drew frowned. "You know if you don't get this turned in, you're kicked off the team?"

The taller boy ran a frustrated hand through his hair, saying, "Yeah, yeah I know."

"We need you on this team." Drew went on in a scolding tone, actually sounding disappointed in his dream student, which was definitely not usual. "It's **your** responsibility to get your work done."

"I know coach." Kurt said apologetically, "I know. It won't happen again."

Drew nodded. "Good." He looked back over at me, standing with back pressed against the lockers. Still holding eye contact with me, he told Kurt in a frighteningly dispassionate voice, "Get it done, then."

Get it… what? I glanced back at Kurt, who was actually smiling again. What did that mean?

I didn't understand why Drew was turning away then. My brain refused to understand it even as Kurt called happily, "Yes sir!"

And suddenly- I understood.

Horrified, I stepped forward, yelling desperately, "Mr. Drew!"

He just kept walking.

"Shut up McKay." Kurt said, pushing me hard against the lockers.

I ignored him. "Mr. Drew!" I yelled again, my adolescent voice cracking.

But he didn't stop… and neither did Kurt.

Pain.

Lots and lots of pain.

"Ow! Holy-- God_damn_!" I howled, dropping the tin cup and pulling my hand out from underneath the coffee machine, finally registering what it was that was hurting me.

Grimacing, I cradled the injured hand gently against my chest while I dimly realized I was in the quiet mess hall of Atlantis-- and _not _being tormented by a bully in high school. But…_ shit_, it had seemed so _real_…

Oh God, what was happening to me?

I couldn't think about it now. The pain wouldn't _let_ me, and though I didn't want to, after seeing the harsh red skin enveloping my hand, I knew I had to go see Carson about this.

Looking down, I saw that the coffee machine was still running; the brown liquid spreading all over the floor and going around my shoes. I flicked off the lever with my good hand, stepping over the mess and heading for the doors.

As I walked towards the med lab, thoughts dwelling on my recent blasts to the past, I tried not to think that I might be going crazy.

---

* * *

--- 

tbc

-- Sorry it took longer for this update. But I hope the length makes up for it? Or the content? Hm?

:P


	6. Chapter 6

sgafan33- I think you're right about the 'coat/jacket' thing… and because of you, I've changed it in later chapters. :P  
Miran Anders- wow- that's so nice of you to say, and as soon as I get some extra time- guess what I'm reading? (:  
Greywolf Lupous- thanks, I was kind've worried about that, because I didn't really have much to work off of for the McKay/Teyla interaction. I'm glad you thought it was good!  
nebbyJ- will do. (:

Thanks everyone for the reviews! They make me very, very happy.

-Here's the next part.

(6)

* * *

. 

I bit down on my lip almost painfully as Beckett wrapped the last of the bandages around my hand and wrist.

He'd been dismayed at the amount of injured skin, saying it was almost as if I'd dipped my hand into a bowl of low-dose acid, which _was_ pretty much what the coffee tasted like… anyway, Carson agreed that it was quite the serious burn.

Hesitating for only a moment, I decided to tell him about the memory flashes I'd been having-- determining that it had to be more then just lack of sleep causing them. I mean, if I'd just been lost in thoughts of the past, I wouldn't have left my hand under a stream of blistering hot coffee for so long!

But, Beckett disagreed.

He peeled off his gloves with a sharp snap, tossing them into a nearby trash can. "Rodney, there's nothing wrong with you."

"What are you talking about?" I said, though it went against every fiber of my being to admit this. "I'm telling you, right now, that something is seriously wrong!"

"All the tests say otherwise." Carson pointed out in an infuriatingly calm voice.

I pushed two fingers against each side of my temple, asking the world in general, "Is this real? Is this _actually_ happening? I mean, the Carson I know would be trying to _help me."_

With a sigh, he spun around on his stool, standing and walking towards his desk. "Actually, I amend my las' statement." Carson said, lifting up a chart that I assumed was mine, flipping the pages up. "There is something wrong."

"I know that."

"Ah here it is." He walked back towards me, gesturing at a specific part of the paper and lowering the clipboard so it was in front of my face.

His finger was pointing to some messily scrawled words. Typical. I glanced up at his determined face, asking, "You don't expect me to be able to read that, do you?"

Beckett grimaced. "Is it really that bad?" I just raised an eyebrow as he took it away. Clearing his throat, he read aloud, "Diagnosis: _slight_ dip of blood sugar, _slight_ exhaustion , _slightly _elevated blood pressure--"

"Yes, yes." I waved an impatient hand, I knew all that. But there must be something _else_ too. Why wasn't he listening to me?

He glanced over the clipboard at me, "What you need is a good rest, a large breakfast-- something _other _then those dreadful power bars ya' seem to love so much, perhaps a bit of exercise--"

Watching him drone on and on, I let my thoughts wander, and as it usually happened; I had an idea. Granted, it wasn't a very _good_ idea, but at least it was _something. _"Carson!" I interrupted him harshly, snapping my fingers.

Startled, he glanced down, seeing me begin to rise from my seat on the bed, "What is it?"

"Those head scans you took earlier. Let me see them."

He let the papers fall shut, holding the clipboard against his chest. "Why? I've already checked 'em."

"Because you obviously missed something."

Frowning, he told me indignantly, "I 'ave not 'missed something' Rodney. You're scans were clean."

"I'm having flashes of random memories for no reason! Extremely _vivid_ memories!" I reminded him, quickly moving from 'irritated' and landing in 'angry'. "It is exceptionally obvious that you missed something!"

"And you think seeing your PET scans will cure you?" he asked blandly. "Do ya' even know what to look for?"

"It doesn't matter!" I scowled, ignoring his attack on my lack of medical knowledge. It's all voodoo anyway. "Just go get them." I ordered, emphasizing my request by pointing over towards his file cabinets.

"Rodney, I'm not going to get 'em." he said exasperatedly. "There's no reason for it. Jus'… you're tired. Why don't you go take a nap, an' later we'll discuss--"

A nap. I stalked away from him as he continued to talk, heading for said filing cabinets. If he wasn't going to show them to me willingly, then damn it, I was going to tear apart his office to find them myself. Pulling open a drawer, I started tossing useless files to the floor, searching for my own scans.

"Wait! Rodney, all right! You nasty little bugger! _I _will get 'em."

Stopping in the middle of throwing… Mmm… ah, _Stackhouse's_ files out of the way, I looked over my shoulder and saw Beckett heading for his office. "You keep mine separated from the others?" I asked, sort of pleased.

He rolled his eyes, disappearing behind the door and calling, "Don't sound so happy. It's not just you."

Ah, well.

"Your whole team has their own special spots in my office. Ya' come in here often enough, right? Okay… here we are."

I crossed my arms, expecting him to come out then.

But he didn't.

"Carson!" I called with irritation.

"Just a moment!" he yelled back, and I could hear his patience wearing thin. I fell silent, deciding not to push my luck any farther then I'd done already. My own patience paid off though: the door banging open a second later with Carson striding out and flipping open a large folder.

He walked past me and over to one of the light boards situated on the walls; sticking an x-ray against it and switching on the light. "Well, get over here then." he said to me in a clipped tone, putting up another x-ray as I stepped over the strewn about papers to take a spot across from him.

"See this?" Carson asked, his finger hovering over the first scan he'd put up, tracing large white marks all along the inside of the brain image.

"Yes." I said, twisting the fingers on my good hand nervously. Was white good or bad?

"_That _is Major Sheppard's brain. Perfectly normal." he said, watching me. "Now…" The finger traveled over to the second scan. The white parts on this scan were brighter and larger then the first one. "Your brain."

"It's different." I said, shoulders slumping and feeling defeated. I knew it. Something was wrong with me. Here was the proof.

Carson nodded, looking over at the scan as he went on, "Yes. While the Major's brain is functioning quite predictably-- _your _brain shows slight traces of ADHD."

My eyebrows furrowed. "Right." This was old news to me. I'd learned it right after high school-- even taking pills for a while; though that hadn't lasted long as they didn't really do anything for me. "And…?"

Carson sighed, dropping his hand, "That's it, Rodney."

"What?" I said, not believing. "That's it?"

He nodded.

"No tumors?" I asked anxiously; wanting there to be a _reason _for the sudden visions that plagued me. "Strange growths? Hemorrhaging, perhaps?"

Beckett turned away, pulling the x-rays off the board, saying, "No, no, and no."

"But, I--"

"Rodney, there is nothing wrong with you!" Carson insisted, already putting the x-rays back in the folder. "You're just tired."

My mouth worked noiselessly as Beckett flipped off the board's light. Could he be right? The memories appearing because of fatigue? He'd never been wrong before… and I really _hadn't_ slept much in the last couple of days, due to the constant work Atlantis always seemed to need…

"Carson! A little help here!"

I spun around to see Major Sheppard helping a limping Ford through the door, arm around his waist. They both shined with sweat, and the Lieutenant's face screwed up in pain every time he stepped down on his left leg.

Beckett ran past me, working with John to get Ford situated on a bed. "What happened?" the doctor asked, pulling up Aiden's pant leg and setting the folder down on the floor.

"We were… training." Sheppard explained simply, straightening up, and I noticed he was sporting a bloody lip. His eyes traveled over the med lab as Carson started his exam on Ford's leg, finally settling on me. "McKay." he said in slight surprise, wiping away some blood away from his lip. "What are you doing here?"

Rather hard-core training, I couldn't help but think, lifting an eyebrow. "Just leaving." I finally told him, straightening my jacket and striding towards the door. Carson was much too preoccupied to be talking to me now, and I needed to think.

Time to get to the lab. I'd come back later when he wasn't busy.

Sheppard glanced down at Carson for an explanation, but he was in the middle of poking and prodding the poor Lieutenant-- something not to disturb.

"Had a coffee accident." I decided to tell him, holding up my bandaged hand as the door slid open. "Now, if you'll excuse me." I stepped through, saying over my shoulder, "I have a MALP to fix."

---

* * *

--- 

tbc- next one's longer and more intriguing, don't worry.


	7. Chapter 7

Les1- Hey I _like_ Billy Joel-- it's McKay that doesn't!  
:P  
Dee- Wow. My ego-- it flies! Seriously, those are some kind words there, and I'm glad you think so.  
anatoliaone1 - I saw what you wrote over at SGAHC, and I just wanted to say thanks-- that was very awesome of you.  
Greywolf Lupous- a bone? Hm… well, I'll just tell you- if someone somehow managed to guess what was really going on-- I would be very, _very_ surprised. Like, flabbergasted. So, my suggestion to you would be just… 'go with the flow', I suppose. (:  
a golden starfish- I _thought_ that was you! Good thing you like suspense, because, uh… well, just read on.

More?  
(7)

* * *

. 

Turning the corner for my lab, I wondered if Carson could be right about his explanation for the sudden visions. I _wanted _him to be right- but his rationalization just seemed too easy. 'You need sleep.' Right.

I'd gone longer without it.

"Ah, there you are!" I heard Radek Zelenka call cheerfully before I saw him; I'd been staring down at my boots as I'd walked into the lab, lost in thought.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked grumpily. It's true, misery does love company. Not unusually cheerful foreigners.

"Where is your radio? I've been trying to contact you-- Oh, never mind." he interrupted himself as I remembered that I'd left it in my quarters this morning. I'd been a bit preoccupied, hadn't I? Rubbing his hands together excitedly, he went on, "I've found something Ancient. Something you should see."

I scratched my head hesitantly. Normally I'd be all for inspecting new stuff, but I was disconcerted with my episodes from earlier and I wanted time to brood. Something I'd been denied _all morning_. I waved at the MALP vaguely with my injured hand, "I've still got to fix -- "

"Oh, I finished it as I waited for you." He cut me off briskly. "Very simple. So, you will come with me to see them?"

"I've already seen the Bales," I said impatiently. "Lieutenant Ford's back with Beckett if you want company that badly."

"_Bales_," his brow creased in confusion that bordered on irritation. "I… I do not know what Bales are, but, what I have found are probably much better."

"As in more than one?" My interested was piqued almost against my will.

A grin started across his face, "Much more."

I remained doubtful, "I don't know, I'd still like to make sure you fixed the MALP correctly -- "

He frowned, saying, "Come on! It's ah_, fun _things I found!"

"Fun?"

Zelenka nodded quickly, his smile returning.

"I… could use some fun."

-

He led me to one of the transporters, pressing on the map for a previously unexplored portion of Atlantis and giving me a big grin.

I didn't return it.

The ride in the transporter was quick, and when the doors slid open Radek immediately took off down the hall, making me call, "Hey! Wait up!" as I chased after him.

He disappeared into a side room, and I cursed under my breath. Damn, he could be fast when he wanted to be… Finally catching up, I planned on giving Zelenka a speech on proper etiquette -- but ended up stopping short when I saw what filled the room.

"Whoa." was all I could manage. Not exactly brilliant, but it fit the moment.

Radek stood off to my left, still grinning, "It is something, isn't it?"

The room was jam-packed withbowling-ball sized machines. They covered the floor once you were about two feet in-- and the room wasn't small by any means. If I had to guess, I'd say there were about a hundred of them sitting in there.

The little machines looked similar to bowling balls too, the only difference being intricate etchings on their side and the metallic color of their casings.

"Yeah." I said, the side of my mouth lifting as I stepped through the doorway, "What are they?"

Zelenka shook his head, "I don't know for sure, but… I found this," I glanced over and saw him indicating a small portion of the wall next to him, covered in tiny writings of Ancient language that had actually been engraved into the wall. "and well, I believe the writing says they may be… toys."

I blinked in surprise, saying, "Really?" then bustled over and moved him out of the way so I could get a closer look at the inscription in question.

Ten minutes later I announced that the little machines might be toys.

Zelenka rolled his eyes.

Twenty minutes later, I determined that the writings were rules to a very complex game involving them. The instructions were written very sloppily, though, as if children had done it. So unfortunately, I couldn't really understand most of the juvenile wordings they used describing the game. Although I did conclude, rather uselessly, that if the balls made contact with one another, your team got a penalty.

I tired of deciphering the illegible instructions though, much more eager to find out what made the spheres 'tick'. Or if, in fact, they would even _work _after being left alone for ten thousand years. Probability suggested yes, but you never knew.

Radek had sat on the ground during my reading time, rolling a ball back and forth between his hands, obviously bored.

"Here. Lemme' see that." I said to him, turning away from the information on the wall and holding out a hand.

He continued pushing the ball back and forth, staring at me over his glasses. The look held a clear 'get your own.'

"Fine, fine." I sighed, walking up to the mass of spheres and reaching out for one.

The ball reacted immediately to my forged-ATA gene touch; the intricate designs lighting up in beautiful colors and shining brightly. I looked over at Zelenka, smirking, "I bet you wish yours did that."

He ignored me, pointing, "Look."

I glanced back down and was surprised to see the ball rise slowly from the ground of its own accord, finally floating lazily in front of my face. I lifted a hand, preparing to touch it again, but before I could, several compartments suddenly opened on the ball, and little transceivers poked out of them, revolving not un-like tiny satellites would.

"Whoa! _Cool_!" I exclaimed delightedly with a grin. "Man, I would've _killed_ for a toy like this-- er, when I, um. When I was a kid, that is."

Radek, who was now standing, apparently decided to disregard my obvious slip of the tongue, instead saying eagerly, "I wonder… what would happen if we turned on two at the same time?"

My eyes brightened at the suggestion. "Now that's an experiment!"

I activated another one, and we were slightly disappointed to get the same results with this one as we had with the previous. I guess we secretly expected them to start shooting at each other with lasers or something.

"If they are part of a game, I believe they would probably have an inner score-keeper." Zelenka said suddenly, scooping his ball up from the floor and turning it around in his hands, "Maybe there is a way we could look up the last scores…"

I titled my head to the side, figuring out what he meant. "You mean find out how good the Ancients were at their own game from ten thousand years ago? Interesting prospect."

"Yes, I think so." He shrugged, "We may also figure out _how_ to play the game."

"Quite right." I said, clapping my hands together enthusiastically and turning to leave. "Okay. I'm going to go grab some tools. I'll be back."

-

As promised, I returned quickly enough, and we spent the entire morning sitting on the floor, dissecting and scanning the spheres, occasionally muttering things to ourselves, and sometimes even letting the other in on what we'd found out. Mostly though, we typed things into our respective laptops, trying to crack the code of the game.

When lunch came 'round, we reluctantly left the spheres and headed for the mess hall, talking excitedly as we walked. My earlier visions had long receded to the back of my mind; I didn't want to, nor did I feel like figuring _that_ out right now. I had new toys to play with! Er, experiments to work on, I mean.

"It's obvious they send their scores and/or penalties into a main computer that doesn't exist anymore."

"Obvious, yes, but I do not think the computer doesn't exist, perhaps we just haven't found it yet?"

I scoffed at his bad judgment, asking, "Don't you think they'd keep their 'score keeping' computer in the same room with the other parts of the game?"

He frowned thoughtfully, "That _would _be the logical thing, but maybe -- "

"No, the computer's gone." I waved a hand dismissively, wanting to move on from that topic. "But that doesn't matter," I insisted, "because we could make _any_ of the computers on Atlantis work with them!"

From his frown and skeptical positioning of the eyebrows, I shrewdly deduced that he was doubtful. "It would take a bit of work, but I know I, er--_we_ can do it." I amended. "Seriously, we'd just have to alter the spheres programs--"

"Rodney!"

Surprised at the sudden interruption, I turned to see Elizabeth jogging towards us, demanding, "Where have you been?"

Zelenka gave me a slightly sympathetic smile as he continued on to the mess hall, leaving me to face Weir alone.  
After giving a dirty look to his quickly retreating back, I turned to Weir and started, "Elizabeth, I--"

"Where's your radio?" she asked, coming to a stop in front of me.

I reached a hand up to my ear, finding it curiously radio-less. Second time I'd been asked that question today, I realized. "Oh. I left it in my quarters -- "

She shook her head, waving a hand dismissively, "Never mind. Just -- you need to have your radio with you at all times." She gave me a look, crossing her arms over her chest. "You know that."

Frowning at the chastising way she spoke to me, I defended myself, "Of course I know that! I just… I was busy this morning with…" I tried to think of what to say, finally settling on a tactful, "Well, I just got preoccupied all right? It… uh, it won't happen again." Hopefully.

Elizabeth pursed her lips, obviously considering my words before she nodded. "Good. Now, how's the MALP situation coming?" she asked, "I was planning on sending that one out today… "

"Ah, yes." I said, glad with the turn in conversation, "Well, Kavanaugh somehow managed to load a virus in its program when he was going through some readings- just as I'd first suspected. Of course, I found the problem after many hours of painstakingly going through report after report--"

"You fixed it then?" she cut me off.

"It's fixed." I confirmed, only slightly put-out by her lack of interest in the work I'd done. Nothing new there. "I'll have it brought to the 'gate room for you."

She smiled appreciatively, "Good. That's all I wanted to know." Uncrossing her arms, she half-way turned, saying, "Now, go get your radio Rodney."

"Right." - after I grab some lunch, I added to myself, parting ways with Elizabeth and continuing to the mess hall.

My stomach growled hungrily as the smell of the mess hall reached my nose. Very bizarre. I usually never allowed myself to get hungry enough for my stomach to growl like that.  
Walking up to the lunch line, I promptly filled my tray with unappetizing food I would've overlooked if I'd been on Earth and had more of a selection to choose from.

"McKay!" I saw Zelenka waving at me from his table with a big smile, surrounded by other scientists and no doubt telling them of the Ancient toys he'd found.

I grabbed a cup of ruby-colored Athosian juice, setting it precariously on my already full tray and turning around to join them.  
I froze in mid-step; heart jumping up into my throat.

There, sitting next to Radek at the lunch table, was my long deceased father.

He wasn't there a moment ago, but he was there now. His dead eyes stared at me vacantly, apparently unbothered by the maggots crawling around them; the gray, decomposing skin of his face peeling away to reveal bones.

I couldn't breath. _What? _I couldn't think. This wasn't real.

But there he was, defying reality and continuing to sit between Radek and a scientist's name I couldn't remember right now even if I wanted to.

I glanced at Zelenka, who was still chattering away happily, unawares of the zombie-like figure beside him. The bright sun shone through the large windows around the room, lighting up their table, and making this whole event seem even more surreal.

Dad slowly rose to his feet, reaching a sickeningly thin hand out towards me, and though he wasn't nearly close enough to me for this to be possible, the smell of his decaying flesh assaulted my nostrils, triggering my stomach muscles to clench in protest as its contents threatened to rise.

I involuntarily took a step back, feeling ill. This wasn't happening, it simply was _not_ happening -- because I know he's six feet under the ground in Robinson Hill Cemetery.

I remembered helping mom pick out the casket, I remembered it being lowered into the ground, I remembered speaking at the funeral, _hell_, I even remembered how uncomfortable my suit was that day! So, obviously, this wasn't real.

The hand continued to reach out for me though, a layer of skin from his decaying arm ripping away and falling onto the lunch table with a sickening 'plop.'

I had a vice-like grip on the tray in my hands, knuckles white, still unable to draw a breath.

As his dead eyes continued to bore holes through my own, long un-used lungs rattled with air they shouldn't be able to fill with, sending chills up my spine while allowing my father to moan, "_Rodney_…"

The tray slipped from my hands, crashing onto the floor, food rolling everywhere, juice splattering my pants and boots.

"_Rodney_…" he groaned again, his mouth hanging open to expose a rotting tongue.

I fled from the mess hall, not even hearing Radek call after me.

---

* * *

--- 

tbc


	8. Chapter 8

I don't have time to reply to everybody this time 'round, but thanks so much for the reviews! My bunnies are feeling well-fed for the moment.  
:P  
a golden starfish- I don't know exactly how long it will be- since I don't divide it up into chapters while I write, but I'm guessing (if I keep up with the same chapter-lengths I have right now)… around twenty chapters, maybe?

-- Aaaand here we go.  
(8)

* * *

. 

Somehow I managed to get to my quarters. How I did this, I'm not entirely sure, because I kind of blanked out. I only remembered the need to get _away._

Away from the goddamn _memories_, away from Charlie, away from Billy Joel, and away from my dead father.

Stumbling into the bathroom adjacent to my room, I collapsed in front of the Ancient toilet, immediately heaving out what little contents I'd had in my stomach. I remained there for a long time, gagging painfully whenever my father's wasting face reared up in my mind.

His voice… I rested the side of my face against the lid, breathing heavily and way too tired to care about the germs. His voice was how I remembered it, but it… it wasn't him, it was dead and wrong.

"McKay?"

I didn't hear the door open, was all I could think.

"Rodney, are you in here?" John tried again.

"Go away." I ordered, my voice echoing back at me; wincing when I realized how pathetic it sounded.

After a moment, I heard him in the threshold of the bathroom, "Zelenka said you left the cafeteria in quite a hurry."

I lifted my head, turning it in the other direction so I was looking at him, before dropping it down again. "What is it about 'go away' that you don't get?"

I must've looked quite dreadful, because once Sheppard saw my face, his arms uncrossed and he exclaimed with a horrified expression, "Holy shit, McKay! I just-- When was the last time you slept?"

I thought, but couldn't come up with the answer.

He glanced at the floor, "Is that blood?"

I followed his gaze curiously, eyes falling onto the hard bathroom floor next to me, covered in red liquid. "Oh. No, that's Athosian juice." I must've dragged it in with me from the cafeteria, I realized in a disconnected sort of way.

John opened his mouth to ask a question, but closed it with a loud snap instead, coming forward and grabbing one of my limp arms, hauling me up to my feet. "You're going to bed now."

"What?" I managed to pull away from him, nearly slipping in the juice. "Sleep isn't going to help!" I said, breaking out of my stupor and quickly becoming angry, "Didn't I ask you to leave? Wait, no -- you just _barged _in here and --"

"McKay, I'm trying to help you!" he interrupted almost pleadingly.

"I… I just need to think, okay!" My world seemed to be falling apart. I shouldn't be seeing and hearing things that aren't real! I shouldn't be reliving random memories for no reason! I'm not crazy!

…Am I?

I shook my head furiously, I didn't have time for those kinds of thoughts. Of course I'm not crazy. I'm just -- just… I… And it _killed_ me that I couldn't come up with a logical explanation.

"Leave me alone and let me think!" I ordered furiously, refusing to go any further down that line of thought; pushing past him and walking to the door that leads into my quarters. I pressed my hand against the pad, turning back to face John, who was watching me sadly. "Look, I even opened the door for you. Now _get out_!"

He didn't move.

"Rodney, I know you can't… " He bit his lip in frustration before continuing, "You just need to take a break from everything. Really, maybe…. maybe that'll help?"

I took my hand away from the pad, letting the door slide shut. I pointed a finger at him, "Listen to me. Fucking _sleep_ will not help, okay? I've gone longer with no sleep and never seen…" I stumbled, my father's face coming back anew. I unconsciously shook my head, trying to dislodge the horrifying image, "Never seen things I shouldn't see! This is _not_ because of sleep problems! Everyone needs to _stop_ saying I need fucking _sleep_!"

He held up his hands in defeat, "Okay, okay! You don't have to if you don't want to."

I closed my eyes, breathing deeply through the nose in an effort to compose myself. I could feel my heart racing, and I had a slight tremor going through the hand pointing the finger, which also happened to be my bandaged one. I dropped the hand and opened my eyes once I'd determined I was calm enough to speak again, "Good. Now, if you would." I waved towards the door.

John looked pained, still rooted to the spot. "Rodney, I think I should tell you -- "

He was interrupted by a sudden and loud alarm, making us both jump in surprise.

"What? What's that for?" I asked loudly over the noise, my anger dissipating as curiosity and anxiousness overcame it. "That's not the alarm for an incoming wormhole, is it?"

"No, it's different," he agreed over the noise, "we should head to the control room!"

I nodded, but called, "Stop!" when he started towards me. "Could you hand me that?" I pointed towards my bedside table.

His eyebrows knit together in confusion, but he turned. "Oh." He grabbed it and tossed it to me.

I slipped the radio over my ear, "Right, let's go."

-

-

No sooner had I turned on the radio when I heard Weir's voice in my ear, demanding that I answer her, and that I'd better be on my way to the control room.

"Yeah, I'm here." I replied once she'd stopped to get some air, with Sheppard next to me as we swiftly made our way towards a transporter. Using the collar of my jacket to wipe some gathered sweat from my forehead, I attempted to focus on the present situation and forget about what had happened in the mess hall and the subsequent scene with Sheppard in my quarters.

I heard her sigh of relief over the radio before, "We've got a problem."

I rolled my eyes; the alarm still ringing through the halls. "Yeah, I guessed." I dropped the collar. "What is it?"

"Atlantis…" she trailed off, then, obviously speaking to Grodin, "Could you kill the noise, please?"

"Elizabeth, you're going to have to be a little more specific." I said impatiently, reaching the transporter. Sheppard pressed on the map for the control room. "I'm smart but that's a bit vague for even me."

"Sorry." The alarms abruptly shutdown. "Atlantis is being attacked."

Oh no. I blew air harshly out through clenched teeth as my eyes slid shut. After a moment, I managed to inquire softly, "Wraith?"

John's head turned sharply in my direction.

"No." Elizabeth answered quickly, "Not Wraith."

My eyes flew open again in surprise. "Really?"

"Right. Um. I'm being told… that there's… whales." she paused, then, "Attacking us, that is."

"What?" I glanced up at John while saying to Elizabeth, "Mind repeating that?"

Another pause. Then: "Whales Rodney. Giant whales are destroying an Eastern part of the city."

As my mind tried to grapple with the fact that the Wraith _weren't_ swarming our planet, and that our main fear was _giant whales _at the moment-- the transporter door's slid open, revealing the control room.

Weir and Teyla were both watching as Grodin typed madly at the computers with personnel running around them, looking panicked.

Spotting us in the transporter, Elizabeth waved us both over. "Put it on screen, Peter." she said as we neared, with Grodin immediately complying.

"See here?" Peter said as a map of the city flickered onto the large screen. It showed a group of white dots converging on the Eastern pier, running into the city walls repeatedly, creating enormous waves and actually succeeding in breaking huge chunks of the city off. "Dots are the whales." he explained unnecessarily.

"Yeah, got that." Sheppard said, an eyebrow lifting. "What I want to know is, _why_?"

"Why are the whales attacking us?"

"Bales." I corrected without thinking about it, suddenly connecting these creatures with the ones I'd seen earlier, which I really should have done the very moment I'd heard 'whales'-- but I allowed myself some slack because of the extenuating circumstances.

Sheppard turned, asking incredulously, "Excuse me?"

"Um." I floundered for a second, not particularly wanting to reveal that the Bales and I had a previous relationship- you never knew what Sheppard was going to mock you for. "We saw a pack of them this morning." I told him, waving over at Teyla, who nodded in confirmation. "They were swimming around outside the mess hall balcony…" I went on, looking back at the map, "Probability suggests this is the same group."

"Hm." Sheppard acknowledged with a nod, but it seemed he couldn't help himself from commenting on their titles, because he asked in a pained voice, "But why _'Bales' _man?"

"Hey." I held up my hands, "Wasn't me."

"Was Ford with you?"

"Gentlemen." Weir ground out in obvious annoyance. "_Try _and focus on the situation."

"Sorry." I said, slightly abashed. Sheppard just gave her a smirk with an accompanied shrug, which he obviously thought was endearing. "Back to the Major's earlier question…" I said, managing to resist the urge to roll my eyes, "_Why_?"

"It does not make sense that the Bales would attack the pier for no reason." Teyla pointed out reasonably.

I saw Sheppard wince at her usage of 'Bales' but, in an effort to stay on track, he only said, "Could something be hurting them over there?"

"Or might their be something that they're attracted to?" Elizabeth offered.

Apparently, it clicked in Grodin's head at the same moment as mine.

"The Naquadah generator." we both said in sudden understanding.

"There's nothing else--"

"That's got to be--"

Elizabeth held up her hands in exasperation, "Wait, wait. Explain. The Bales want the generator?"

I shrugged. "It's the only thing that makes sense. That generator is the one located closest to the ocean. And, if you all remember, when we first got here, the Eastern pier was somewhat submerged--"

"Right." Elizabeth confirmed, forehead wrinkled in remembrance.

"Well, refreshing your memories; in order to fix it, I had to connect that generator into Atlantis' _actual wiring_." When that amazing statement got no reaction, I went on with raised eyebrows, "Incredibly complicated stuff… caused quite a controversy between myself and Hayes little group…" They all stared back at me blankly. "Am I ringing any bells here?"

Sheppard gave me a sidelong glance, saying, "Imagine you are."

"You're kidding me!" I said with exasperation, but after looking at each of them in turn and still getting that look, I realized they weren't. "I was public enemy number one with the rest of the science team for weeks after that- and you're telling me none of you even _remember_?"

Elizabeth gently massaged her temple, saying into her hand, "Forgive me Rodney, but those were some busy weeks."

I 'harrumphed' in discontent but, for the sake of her headache, decided to move on. For now. "Anyway, it might just be that the power from the generator is affecting the water, and the Bales sense it." Turning to Grodin I told him, "Just turn off that generator, and they'll probably go away."

"Like the energy being, back when you had the personal shield." Sheppard stated lightly.

"Kind of." I replied, watching as Grodin started typing in the proper commands, "Only this time we just have to turn off the one generator. And we don't have to keep the Bales going in circles. And they should go away by themselves…" I glanced up at Sheppard then, telling him frankly, "Actually, it's nothing like the energy being."

From his self-deprecating grin, I guessed that he agreed.

"It's not working." Grodin announced a moment later, sounding particularly frustrated.

"What?" I asked sharply, focusing my gaze down at him again.

"The codes…" He typed some more before looking up at all of us, "They aren't making it through! The whale- uh, or Bales did you say?"

"Grodin!" Weir snapped.

He winced, "Sorry. Um, they must have destroyed the equipment necessary for a remote shut-down."

"And this means…?" Teyla started questioningly.

"That it's going to have to be shutdown manually." Elizabeth finished, looking between Sheppard and myself as she said it.

"Not an easy task." I informed them grimly, "That generator is connected so tightly into the system… it might as well be another wall."

"Okay." Sheppard said, clapping his hands together pointlessly; he already had everyone's attention. "McKay will tell me what to do, and I'll head on down there--"

Snorting with repressed laughter, I stared up at the ceiling, asking, "My God, do you even listen when I talk?" Lowering my gaze to settle on the Major I informed him, "Sorry, _that's_ not going to work."

Sheppard's look darkened as he asked, "Why?"

"Because it's much too complicated to even _explain_ to you!" I exclaimed, trying to imagine Sheppard understanding the inner-mechanics of the Naquadah generator. Ridiculous, really. "Let alone for you to actually _do_ it." I sighed heavily, "No, it'll have to be me."

Sheppard was already shaking his head, "No. Not after…" he trailed off, but I could guess the gist of what he was going to say. He was clearly disturbed about finding me in my quarters earlier in that state, and though I'd managed to forget it for a little, the whole zombie-father thing came rushing back anew. "Just-- no, I'll take Peter…" he said, and Grodin started to rise helpfully from his chair, before I placed my hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. "… or Zelenka." Sheppard finished, raising an eyebrow.

"What?" Did he think I couldn't handle it? "I can do it!" I insisted angrily at his doubtful look, repressing the image of my father as best I could. "Besides, there's no one else here that can even disconnect the thing. No offense, Peter."

"None tak--"

"Really," I went on, speaking to John, "Zelenka _might_ give it a run for it's money, but--"

"McKay…" Sheppard said tiredly, shaking his head.-- and then he did the most curious thing. He looked down at my neck.

"Um," I raised an eyebrow uncertainly, "Major?"

"Whoever's doing it needs to do it soon." Peter spoke up from his chair, distracting me, "The… uh, 'Bales' are destroying those walls rather quickly."

"See?" I told Sheppard, who was looking back up at my face now, "We don't have _time_ for me to explain the procedure to you."

"He's right John." Elizabeth said from her position next to Teyla, "We _don't _have time for this. Take a team with him and go. Just… keep radio contact."

I looked over at her disdainfully, "A team would just get in my way, and I'm sure Sheppard will do a decent job at that himself." The Major sighed at the remark, but I continued, "Please don't make him bring a group along to help."

She smiled wryly, "All right."

"But I _will _accompany you." Teyla said, stepping forward.

John looked surprised, which, in turn, surprised me. Why would he be surprised that Teyla wanted to come? "Really?" Sheppard asked.

"Only because Aiden can't join you." she said, and if I didn't know better, I'd think she sounded annoyed.

Remembering how the Lieutenant had been limping after that training session with Sheppard, I asked, "Oh, is he still with Carson?" I looked over at John, "You really did a number on him."

He glanced down at his hands before meeting my eyes, "Yeah, I guess so."

BWEET BWEET BWEET

We all jumped in surprise at the sudden, and not to mention, _loud _noise.

"It's the alarm." Grodin explained quickly, pressing buttons and silencing the racket. "Bales set it off again." he said apologetically.

Weir looked over at us, raising her eyebrows.

"Going." I told her, already turning and heading off for the transporter, knowing Teyla and Sheppard were following close behind.

---

* * *

--- 

tbc


	9. Chapter 9

Wowie, thanks again for all the kind reviews! It does the heart good.

Sorry it took so long to update (little bro is hogging the internet connection with x-box live...grumble mumble...)- and as part of my apology, I put two chapters together for your reading pleasure. So, we cool?  
:P

Okay-dokey:  
(9)

* * *

. 

The transporter doors slid open and the three of us marched out fearlessly, prepared to meet whatever would to face us.

"Well." Sheppard said, after we had immediately darted back into the small space. "That can't be safe." which pretty much summed up my own thoughts on the situation.

Rubble littered the hallway and charged wires sparked, hanging from the ceiling ominously, waving around and snapping as the current ran through them, giving a rather decent impression of some very pissed off snakes. As if that weren't enough, running water, perhaps a good six inches deep, ran down the hall in front of us, already beginning to fill the bottom of the transporter.

Inherently, water and electricity don't mix. Well, actually they mix very_, very _well- as water is a fantastic conduit for said electricity- and therein lay our problem.

"The Bales have obviously caused some severe structural damage." I stepped forward as I said this, peeking out the door cautiously and studying the ceiling. "Huh. Most of the wires are actually pretty short." I told them, glancing back over my shoulder, "If we're careful and keep low, we could probably avoid major injury."

Sheppard gave Teyla a sidelong glance, "I'm up for it. You?"

She didn't even look in his direction, just nodding towards me.

"Alright then." I said, deciding to analyze her strange behavior at a more convenient time, and turning back to face the hallway, "Let's--"

Smith flicked the hanging light on, pointing it towards me so the powerful beams actually blinded me for a moment. "Do you have **any** idea what you've done?" he asked furiously, lowering the light even further.

I shifted on the hard seat, blinking repeatedly and wondering where it was even possible to buy such rickety furniture, or if they'd gone dumpster diving. I answered lightly, "Why yes, I think I've got a pretty good idea."

Smith curled his lip, apparently disgusted with my answer, because he turned away and stomped off, just to stand in the corner.

"Forgive my partner," another man who hadn't introduced himself yet cut-in, materializing out of the darkness and settling down into the chair across from me, "Sometimes he just can't contain it."

I raised an eyebrow, actually confused. "Contain what?"

The man blinked once, then decided that I must be joking, because he forced some laughter and said, "That temper of his. Anyway, there's no need to feel intimidated here, kid." He gave me a big, bright smile, and I wondered if he'd had his teeth whitened. "Just tell us where you got those bomb schematics."

I sighed, falling back onto the chair heavily, "Look, how many times do I have to tell you guys? I drew them up for the science fair!"

The man's smile became strained, but he did manage to keep it. "Come on Rodney, you know you didn't build an atomic bomb!"

"It's McKay. And yes, I did."

He ran an irritated hand over his mouth at that, staring at me through the light for a while and looking contemplative. Finally, he dropped the hand, saying resignedly, "Okay. **McKay." ** He glanced down at some papers in front of him, before lifting his eyes, "How old are you again?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing full-well that all the information he needed to know was on those very papers he was pretending not to read. But, as I'd never been interrogated by the CIA before, I decided to see what would happen if I played along for a bit. "Ten."

"Sixth grade?"

"Yes."

He tilted his head slightly, "Kinda' young for sixth grade, right?"

I smiled brightly, "Nothing gets past you, huh?"

He grimaced, but didn't reply; instead, he just said, "Must've gone to school early… made you feel smart, and uh, at this- was it a science fair? you wanted to impress everyone. So you go lookin' for some schematics, right?"

"Pure genius." I said, grinning even wider. I mean, this **was** some pretty funny stuff.

Unnoticed by me, Smith had come back from his corner and decided to announce his presence by slamming his hand down hard on the table-top, making me jump. "I'm tired of your sarcasm, kid!" he yelled, getting right down in my face and letting me know he smoked on a daily basis- cringing as I accidentally inhaled some of that noxious breath, "You're gonna' tell me where you got 'em, and you're gonna' tell me **now**!"

But before I could even say anything, the other man jumped up and grabbed Smith's arms, pulling him away from me. "Calm down man!" he ordered very dramatically, pushing Smith back toward his corner once again. Once Smith seemed content in his little place, the man smiled back down at me apologetically, "Sorry kid-- er, McKay. That temper of his… outta' control…. So, how 'bout you tell me some more about these schematics you found?"

It dawned on me as he continued to show me his strained smile. Oh my God… They were actually doing the good-cop, bad-cop routine! On **me**! I laughed cheerfully at the realization, nearly bouncing up and down on the chair as the man started asking me more questions.

Man, this was just getting better and better!

"Doctor!" a voice called out lightly. "Doctor McKay!"

"Just splash some water on him."

My eyes shot open at that and I sat up quickly, not wanting to be mistaken for 'splashable' any longer. But the sudden change in position did nothing to help the confusion and I nearly fell over in my disorientation. "What?" I asked bewilderedly, reaching a hand out to grab something for balance. "Where?"

"Disconnecting the Naquadah generator, Atlantis." Sheppard answered promptly, standing across from me in the now ankle-high water, reaching forward and grabbing my arm when I still looked like I might fall over.

"Oh." I said, looking away from Sheppard and suddenly realizing I wasn't where I thought I'd be. "Hey." I stated slowly, Smith's toxic breath only now dissipating, "Where's the transporter?"

Teyla, who'd been somewhere off to my right, came forward and rested a hand on my shoulder, telling me calmly, "We carried you here after you were shocked."

Sheppard released my arm once I was standing up straight, and I blinked down at the Athosian, asking, "I was shocked?" Perhaps the electricity had brought on this sudden memory this time?

She tilted her head, answering quietly, "Yes."

I looked down and saw that they'd laid me on an abandoned workbench, which had kept me from getting soaked. "Okay." Trying to focus my thoughts, I shared a look with John, inquiring, "The generator?"

He grinned wryly. "I was wondering when you were going to ask." He stepped to the side, pointing towards a doorway he'd been blocking, "Thataway."

I just nodded and stepped past him, still unnerved with that memory flash but not quite knowing what to do about it. Carson was wrong. All of this simply could _not _be because of sleep deprivation! I ducked down underneath a swinging wire on the other side of the door, already planning another visit to the med bay as soon as I was finished disconnecting the generator- only this time, I'd get some answers.

"There she is." Sheppard spoke up from behind me, breaking me from my thoughts as I looked up.

Upon seeing the devastating scene that met me, I nearly lost all feeling in my legs and I'm almost sure my mouth fell open.

The generator… it had literally been _pushed out _from it's previous position in the wall, and was dangerously close to tumbling down into the water below, only staying upright because of a few wires that remained determinedly plugged into its sides.

Amazingly, and particularly _terrifyingly_, it was still running, the lights flashing brightly around it's crest to demonstrate that fact. "Aag?" I managed after a moment before rushing forward, water splashing all around me and up onto my khakis.

"What is it, Doctor?" Teyla asked with obvious concern.

"Just… just, uh. One moment." I answered haltingly, fingers twitching as I circled the teetering mechanism, trying to decide the best course of action to take.

"McKay…" the Major said, sounding much more like a warning than a name.

Ignoring him, I pressed my lips together in a harsh line as I carefully, oh so very, _very_ carefully pushed the generator back up into a stable position. "One. Moment." I repeated through gritted teeth, heart racing as I gently pulled out the core of the machine, which thankfully came out of middle of the generator with little trouble.

Once that task was finished, the generator lights stopped flashing and the humming noise abruptly ended.

Releasing the breath that I hadn't known I'd been holding, I sat back on my heels, staring at the generator in amazement and calculating the odds of just how long it would have lasted in that precarious position.

It wasn't very long.

Sheppard gradually came to stand next to me, kneeling down and joining me in the staring. "Well?" he said, breaking the silence, "Is that it?"

I blinked, momentarily broken from the generator's spell. "Is that it?" I repeated disgustedly, pushing on my knees to get up in standing potion, staring down at him and carefully considering if he'd ever said anything so stupid.

"Yeah." he said, looking back up at me nonplussed. "'Cause, I mean…" he waved at the Naquadah, "I could've done that without you here."

My mouth worked noiselessly and my eyebrows drew down. "You could've…" I finally repeated, which was quickly become a habit when dealing with the Major's idiocy, "Without me…"

He quirked an amused eyebrow, rising up. "Right."

I wondered if I should tell him just how close we all came to being blown into tiny little pieces of deadness, but, in the spirit of immense relief and just wanting to forget this crazy moment in my life, I ignored his question and waved vaguely at the generator with the hand holding its core. "That…" I started tiredly, "should probably be brought to my lab."

He stared at me for a moment longer, but finally shrugged, saying, "All right. Let's go then."

Turning away from him, I carefully grabbed each end of the generator, lifting it and gently holding it against my chest as we all walked down towards the transporter once again; vigilantly avoiding the electrical hanging wires from the ceiling and the gathered rubble on the floor.

This time, the sudden shock didn't come from a wire- rather, it was Elizabeth's sharp voice in my ear.

I stumbled and nearly lost my precious hold on the generator, which, apparently no one around here seemed to understand, _was a friggin' bomb!_

I'd been so surprised, I hadn't even heard what she'd said. Cursing, I waved over to Teyla who carefully took the generator and it's core from me so I could reach my radio.

"What is it?" I demanded with obvious annoyance as Sheppard pressed down on his own radio to join the conversation.

"You've disconnected the generator." she stated.

I waved an irritated hand as our little group continued towards the transporter. "Yes, thank you, I wasn't sure."

"We're taking it to McKay's lab now." Sheppard told her in a much more polite tone then I had been using. "I was gonna' contact you once we got there."

"Good. Thought you should know, the Bales have ceased their attack on the city. You were right, Rodney."

I smiled grimly. "Did you doubt me?"

"No, but we've got another problem."

I rubbed a hand over my eyes, the smile disappearing as quickly as it had arrived, already knowing my plan of going to visit Beckett wasn't going to happen. "Another one?"

"Yes, I--"

"Wait." Sheppard interrupted, looking over at me as he continued with Elizabeth, "Does McKay really need to know about this?"

I was surprised at that statement, to say the least. "What did you just say?"

"Sorry John," Elizabeth interjected, "but this is big."

"Sorry _John?_" I exclaimed incredulously almost running into the wall before realizing we'd made it to the transporter.

An exasperated sound. "Just listen!"

I glared over at Sheppard furiously, but because of Elizabeth's serious voice, I managed to remain silent.

"Peter tells me Atlantis is preparing to submerge."

"What!" I yelped in surprise, immediately forgetting my anger and making John and Teyla jump. Quite a feat in itself, really. Anyway, "What does that mean? It's trying to sink _now_?"

Silence. Then she said hurriedly, "Just get over here as soon as you can."

Teyla nodded down at the generator in her hands. "I will take this to your lab Doctor. You should get to the control room."

I gave her a grateful look as the transporter door's flew open, pushing the radio's mouthpiece away from my mouth, "You take the first one then."

She stepped through, carefully managed to press the map and smiled briefly before the doors slid shut again.

As soon as she was gone, I rounded angrily on the Major. I don't know why I waited to confront him, but I did. "And just _what_ was that all about?"

"What?" he asked, feigning innocence and avoiding eye-contact.

I cleared my throat. "Does McKay really need to know about this?" I demanded in what I thought was a rather decent impression of John's own drawling voice.

The transporter door's opened again as he shrugged. "You just looked tired, is all."

"So, what?" I said, following him into the small space, "You didn't even want to _tell_ me about it?"

Sheppard sighed heavily, even as he pressed the map "I guess I just wanted… uh, you to go and get some rest." he said after a moment. "Sue me for caring."

I rolled my eyes, but my irritation did ebb away a bit. "Fine. Just… don't do it again."

"What, care?" he asked with a slight grin, the transporter doors sliding shut.

"No," I said, sneering before I clarified, "try and leave me out of the loop like that."

He nodded. "Okay."

But, for some reason, I didn't feel assured.

---

"Where are you?" Elizabeth's voice came over the radio again, sounding just a tad impatient.

The transporter doors slid open and I called over to Elizabeth's back, who was bent over Grodin's shoulder, "I'm here."

She jerked up, startled. She recovered quickly though, "That was fast."

"Yeah, that's me. Mr. Speedy." I deadpanned, walking over to them with John following behind. "Now, fill me in."

"_Us_ in." Sheppard amended.

I crossed my arms in irritation, "Yes, _us_. Because John is going to fix the problem, I'm sure."

"Just look at this," Grodin said, pointing at a computer screen and totally ignoring the exchange, "Some outer parts of Atlantis are already closing to protect highly sensitive areas inside."

"Really?" I took Weir's spot, leaning over to look at the computer read-outs. "It's going rather slow isn't it?"

He nodded, sliding his chair over to another keypad and pressing some buttons. "That's because it's going against its protocols. It doesn't _want_ to sink. But it has to."

I studied the computer, realization dawning on me. "The Naquadah generator… we're out, aren't we?"

Peter confirmed my fears with a solemn nod.

"Uh, excuse me?" John asked, waving a hand for attention behind me, "What are we out of?"

I closed my eyes for a moment; this was bad. "Power."

"Oh."

I opened my eyes again, glancing at Peter. "And if we plugged the generator back in…?"

He shook his head, "Disconnecting the Naquadah certainly didn't help the situation, but Atlantis was pretty much depleted anyway." He pointed towards some more diagrams on his computer, "In a last ditch effort, the city tried to take the power from the rest of all the generators." He lowered his hand and looked back at me. "They're all drained."

I stared at him. "Are you serious?"

"Quite."

At this, I looked around for another chair to collapse in, but found none. Shit… I glanced back at Grodin's diagrams. I knew this would happen eventually… but I just hadn't expected it _yet_. Maybe in a couple months… God, If we didn't fix this, we'd have to abandon the city. We'd have to go and live out our lives in some little alien city on another planet.

Even the thought of that happening was enough to make me nauseous.

I looked back at Grodin, "How much time do we have until Atlantis is ready to go under?"

"At this rate-- I'd say two days."

Two days, I logged it, though I still didn't quite believe it.

"We can only fix this with a ZPM, right?" John asked.

What the…? I turned towards him, an eyebrow raised skeptically.

The way he'd asked it… well, he just made it sound like he had one hidden down in his quarters or something. "Right." I said slowly, "You don't happen to have one stowed away for emergencies do you?"

His laugh resembled a bark, "No, if I did, I think I would've brought it out when the Genii came around."

"Mmm." I went back to the computer, asking myself to please ignore John's pointless remarks in the future.

A map of environmental readings of the planet caught my attention. "What," I asked Peter, pointing at an alarmingly large disturbance out in the middle of the ocean, "is _that?_"

He rolled his chair over, looking. "Oh, that's just an electrical storm. Albeit a _massive_ electrical storm, but it's nothing we have to worry ourselves with."

"You're sure?" I inquired, remembering the whole situation with Koyla and _that _storm. "Because we'd be pretty powerless if it came over here now, and I really don't want to deal with another problem."

"Positive." he told me with a grim smile. "It's not going to come anywhere near us _or_ the Athosians on the mainland."

Reasonably satisfied, I went back to studying the other readings, going through all the choices we had. Unfortunately - all the choices needed a ZPM to be completed.

"Elizabeth, I don't -- " I turned around and saw Weir having a rather heated discussion with her radio, just far enough away that I couldn't hear what she was saying.

John was gone.

Well, that was disconcerting. "All right, fine." I mumbled, staring back down at the computer and trying to clear my head as I spoke aloud, "I can do this by myself. No problem. Just think logically. Atlantis needs power. We _have_ no power. Where can we _get _power?"

My eyes flickered over to the electrical storm readings.

No, that wouldn't work. The storm would have to be on _top_ of us. And even then, that much power couldn't necessarily be controlled--

"Rodney, what is going on?"

I blinked, interrupted from my rapid thought process. Zelenka had entered the control room, coming over to me with a bewildered look on his face. "What?" I asked in confusion, my thoughts still focused on the storm.

"People are saying we might have to evacuate." he explained, looking over at Grodin's frantic typing, "And you didn't come back down to the room with the Ancient toys, so -- "

Proverbial light bulb!

"That's it!" My hands shot up at the sudden idea, whacking him hard in the face - causing his glasses to go flying. "Oh sorry!"

"Ow! What? What is _it_?" he cried, obviously aggravated as he rubbed his nose.

"The toys!" I continued excitedly as I went to retrieve his glasses from the floor, "We can use the toys!"

"I still do not understand." he said exasperatedly, "Use the toys for _what_?"

I gave him back the glasses, "Oh right, you don't know. Sorry, I should've called you on the radio. Atlantis is starting --" I felt a pin prick on the side of my neck. Slapping a hand against it, I pulled it away and examined my palm. Blood?

"What?"

I sluggishly turned around to see Carson Beckett holding an empty syringe.

"Hey! Why'd you do that?" I asked stupidly. "Not right… to…" my words slurred together, and the whole room was getting kind've sideways.

He caught me as I fell, lowering me carefully to the ground.

The room was quickly getting dark, and I couldn't really think anymore.

"There! Happy?" he asked someone furiously.

But I slipped into unconsciousness before I heard anything else.

---

* * *

---

**tbc**


	10. Chapter 10

Ah, you guys are very convincing- so I kicked bro off the x-box and am updating just for you wonderful, fantastic reviewers.  
:)

(10)

* * *

. 

"He said something about the Ancient toys. Though I do not really understand how that would help the situation. He seemed very excited about it, though."

"Ancient toys?" John's voice filtered through the fogginess in my mind. "I haven't heard of any toys being here."

"Ah, I found them this morning. It's really quite interesting -- "

I decided to interrupt him there; I didn't need to hear the whole story again. "Da' toys…" My tongue wasn't working properly though. I cleared my throat then continued haltingly, "Those toys may…be… able to save Atlantis."

I opened an eye and the other lazily followed suit. I was still feeling confused--not quite sure where I was at the moment-- and I'm sure my eyes were rather glassy looking.

John and Radek were staring down at me.

"What happened--" I started, before it all came rushing back. Carson, the needle -- "Where's Beckett?" I growled, sitting up and realizing I was still on the balcony in the 'gate room.

John put a calming hand on my shoulder, "He's not here. Besides, you need to focus on the Atlantis-sinking-to-the-bottom-of-the-ocean problem."

"No, I need to focus on the crazy doctor who goes around sticking people with needles!" I snapped, adding as an afterthought, "Problem."

Sheppard and Zelenka shared a look, before John said, "You needed… a break."

My eyebrows knit together in confusion, "What?" I looked around, seeing people walking about and going on with business as usual. "In the middle of the control room?" I demanded, then slowly started to stand. "How long?"

"Only eh, twenty minutes." Sheppard answered after glancing at his watch, standing up with me. "Now, what was your plan with the… Ancient toys, are they?"

"No no." I wagged a finger at him, almost losing my balance and grabbing Radek's arm for support. "Don't try and change the subject. I want to know why I was drugged and I want to know _now_!" To say I was pissed would be an understatement. "Friends don't drug friends! It's like… I don't know-- an unspoken rule!"

John clasped his hands together in the prayer position, pointing them towards me, "I will be glad to answer all of your questions, _after _you fix Atlantis."

"No! I don't get this!" I cried, head reeling from the strange behavior of my teammates, "Beckett drugged me for no reason, and you just… want me to ignore it!" I released Zelenka's arm, able to support myself now. Shaking my head I repeated in a disbelieving tone, "I don't get this. I _really _don't understand."

Sheppard seemed at a loss for words. And he stayed that way; until I started for the transporter, that is.

"Where are you going!" he called, impatience creeping into his voice. "We need you _here_!"

"Fuck _that_!" I yelled back, "I'm going to talk to Beckett!" Adding more quietly to myself, "Find out what the hell is going on here."

He darted forward - too fast for me to do anything, grabbing my arm and spinning me around to face him.

"Let go!" I ordered furiously, trying to pull away from his grasp. "Something's happening here and Beckett -- "

"You're right," he interrupted, still holding me there. "Something _is_ happening. _Atlantis is preparing to sink_! And you need to stop it, and I know you can, if you'd just focus a little here!"

His words flew by me unregistered. I had time to speak to Beckett, I tried to reassure myself desperately. Atlantis could wait a little longer. I _needed_ to see Beckett. I needed to feel that I was in control of something! "You can't make me do anything. Not military." I reminded him defiantly, struggling in his surprisingly strong grip.

"Again, you're right." he stated simply, "I can't."

I glared at him, anger practically radiating from me. "Let. Me. _Go_."

He glared right back, his jaw flexing convulsively.

After a few tense seconds, he slowly released me.

"Well, that'll bruise." I rubbed the sore spot on my arm with a small pout. I looked up to meet John's eyes, promising, "I'll be back, I just have to talk to Beckett - "

There was a deep rumbling sound from all around us.

"What the-- _Now _what is it?" I demanded exasperatedly, practically throwing up my hands in frustration. What else would I have to deal with today?

"It's Atlantis!" Zelenka said, still standing by the computers as he gazed around the room, as if looking for the source. "I believe this will start to become much more frequent!"

Without warning, the floor shifted violently beneath us, throwing Sheppard forward- effectively tackling me to the ground.

"Ouch. Jeez Major!" I complained as John rolled off me once the rumbling had stopped. "Aren't you military types supposed to have a sense of balance?"

He grunted noncommittally, already back up to his feet.

"I was wrong about having two days!" Peter called from across the balcony, typing madly on his computers, "Atlantis has sped the 'preparing to submerge' process! More likely we have about twelve hours!"

It was like a slap to the face.

We had to figure this out, and we had to figure it out _now._

"Radek, the Ancient toys --" I said rapidly, instantly jumping back into business and taking Sheppard's offered hand and regaining my footing, "I think I can change their programs to allow them to become, in effect, mobile grounding stations. Like during the storm with the Genii."

"Mobile grounding stations." Zelenka repeated, pushing up his glasses, "That is a contradiction."

I sneered, "Did you miss the 'in effect' part? Look, if I get started now I might, and I stress _might_, be able to get a new program written in up in time." My head was starting to pound just thinking about it, but at least I felt some of that precious control I needed coming back to me. Maybe I could fix this. "I need you and a team to go down to the room with the toys -- y'know, we really need to give that place a name -- 'room with toys' just isn't gonna' cut it -- "

"Focus." John urged softly.

I ran a hand across my mouth, feeling uncharacteristically drained, "Right. Um, go to the room with the toys and just-- just _wipe _their already-installed programs."

"All of them?" Zelenka said sadly. "We can't save some for -- "

I rolled my eyes, "I already have their original program saved on my hard drive, if any of them survive, we'll be able to download it back in, all right?"

"Survive?" Sheppard cut-in, sounding puzzled now. "Survive what?"

"Haven't you been listening?" I asked, feeling what precious little time we had left slipping away, "Mobile grounding stations." I pointed towards the environmental map for Sheppard's sake, "We're going to send the toys out to the electrical storm to harness the power we need to keep Atlantis from sinking. Maybe even save enough to last a couple more months."

He lifted an eyebrow, but I could see that he was beginning to understand. "Do you really think they'll be able to handle that? I mean, are they sturdy enough to be zapped by that much power?"

I shook my head, the odds were against us, but… I bit my lower lip, "I really don't know. I'm hesitantly hopeful. Atlantean technology is very durable, and… I'm thinking it'll work." I ran a nervous hand over the side of my neck, suddenly feeling a band-aid.

Oh yeah, Beckett and that damn syringe. I was going to have to talk to him later.

_After _I saved Atlantis, of course.

I looked up at Zelenka, who just stared back at me. "I'm wondering," I said, "what are you still doing here? _Go_!"

He flinched, then sounding flustered said, "Right." He walked briskly towards the transporter, already contacting other scientists on his radio as he headed off.

"Where's Elizabeth?" I asked John abruptly, looking around the control room and realizing she was nowhere to be found, which was, to say the least, _very_ strange. "Shouldn't she be here?"

He twiddled his fingers, and from his whole sudden change of demeanor, I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd started toeing the floor, not unlike a child who'd just got caught trying to steal a cookie before dinner. "Ah, she had important business to take care of."

I stared. "More important then Atlantis sinking to the bottom of the ocean?" I finally managed in disbelief.

John began to open his mouth to reply, but I help up a hand, stopping him. "Y'know what? Never mind. You keep giving me these cryptic, half-assed answers to everything I say, and I just don't have time for that. So, forget it. I'm going to go to my lab now. _I _have to save Atlantis." Turning on my heel, I called over my shoulder sarcastically, "Oh, and when you see her, you should probably fill her in on the plan." and not waiting for an answer, I stepped into the transporter, pressing on the area located closest to my lab.

"Will do." John said, just before the doors slid shut.

---

---

It was more difficult then I had anticipated.

Not only did I have to rewrite their entire programs to fit our needs, but during a particularly difficult alteration - I realized the toys would not be able to fly out to the electrical storm by themselves as I'd originally hoped.

They just weren't made for that kind of use. They were made for hovering.

Someone was going to have to actually fly them out to the storm in a Puddle Jumper. "Major," I called Sheppard up on the radio to let him know the good news, still typing away on the laptop in my lab, "we have a problem."

After a moment of silence, John answered in a tired voice, "Don't tell me that McKay. Don't."

Atlantis interrupted our conversation, rumbling ominously again.

"Someone's going to have to fly the toys out to the storm." I told him once it finished. "These guys only hover. No flying."

"That's not good." he said.

"I _know. _Recall how I said it was a problem?"

He sighed, "The Puddle Jumper's shield wouldn't be able to withstand getting hit by lightning, right?"

"That's the problem. It might be able to get hit eh, five times at most, but then the shield generators would overload." I typed in some more codes, saying dispassionately, "Inevitably frying the person inside."

"Right." he said resignedly. "There's no way you can like, make the Jumper into a… a…" he paused, searching for some word.

"Yes?" I urged impatiently. I had a raging headache, a growling stomach, a life-or- death situation, and I wasn't in the mood for stupidity.

"Conduit!" he cried happily when he found the word, making me jump. "Into a conduit, y'know? Like, make all the energy flow through it or -- "

"Shut up for a second." I snapped, pushing back from my laptop and pondering aloud. "Okay, okay, so, we turn the Jumper into a conduit… channeling energy, but not killing us, we'd have to… we'd have to…uh, well," I stopped, tilting my head, "that might work."

"Can I talk now?" Sheppard asked cautiously.

I pounced back on my laptop, opening a new program to see how ridiculous or brilliant my idea was in real life. "Rather you didn't."

He managed to stay silent for about three minutes as I typed madly into my computer. Then, "McKay -- "

"We need a metal net." I interrupted briskly, sitting back and looking at my new work. "And a huge antennae."

"Net and a big-ass antenna, coming up." he said jauntily, obviously happy to just have something to do.

I couldn't help the grin his words elicited. "Big-ass net too, Major. It needs to be able to hold all the toys."

"I'll get Kavanagh and his group started on it. Sheppard out."

I nodded, though he couldn't see me. I clicked my radio's earpiece again to open a new channel, "Zelenka, how's the program-wipe coming?"

"We are nearly complete." he answered promptly, and I could hear frantic typing in the background, "What about your new program?"

I opened the altered-toy program again, scrolling to the place where I'd last stopped. "Nearly finished. Look, after you're done, find Major Sheppard and help him attach whatever antennae he's found to the Jumper with the shield."

"Antennae?" he inquired curiously, "When did we need an antennae?"

I sighed, feeling a real desire to just lay my head down on the work table and go to sleep. "No time. Just do it."

He must of heard my weariness, because he didn't argue. "Understood."

The radio clicked off, and after allowing myself a moment or two rubbing the side of my pounding head, I started back into work.

Atlantis rumbled again.

---

* * *

--- 

_tbc _


	11. Chapter 11

fanficaddict- Wow thanks! here's more!  
Orka- you're half-right. :)  
angw- I don't think your headache will be relieved just yet. Almost.  
Livy1213- I'm glad you like the memory-thingies. :) Clue? 2nd chapter, first set of italicized schtuff.  
Porthos1013- Glad you're liking it!  
cybersyd42- Thanks! & (points up to response to Livy1213's)  
tricky1379- okay. :)  
szhismine- yes ma'am. or sir. :)  
Dee- You're 'no pun intended' really made me laugh- :) - thanks for the great review.  
nightpheonix- Wow! I'm glad you like my own interpretation of McKay's POV. Thanks so much!  
Elisa- ah! So many questions that will so soon be answered! (sorry brother successfully succeeded in delaying me.)  
:P  
Anatolia1- Hee! Sorry! I'm happy you're still enjoying it, though.  
nebbyJ- Ooh, great analogy. Here's more!  
Greywolf Lupous- Well, _you_ guys get answers soon- but, as for McKay... Glad you liked that line. :D

(11)

* * *

. 

I closed the laptop with a satisfied 'click,' glancing down at my watch. "Finally." I muttered to myself, sliding off the stool. We had four hours. Probably less, since Atlantis seemed to be shifting even more then before.

Grodin had contacted me earlier as I worked, letting me know that some of the city's primary functions were shutting down. The main intercom system was out, plumbing was malfunctioning, and the sensors wouldn't turn on anymore.

The sensors worried me the most; we could no longer monitor the storm.

I tucked the computer under my arm, heading off to the Jumper Bay to make the necessary modifications to the Jumper's shield. Instead of blocking the lightning, it would have to let the energy pass _through_ the shield and _into_ the toys. If I was right about the shield configurations, it should be relatively easy.

On my way to the Jumper Bay, I had to pass the mess hall.

My stomach growled hungrily as I approached-- as it _had _been quite some time since I'd eaten anything, but there was absolutely no way I was going in there. The hallucination I had earlier with my father made sure of that- but I successfully managed to block that disturbing memory from my mind. I'd analyze it later; figure out what the hell happened, and then maybe I'd get a moment or two to go see Beckett about those damn memory things, and hopefully he'd say something more then 'you go sleep now.'

I simply did not have the time for it now.

After passing that particularly upsetting hurdle, I made it to the Jumper Bay fairly quickly.

"Careful, _careful_! That's a torch, and _that's _my hand!"

"Sorry!" came back an apologetic voice, "If you're getting hit, you should get off the Jumper so I have more room!"

"Who would make sure it didn't fall then? Just be more careful!"

Walking into the circle of parked Jumpers, I looked up to see Major Sheppard atop Puddle Jumper One, holding a ridiculously large antennae upright and skirting around various sparks from Zelenka's welding. A bucket lay near his feet, filled with spare metal parts that were obviously being sacrificed in the name of soldering.

Radek was standing on a small ladder, a large metal mask over his face with only a small slit to see through. He was wearing elbow-length rubber gloves -- which he used to handle the blazing welder, fusing the antennae to the ship. Sheppard had no such safety equipment.

"How's it coming?" I asked Radek from behind, apparently startling him, because he reared back- inadvertently pointing the torch up at John.

"Hey! Hey!" he cried, jumping to the side, but valiantly continuing to hold the antennae up.

"Sorry!" Zelenka exclaimed again, slightly muffled behind the mask and pointing the flame back down towards the antennae's base.

Sheppard glared down at me. "You don't sneak up on people handling torches!"

I rolled my eyes, not feeling much sympathy for him. His hopping back and forth had been greatly amusing, and it's not like he'd _actually_ been injured.

I went to Radek's side, leaning my back against the ship and asking, "Are you almost done here? Because I need to get inside the Jumper."

"Almost." he answered as Sheppard asked, "Why?" at the same time.

"Good." I nodded at Zelenka before glancing up at John, though all I could see was his boot from this angle. "Because I have to alter the shield operations for this plan to even work."

He moved so I could see his face, raising an eyebrow. "Why?" he said again.

I flexed my jaw in annoyance, sudden indignation flaring, "Because I just do, all right! Do I need your permission, Major? Can I do something without you having to know every little reason! _Can I_?"

His other eyebrow went up with the other one, "Oookay then. I was just curious."

I lifted a shaky hand up to a sweaty brow. Oh boy. This was a familiar feeling.

Definitely at the beginnings of having a hypoglycemic reaction - the shaking, the headache, the sweat, not to mention the killer hunger… but for some reason I just _couldn't_ work up a sense of urgency at it. I mean, I _knew _I should either be heading towards the medical lab or the mess hall. But I just… I don't know. Didn't want to.

Huh.

"McKay?"

I blinked, looking up and seeing Sheppard staring at me as if waiting for something.

"What?"

"I asked you a question."

I pushed myself off the Jumper, ignoring the wave of nausea that caused while trying to control the urge to be snippy with him. "Well, do me the honor of repeating it."

Instead, he narrowed his eyes. "You're shaking, McKay."

"That was your question?" I said bemusedly, looking down at my trembling hand and muttering, "Not even a question."

Why was my hand shaking like that? I couldn't focus. Oh right. Low blood sugar.

Zelenka had turned off the welder, lifting up his mask to look at me more clearly. "Rodney?"

I lifted my gaze, stating rather indifferently, "I'm having a hypoglycemic reaction."

"Um. Isn't that bad?" Sheppard said from above us.

"Yes." I nodded, "I'll probably start having convulsions soon. That's what's happened in the past anyway, 'cause this one time in college, you know how college is, you can forget to -- oh-- reminds me, I had this one teacher, Miss, uh, damn, I can't think- Miss _something_, anyway she taught chemistry…" I paused in my mindless ramblings to get some air. "Well, believe you me, she was _hot_."

Zelenka glanced up at Sheppard, asking warily, "Is he, uh, joking?"

"I don't know." John replied, while Zelenka adjusted the welder to rest against his hip. "McKay?"

I sighed tiredly, suddenly remembering I had a laptop tucked under my arm. "I suppose I should give this to you," I handed the computer to Radek, who nearly dropped it; "You need to upload my program into the toys. It's the one titled 'Save Your Sorry Asses'."

He peered over his glasses at me, "Is it really?"

"I thought it had a certain ring to it."

Sheppard jumped down from the Puddle Jumper, landing behind Zelenka. I guess the antennae was welded on enough that it wouldn't fall over without him holding it. "I think we should go see Beckett now." he announced..

"Yes, because _he's_ been so helpful lately." I spat, crossing my arms insolently, "I'd rather take my chances with… with… Um." My brain wasn't working quite right, so I couldn't come up with anything and I ended up staring at them both curiously, forgetting I'd said anything at all.

Sheppard and Zelenka shared a look.

People were doing that a lot around me lately, and I didn't really appreciate it.

Wait, what didn't I appreciate? Argh, I couldn't remember. "Were we just talking about asses?" I asked them feeling particularly frustrated. I sighed in defeat, mumbling, "I need sugar."

"Correct." John came forward and placed his hands on my shoulders, turning me around so he was pushing me towards the door. He called back to Zelenka, "I'm taking him to Beckett. You can handle the antennae by yourself?"

"Yes, of course." I heard the welder turn back on as we left the Jumper Bay.

My involuntary shaking had continued to increase and Sheppard, still guiding me with hands on my shoulders, exclaimed, "Jesus McKay! Are you going to be able to make it to the med lab?"

"Jeee-zus." I mimicked, giggling stupidly.

He muttered something, but I couldn't quite make it out. We continued down the hall, and though I stumbled a few times, we were making good time.

Until we neared the mess hall.

My already speeding heart-rate skyrocketed, and I became increasingly anxious.

Sheppard didn't notice, though. As if talking to a child, he coaxed, "Here we go, look at that, we're at your favorite place, McKay. Let's grab something that you can eat for the rest of the trip."

I dug my feet into the ground, stopping us about two feet from the door. "No."

"What?" He questioned, pushing against my back, "Come on, let's move it."

I didn't budge. I knew what was waiting behind that door and there was no way John was going to make me go in there.

"McKay!" he grunted, really shoving into me now, "It's just a snack!"

I pushed back just as hard, but in my weakened and confused state, Sheppard was successfully sliding me forward against my will.

"Stop, _stop_!" I cried as we got nearer, struggling against him. I could practically see my father waiting for me on the other side; skin hanging from his decaying face, rotting eyeballs being eaten away by maggots -- waiting to take me back to the grave with him.

In our frantic struggling, my boots slid out from under me -- landing me hard on my ass with Sheppard falling down onto his knees next to me, cursing in frustration.

I ignored him, gathering what little strength I had left to complete a backwards crabwalk away from the mess hall doors.

Sheppard quickly composed himself enough to jump forward and wrap a hand around my ankle.

"Let go!" I yelled hysterically, shaking the leg in hopes of loosening his grip.

It didn't work out quite like I'd planned, losing my coordination and collapsing down onto my back as my hands went out from under me.

"Calm down!" He ordered, pulling me towards him before I managed to kick him in the face with my military-issued boot. "Fuck!" He released my leg and reared back, covering his quickly blackening eye.

I tried to crawl away some more, but promptly found I had no strength left.

Exhausted, I lifted my head just to see Sheppard watching me wearily, his left eye already swelling shut, still on his knees.

"Okay." he said finally, rising to his feet, "You wait here and _I _will go and get you a snack."

"Ugh." I answered cleverly, holding my breath as he turned away to press the pad next to the doors, expecting to see my father's corpse once they opened.

Nothing.

The door's slid open to reveal nothing.

He wasn't there.

I let my head rest on the floor, closing my eyes in relief.

---

* * *

Dad dropped his car keys into my waiting hand, and I unsuccessfully tried to keep the excitement from my face as he cautioned me on the seriousness of the situation. We stood out in the driveway, the sun warming my back comfortably as I nodded at the appropriate moments in his speech.

I couldn't believe he was actually going to let me drive the 1957 Mercury Turnpike Cruiser. Practically his second son. Actually, his first son, since I came around later. Laboriously kept in pristine condition, washed regularly, put in a special garage during winter month's… and always a big deal when anyone other than my father was permitted to even ride in her.

_I'd just gotten my driver's license the day before, so it was very much of a shock when dad announced at breakfast that I would be driving his car today._

_ Mom beamed at me, and Jeannie glowered jealously as he led me outside. I couldn't help but smirk at my sister before I left the kitchen._

_"Are you listening to me Rodney?" Dad demanded, snapping me from my thoughts and looking as if he might snatch the keys back._

_ "Oh yeah, yeah." I nodded fervently, clutching the keys tightly in a fist as I listed off his points, "Be back before dinner, follow the speed limit, be cautious of pedestrians and watch out for the pigs."_

_That one elicited a soft smile from my usually grimfaced father, who rubbed a hand over his chin thoughtfully._

_ Afraid he might be changing his mind, I went to the sparkling car and opened the driver's door, prepared to climb in, but hesitated before lifting a foot inside, glancing over at my father nervously._

_ He was looking down at the driveway, considering, obviously uncertain about his sixteen year old son driving his baby only a day after receiving his license. But, after an excruciating minute of uncertainty for me, he finally looked up and gave me his approval with a small nod._

_I grinned happily, slowly sliding into the forbidden driver's seat_

_"Wow." I breathed, running an excited hand over my hair. So **this** is what it felt like to be sitting here. I could see why dad liked it so much._

_I glanced up through the front window, and saw him watching me expectantly._

_ "Oh. Right!" I said, slightly flustered as I opened my fist, remembering the keys. After putting on the seat belt, I held up the key ring, dividing the house keys from the car key, savoring the moment I knew was coming._

_I couldn't wait any longer. Eagerly, I inserted the car key, taking a deep breath before turning it._

_The engine came to life._

_ Though I could see he was extremely anxious, Dad managed to give me an uncharacteristic thumbs up as I put the car in reverse and rolled down the driveway._

"Do you…. any idea how close… falling into a coma?" a Scottish lilt woke me from my nostalgic slumber.

That car ride had been one of the happiest times in my life. The freedom, the obvious trust from my father that day, Jeannie's envy, Sarah's surprised face when I'd drove up to her work…

"Yes, I do. I was there, remember?" Sheppard. That was definitely Sheppard's voice.

Oh. Damn. I was back on Atlantis, wasn't I?

"But he said he needed to do something with the shield."

"He's right Carson." Elizabeth said quietly-- and I guess she was back from wherever she'd gone. "We need him up."

A _sinking _Atlantis.

Beckett sighed disgustedly, asking with clear exasperation, "What? You can't get someone else to fix the shield? We live with dozens of bloody scientists for Christ's sake!"

"Believe me, I tried. No one else knows how to do it." Sheppard told him, sounding just slightly amused. Then, much more seriously, "We either get him up, or we need to evacuate and let Atlantis sink."

I heard someone sigh. I wasn't sure who it was, though.

"Are you sure I'm _allowed _to get him up?" Beckett asked sarcastically, "Or would that be against the rules?"

… Now what was _that _about?

"Shut up!" Sheppard hissed, and, oddly, I had the feeling he was watching me now.

"Carson…" Elizabeth said warningly.

"Oops, sorry." he said, not sounding sorry at all. "Slip of the ol' tongue. Forgive me."

The medical bed I was on suddenly began shaking violently, and I heard Atlantis shifting and rumbling again.

It was silent in the room for a moment, before John said tiredly, "Carson, we need him. We have less then an hour."

I'd wasted that much time sleeping, huh? The urge to slip back into unconsciousness was almost irresistible. Just to forget about Atlantis and Stargates and flooding, and remember the blissful day spent with Dad's Mercury Cruiser.

But I couldn't do it. If I did, I knew I'd only have guilt problems later. Damn that conscience… "Oh leave him alone." I grumbled, slowly peeling my tired eyelids apart. "I'm up anyway."

The others turned towards me, surprise written all over there faces. Sheppard had an ice pack pressed against his.

"How long…?" Elizabeth started cautiously.

"Long enough." I said, narrowing my eyes and carefully sitting up, "What did Carson mean, 'allowed?' What's going on?"

"What's going on?" John repeated, conveniently forgetting the first part of my question, "Atlantis is about to be destroyed -- but you're going to save it, right?"

"Of course I am." I told him, and ignoring his pleased look, I went on, "_After _you tell me what the hell has been going on, and what Beckett meant when he said 'rules'."

Sheppard shot Carson a withering look, but he just stared back defiantly.

Elizabeth crossed her arms and said nothing.

"Well?" I demanded, breaking the awkward silence.

John pressed a fist against his forehead, muttering miserably, "We don't have time for this."

"You're right." I agreed, "So just answer me!"

Elizabeth turned to Carson, "Would you please take the I.V. out of him so he can go with Major Sheppard down to the Jumper Bay?"

I blinked, looking down at my arm. I did indeed have an I.V. stuck in there. I noticed I was still dressed in my uniform., too. No girly pink scrubs for me.

"Now, just wait a minute --" I started before Carson came to my bedside, gently retracting the I.V. tube and slapping on a band-aid. I grabbed his arm before he could turn away, making him look me in the eyes as I practically begged, "Please, just tell me what's going on!"

Carson looked regretful as he easily pulled out of my grasp and admittedly, I didn't have the strength to stop him.

John spoke up, "Come on McKay. Let's get this over with."

I ignored him, staring at Beckett. Gathering what little information I could from the short conversation I'd overheard, I knew neither Elizabeth or Sheppard was going to talk to me. He was my only hope. "Carson?"

Beckett's back was toward me while he turned off various monitoring devices; but he finally answered in a soft voice, "Elizabeth's right, Rodney. You need to go fix the shield."

"But…" I moved my mouth soundlessly, tearing my gaze from the doctor's back and meeting John's eyes. "What is going _on_?" I finally managed.

He worked his jaw, seeming to be in the middle of some internal conflict as he stared back at me, saying nothing.

"Major?" I urged.

Once again, Atlantis had impeccable timing for interrupting-- but this time was much more violent then the others had been. Medical supplies fell from shelves around the room, bottles shattered, and Carson barely managed to catch a telescope that slipped from a counter, and I had to grasp the edge of the bed in order not to topple off.

Elizabeth, who was leaning a hand against the wall for support, looked over at me and said in her 'I'm boss now' tone, "Rodney, you need to go _now_."

"Right." I slid off the bed, taking a moment to gain some coordination. "But, just to be clear, I expect some _answers_ when this is done. I'm serious. No more of the 'I'll tell you later' shit you've all been giving me. _Immediately _when I get back."

"Yes." Elizabeth answered quickly, pushing off the wall. "As soon as this is finished."

I raised my eyebrows at her imploringly-- not _quite_ believing her. "Elizabeth…"

"I promise Rodney." she said, sounding very candid and honest as she repeated, "As soon as this is finished."

I mulled it over, watching her carefully, before finally deciding she was sincere. She sounded sincere, she looked sincere, I'd never seen her _not_ be sincere… "Good." I straightened my shirt, glancing at Sheppard who was watching me as if he was… impressed? I tried to push down the surprise that elicited. Well, he should be. I _was _going to save us all. _Again_.

"All right then." I said, striding past Carson and coming up next to Sheppard and Elizabeth. "Let's go Major."

---

* * *

--- 

_tbc _


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you so much for the reviews everyone!  
Good times have been had in my e-mail inbox. :D

-- We start getting answers next chapter. But probably not in the way you're expecting. Don't hurt me.

-And, also, I think I should remind everyone this is rated T. M'kay?

(12)

* * *

. 

It was quite a sight; Puddle Jumper One.

Hovering about eight feet from the ground with a sixteen-foot antennae jutting straight-up from the roof, dozens of scientists and military folk working madly underneath, trying to attach a huge metal net to the bottom, filled with the Ancient toys… Yeah, not something you see often.

"Okay, where's Zelenka?" I asked loudly over all the noise as I walked up to the group with Sheppard next to me, "I need my computer!"

"Here!" I heard his obvious and accented voice before I saw him, emerging from a crowd of scientists, laptop in his hands. "This is yours."

I took the offered computer, immediately flipping it open as I asked him, "The toys…?"

"Your program is now uploaded and ready to go." he told me, slipping in-between John and I, so he could see the monitor, "Hook it up, and all you have to do is click the 'go' button."

"Click the 'go' button." I rolled my eyes at his use of words, opening the Jumper-shield program I'd made, muttering sarcastically, "I don't know if I can handle that."

"Actually, _I_ click the go button." John cut-in, tossing away the icepack he'd been holding to his eye, "_I'm_ going McKay, you're not."

"Sorry to tell you this Major," I said shortly, closing the program after finding it satisfactory, "but I _have_ to go now."

Zelenka glanced at both of our determined faces, apparently deciding not to stick around, because he disappeared back into the gaggle of busy people, commenting breezily, "I'll leave you two to it, then."

Ignoring Radek's sudden flight; "Look," I flipped the lap-top around so John could see the screen, "see here?" I pointed to the middle of the monitor, where large numbers were quickly running down, "That is my own, specially-made countdown. And we have exactly…" I leaned over the lid, "Hm, thirty-five minutes until Atlantis loses all power, and inexorably sinks."

"Yeah…?" he said slowly, clearly not getting my point.

I sighed at his stupidity before explaining, "It will take at least twenty minutes to actually fly _out_ to the storm. It will take _me_ at least fifteen minutes to alter the shield so this plan will work. And to alter the shield, I need to be _on_ the Jumper." I turned the computer back towards me, "Get it?"

"Can't you just tell me how to do it?" he asked stubbornly, obviously not wanting me to go out to the electrical storm.

I couldn't help it; I laughed. "You want me to explain how to alter the Jumper's shield's so it will effectively be turned into a conduit? To you?" I chuckled again. "Oh man. No, Major. Sorry to say, we don't have the time."

"Fine ." he snapped, grinding his teeth in annoyance. "We'll _both_ go."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I muttered, now busy with triple-checking my earlier calculations. "You're the only one that can pilot the Jumper in that storm anyhow."

"Hm." he replied smartly to my warped compliment, turning away and raising a hand to his radio to fill Elizabeth in on the recent developments.

"Dr. McKay! We're finished!" I heard a miscellaneous scientist shout happily from somewhere in the crowd. I glanced at John, who sort of nodded at me before clicking his radio again, "Markham, this is Sheppard. Lower the Jumper and open the hatch."

It was definitely a spectacle, Sheppard and I trying to climb into the hovering ship. Markham couldn't land, otherwise he'd be crushing the toys, so all he could do was lower the access ramp. Fortunately though, John managed to get up onto the ramp, grabbing my arms and pretty much pulling me up after him. Granted, not a very stylish strategy, but it got the job done.

Sheppard took control of the pilot's seat -- discharging Markham, who quickly got out of the way and promptly left.

"Okay, closing the doors -- " Sheppard started, reaching over to pull the door control.

"Wait, wait!"

Still in the back, I turned to see Aiden jogging towards the Jumper with an obvious limp, carrying a large cardboard box.

"Sorry, you can't come." I told him once he'd reached the ramp, "The Major's feeling kinda' choosy- I barely made it myself."

"No that's not -- " he sighed, and rolled his eyes, "Just, take this." He put the box on the ramp and pushed it towards me.

It slid down the hatch and bumped my leg.

"What's in it?" I asked curiously, nudging it away with my boot.

"Mostly some stuff Kavanagh's group put together while you were out in the med lab. They weren't sure exactly what you needed though." he told me, resting a hand on the ramp as he spoke.. "So, just the basics, y'know, flashlights that type of thing."

"Really?"

He smirked at my skeptical tone. "Yep. And actually, there's a heavy-duty medical kit that Carson insisted on when he found out about it, a crapload of extra tools on behalf of Zelenka, an' a couple parachutes." he added, adjusting his ever-present cap as he spoke.

"Crapload, huh?" I said, slightly amused. Then, "We brought parachutes to Atlantis?"

"Only a few." he answered, "So be careful with these ones."

I surveyed the packs at the bottom of the box critically. "Seems like a waste of space…" I trailed off, "Anyway, I think it's safe to say we won't need them. If the shield doesn't work, Sheppard and I won't have enough time to get out before we're roasted. So," I smirked sardonically, "no need to worry about the parachutes."

He grinned. "Just in case. I think the saying goes: better safe than sorry."

I shook my head, trying to imagine a scenario where a parachute would be useful-- maybe as a body bag? I considered morbidly, but decided not to say it. The kid was just trying to be helpful. "All right then. Thank you Lieutenant."

"I don't mean to rush you…" Sheppard called from the front, his anxious sounding voice acutely reminding me of Atlantis's desperate situation.

Ford backed away from the ramp as it gradually began to lift with a mechanical whir, saying, "Good luck."

Then he saluted me.

Surprised, I just gave him a small wave.

Though I hadn't really been planning to before, Ford's sudden show of respect prompted me to bring the box up to the front with me.

_"I know I don't have to say this to you," _Weir's voice came over the intercom as I reached the front, "_But, I will. Be careful."_

Dropping the large box on the floor behind my chair, I sat down in the seat next to John, telling her quite frankly, "I don't plan on dying today Elizabeth."

Sheppard glanced over at me with a small smile. "So optimistic."

"Well, you know me." I said with a returned grin before continuing my conversation with Weir, "I suppose this is as good a time as any to tell you --" I sighed, remembering Grodin's news from earlier, "Once the Major and I are near the storm, radio communication will be impossible, and you won't be able to scan for us. The storm will make all electronics useless."

"Don't worry, though." Sheppard added, pressing some controls as we ascended, rising through the ceiling of the Jumper Bay. "We'll be back in no time."

_"Forgive me if I do." _she replied, her tone laced with anxiousness. _"Jumper Two will be ready to go for a rescue mission if you're not back in an hour, and the rest of Atlantis will be on standby for an evacuation if things don't work out."_

I had nothing to say to that, and Sheppard remained quiet.

"_Good luck_." she finished, breaking the silence with a voice full of unspoken emotion.

"Thanks." we both responded simultaneously, and after glancing at each other John cut radio communications with, "Jumper One, signing off."

We were now outside, and as Sheppard made a loop around Atlantis's threshold to point us in the right direction, I was dismayed, although not entirely shocked, to see a small portion of the city already submerged. Beyond that, I made out the destruction to the Eastern Pier from the Bales, crumbling pieces from the soaring towers breaking off and falling into the ocean even as I watched.

"Your plan better work." John commented wryly, obviously noticing Atlantis's position too.

I swallowed nervously, but said - in what I hoped was a confident voice, "It will. Of course it will."

He pressed some buttons. "Good."

The drive pods slowly came out of their compartments on either side of the ship, the customary blue lights flashing as they started powering up.

We flew towards the storm.

--

* * *

-- 

"Ow!" I cried, for what must have been the third time in two minutes, shoving a burnt finger into my mouth. "Never get used to it." I muttered, pulling the forever-calloused finger out and shaking my hand to rid the pain; trying to calculate my next move.

"How are things going back there?" Sheppard called with impeccable timing from the front, still piloting the ship.

I didn't grace him with an answer, surveying the tangled wires I'd revealed from the Jumper's inner-workings with slight annoyance. I was resting on my knees, tools splayed out all around me, although they weren't helping much right now. I'd even brought over Ford's box and pulled out Zelenka's tools, but none of them helped either.

Reaching back to my laptop, which I'd already managed to hook up with the ship's schematics (at least _that _part had been easy), I clicked some buttons and brought up a 3-D diagram of the Jumper.

Huh. According to the diagram, I was in the right spot, I'd ripped open the right panels, and I should be looking at the right wires.

But I wasn't.

"I don't mean to be um, naggy here McKay," Sheppard spoke up, interrupting my thoughts and turning his head so he could see me working in the back, "But we're sort of dealing with a time limit here."

My eye twitched involuntarily. "First of all, Major, 'naggy' is _not_ a word. Second, I have a countdown right here on my computer, okay? I'm well aware of the time constraints, all right? So, just shut up and let me work!"

I glared at him, emphasizing my annoyance by slamming the lid of the laptop down.

Sheppard rolled his eyes, facing the front again.

Putting the computer to the side and digging through the wires once more, I wondered if maybe my diagrams were incorrect? As improbable as _that_ was, since I'm the one who'd made them, it did seem to be the only logical explanation.

"Are you sure naggy isn't a word?" Sheppard pondered aloud suddenly. "Because it should be if it isn't. It's just fun to say. Naaa-geeee."

I made a resolution to find ear-plugs once we got back to Atlantis.

"Naa--"

"Be _quiet_!" I snapped angrily, feeling an intense amount of stress. I'd already wasted at least five minutes staring at useless wires. This should've been the _easy_ part -- and Sheppard was really wearing on my already tenuous patience.

Thankfully, he fell silent. I think he was disappointed in my lack of response to his usual remarks-- but I was just too drained; I wanted to go to bed, I wanted to rest, and… well, let's see how much _he _was up for trading barbs when a city full of people were depending on him to save them in less then thirty minutes.

At a loss, I grabbed my computer, bringing up the flawed diagram once again.

"Seriously McKay, do you need help with something?" John asked, sounding surprisingly sincere now, "You're being just a bit snappish, and that usually happens when you can't figure something out."

"Which isn't often enough to mention." I grumbled, but sighed in defeat. "If you must know," I said, tapping rhythmically on the keyboard with a small pout before continuing, "the Jumper's schematics seem to have misplaced the shield mechanisms."

"Ah." he said after a moment, repeating pointlessly, "Shield mechanisms." And since he obviously had no idea what the hell he was saying, I was preparing to block him out and continue working again, but at that same moment he'd said 'mechanisms', a part of the diagram I'd been studying lit up in a bright blue color-- though it quickly faded.

"Whoa!" I exclaimed, clicking some buttons and trying to make it happen again.

Sheppard turned to look back at me, "What is it?"

"Hang on." I told him distractedly, willing the diagram to light up again. But absolutely nothing happened. "Come on!" I yelled in irritation.

"Did you find them?" he asked.

Once again, some components near the pilot's seat of the Jumper lit up on the screen. "Okay, just stay lit!" I practically begged the computer as I set it down and went to the front, trying to move John out of my way so I could get to that same compartment -- which was located underneath the piloting controls.

"Wait!" he barked in annoyance at my pushing, "Just let me put it on auto-pilot!"

I tapped my foot impatiently, but he finished quickly enough and moved out of the way.

Dropping to my knees and ripping open the lid of the compartment, I told him as I went through the wires, "Go back to my computer and tell me if the diagram is still lit."

He did as I said, but still muttered grumpily, "Would it kill him to say please?"

I ignored him, finding a group of distinctively orange wires. Orange was promising. "Well?" I called back to Sheppard.

"Well what?"

I rolled my eyes and asked mockingly, "Is the pretty picture glowing?"

"No."

I sighed in frustration, trying to understand. Why had it lit up at all?

"So, did you find the shield stuff?" Sheppard asked, then said in surprise, "Hey, it's glowing now!" Then -- just as quickly, "Wait, it's gone."

Oh. _Oh_! I sat back on my heels. Duh. "It lights up when _you_ think about it." I said to Sheppard resentfully, resting a fist against my chin, plainly enviousness of his super-gene. So, not only could he manipulate the Jumper itself, but he could also control _my_ computer when it was hooked up to it?

Fabulous.

"Really?" he said, sounding only slightly surprised. Then, "Yep, it's lighting again."

I went back to work, carefully pulling the wires apart. "Goodie for you." Well, that bothersome mystery was solved, and I'd found the shield wires. Everything should be smooth sailing from here. "How much time?" I called to Sheppard, pulling at a particularly stubborn wire.

"Uh," I heard some clicking, then, "countdown says twenty minutes and some change."

My jaw flexed involuntarily. Twenty minutes until Atlantis would be either destroyed or saved. Both depending on me.

No pressure though.

"Wire cutters please?" I called to Sheppard, blindly reaching a hand behind me and snapping impatiently.

A moment later, I felt the tool being pressed into my waiting palm. "Only because you asked so nicely." John said, voice dripping with mock-sweetness.

Distracted: "Uh - huh."

I needed to convert the shield into a conduit; relatively easy to switch now, going to be a real bitch to fix later.

Sheppard, who had sat down in the co-pilot's seat, was watching me now, rubbing unconsciously at his bruised eye and leaning an elbow on the controls while resting his head on his hand, a strange mixture of emotions clear on his face. I sympathized with him. If our positions were switched, and _I _was the one who had to watch another person fix this crisis, while I could do nothing, I'd be going crazy.

"Would you get out the flashlights from the box?" I asked him, cautiously taking apart the shield's safeguard mechanism.

He disappeared into the back, keen for something to do, while I went back to the task at hand. We wouldn't want the safeguard getting in the way later, but it was still weird to dismantle it. There wouldn't be any second chances with it gone.

Sheppard came back, holding a flashlight in either hand; a large heavy-duty one, and a more delicate pocket-sized one.

I took the smaller one from him, saying, "Kill the lights."

He blinked in surprise, but just a moment later, the Jumper was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the stars outside through the front window.

I heard a rumble of thunder, and the rain was starting to pick up.

"Mind explaining why I did that?" Sheppard asked, clicking on his light and pointing it at me.

I'd already turned on mine, holding it between my teeth to illuminate my work while still using both hands. "All power, excluding engine-capability , will be converted to the shield." I explained with slight difficulty over the flashlight in my mouth. "If we left the lights on, the power would be sucked out along with the lightning… basically making it hell to replace once we got back."

"Ah. You don't want to have work to do extra work later." he said with understanding. "Gotcha'."

"Oh good." I deadpanned, then hissed in pain from a sudden shock from the wires, pulling my left hand out and shaking it.

"You all right?" he asked, his light focusing on my singed finger.

I nodded, immediately sticking my hands back into the compartment, saying ruefully "Just another battle scar to show the ladies."

His laugh was genuine. "You and I have different definitions for 'battle scars', I think."

"Yes." I smirked, intertwining another shield wire with an environmental scanner, "My scars show obvious intellect and subtle, yet precise work. Yours… " I shook my head, still grinning with the flashlight in my mouth, "Not so much."

"Hey, my scars impress the ladies." Sheppard argued glibly, tossing the light back and forth between his hands and smiling fondly. Obviously lost in thoughts of the past, he commented softly, "I have _no _doubts there."

If I hadn't had such imperative work to do, saving Atlantis and all, I would've asked him to elaborate. Who doesn't like hearing about the ladies? Regretfully, I had to say, "Okay, time to focus. I've got to convert this shield."

He set his flashlight on the ground pointing towards me so I'd have more light to work with. "Right." Sheppard sat down in the co-pilot's chair again, sighing deeply and staring out the front.

Minutes ticked by as I feverishly disconnected, reconnected, removed, and cut wires, getting shocked more frequently then usual. Lack of light, sleep and food tend to do that to a person. In a way, I was grateful for the painful sparks. It kept me focused, and stopped me from drifting off into those random memories that I'd been prone to do these last couple days. The silence was only broken by rain pounding heavily on the outside of the Jumper and the threatening rumblings of thunder.

After a particularly excruciating shock, I started feeling a tingling all over my body. I was surprised to find the hair on my arms were standing on end. Still surveying my arm, I asked the Major, "Is it just me, or -- "

"No. I feel it too." he said, sounding awed. "It's the storm."

I glanced up, preparing to ask him a question, but instead, burst out laughing; the flashlight falling from my mouth. "Your hair!" I pointed at him, laughing some more.

"What?" he demanded incredulously, lifting a hand to his head. His hair, always, um, _uniquely _styled, was now standing straight up, giving him a peculiar resemblance to Don King.

He realized why I was laughing after patting his head, futilely try to push his electrically charged hair down. He frowned, looking down at my gleeful face. "It's not like your hair is looking any better, McKay."

Unintentionally, I repeated what Sheppard had just done, patting my own head to push down the offending hair. I gave that up quickly though, knowing it was a futile effort, leaning on the pilot's chair and pushing myself up to my feet so I could see out the rain-soaked window instead. "We must be getting close."

Sheppard nodded, still pushing on his defiant hair, which kept rising up. "Almost there."

The sight was amazing. "Whoa."

Still far in the distance, vast and towering clouds waited for us, looking like they were too heavy to be rolling around in the sky like they were. Countless lightning bolts streaked across the night sky, reflecting off the now sinister appearing ocean and giving the impression that the storm was twice as immense as it really was.

The spectacle caused me to recall a brief time, back on Earth, back in the college days even - when I shared an apartment with an eccentric fellow named Gregory.

Greg loved storms; practically lived for them. Planned on becoming a professional storm-chaser once he graduated; ignoring my critical remarks on that profession. I didn't think any Storm-Chasers were listed in the Forbes Fortune 500, I told him one time. He'd replied with something like 'neither are psychotic little bomb builders.'

I'd punched him in the nose, he'd broken one of my telescopes, then we went out to our favorite bar and got drunk.

Back in those days, it wasn't unusual for me to be woken in bed during one of those storms, and look up to see Greg gazing out my window, in a sort of trance. My room had the best view of the sky he always told me enviously -- wanting to swap. But I wouldn't switch with him. I'd worked hard to sound-proof that place so I could explode things in peace.

I shook my head, brought back to the present by a resonant clap of thunder.

Greg had been a nice roommate; head screwed on a little sideways, sure, but nice.

God, I was being nostalgic lately, but at least… well, this memory felt _more_ like a nostalgic memory then the others had. More like I was just pining for the good ol' days-- and not being forced to relive them.

Turning away from the ominous view, I went to the back of the Jumper to grab some tools, lit only by the light from my laptop's monitor. I leaned down and grabbed a scanner, but the scrolling numbers on the screen caught my attention.

Seven minutes.

We'd be cutting it close, I realized while I looked for another tool. I was almost finished with the shield, thankfully, but there were still some details to take care of.

"Ah, there you are." I rejoiced quietly, grabbing the fuser I'd been searching for. I stood, straightening my shirt and started back to the front. I paused, still in the back of the Jumper, tilting my head slightly to the side. That was curious. "Do you smell something?" I asked John.

"Uh," he audibly breathed-in, "No. What is it?"

"Well, I'm not sure but…." I sniffed again, "I think I smell sulfur."

John was sitting sideways on the copilot's seat; still watching the menacing storm, "Is that bad?"

I shrugged. "It can't be _good_, can it? No." I answered my own question, deciding I should find the source before this turned into something bad. And since John wasn't smelling it, it must be coming from the back. I turned around, bringing out the scanner and pressing some buttons.

Hm. Scanner showed nothing unusual. I lowered the device, looking up, maybe I'd just been imagin --

I felt my heart skip a beat.

The glow from the laptop revealed the bottom half of someone sitting in the back of the Jumper, back resting on the wall with legs sprawled out in front of them.

I tried to say something to Sheppard, but my mouth didn't seem to work anymore. I think I might have squeaked.

The legs twitched, and the person shifted, leaning forward so that I could see who it was.

Brendan Gaul's startlingly white eyes stared at me accusingly while blood dripped down the left side of his creased and youth-less face. He was holding his head at an odd angle, the shadows hiding most of his features.

Except those eyes. The eyes were angry and sad and staring and I couldn't look away.

Gaul suddenly twisted his neck so that his whole head was revealed. Mushy brain was exposed in the dim light, bits of his skull mixed in with it. Blood was gushing freely, and running through what was left of his grayish hair.

The smell of sulfur singed my nostrils, it was so overpowering now.

"_You_…" his gravely and dead voice groaned, still facing the far wall, only letting me view his ruined skull, "_You did this to me_…"

I couldn't move, I couldn't think, I didn't even realize that I was shaking.

Gaul slowly turned his face back towards me, lifting a weary finger and pointing it at the nasty hole in his head, "_You did this_…" he uttered, his jaw moving unnaturally as blood began trickling from the corners of his mouth.

No, no, no. This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. We'd buried Gaul and Abrams near the Athosian camps. Weir had said nice things, everyone had said it was a pity, and then I was left with the image of Brendan's dead body seared forever in my mind. In my _head_. Not… not here. Not now.

"_Look at **my** head_…" Gaul ordered as if he'd read my thoughts, still pointing, "_I'll never use it again… I had potential. So much potential….and you_…" The hand dropped, and now he just stared, the obvious anger and resentment held in his gaze stifling me. "_and you killed me… You did this_…"

My eyes were starting to sting, and I realized in some distant, sane part of my mind, that I hadn't been blinking.

Regaining a bit of sense, I felt I had to defend myself to this hideous abomination, "Th - the Wraith did it…" I managed to whisper.

Gaul sneered, his mouth twisting in an ugly fashion that caused more blood to spurt from its sides. "_The Wraith didn't give **this** to me_." His voice had more conviction to it now, and the gun he'd used to splatter his own brains against the Hive Ship walls suddenly appeared in his hand.

"McKay?" A voice called questioningly from behind me; but I didn't really register who it was. I think what was left of my logical mind had fled to the deep recesses of my brain so it wouldn't be tainted by this… this highly irrational event.

Gaul was watching me, gun resting in his limp hand.

"You aren't real." I said- wondering who exactly I was trying to convince.

His eyes flickered sadly before his hand tightened its grip on the sidearm, slowly lifting it up, the muzzle turned towards his already destroyed skull. "_You did this_…"

"No." I realized what he planned to do; begging softly. "Don't."

He frowned despondently, creasing the aged face that surrounded youthful eyes as he prepared himself to pull the trigger; and it was those eyes that made me -- against my will -- go back to the day that it all happened.

Gaul, still young and relatively happy with life -- hadn't even wanted to go down the planet, I remembered. Telling Elizabeth how radio communications would be difficult, ignoring my obvious signs to stop talking. Abrams had been nervous too, but more excited about the prospect of searching an abandoned ship then his friend.

Dividing and leaving the two inexperienced scientists together had been stupid, I realized now. Should've had Sheppard with Gaul. Gaul could've used the military support -- he'd been unreasonably scared, and Abrams would've been okay with me.

But you can't go back in time. God knows how many times I've wanted to -- going over the string of disastrous events again and again, when I should be sleeping in bed, or when Teyla goes on too long telling us about a possible trading partner, or when Sheppard makes me take some hand-to-hand combat training sessions and I don't want to listen to his explanations for every little thing.

It happens a lot.

When I wait too long to start a new project; I'll suddenly be back on that planet -- remembering the moment the gun went off -- me not wanting to turn around to see what I knew was going to meet my eyes, but feeling like I_ had _to.

And now it was happening all over again. This -- this already dead Gaul was about to kill himself again, and I couldn't even move.

It was almost a blessing when he pulled the trigger this time, because the top half of his body collapsed into the shadows of the Jumper, and I didn't have to see him anymore.

"McKay!"

I jumped, clutching a hand over my racing heart as I spun around.

Mr. Paulsen, my unnecessarily cruel fourth-grade teacher stood there, hands on his hips.

"What?" I asked breathlessly, thoroughly confused. I think I had been expecting someone else, but I couldn't remember who. "_You_?"

With a sneer he glanced over at the back of the Jumper, then down at me - because, suddenly I was nine years old again, and he towered over my shaking self. "You idiot! Look at what you did!"

"I -- I -- I didn't -- "

He shook his head in disgust, "Trying to show off again, Rodney? Well look at that." he pointed behind me, in the direction of Gaul's body. "Look at it!" he ordered when I still hadn't moved.

Hesitantly, I turned my head, nearly fainting in horror when I saw Gaul sitting up once again, brandishing a new and gruesome hole where his left eye should've been, smoke rising lazily. His lips pulled back and he was grinning at me with bloody teeth.

"It didn't work." Mr. Paulsen said mockingly, moving to stand beside me. "He's not dead like you wanted. He lives on in here." He poked the back of my head almost painfully. "Forever."

If I'd had anything in my stomach to puke, it would've been on the floor by now. I tried to get away from the horrifying sight, taking a step backwards, but ended up stumbling on shaky legs and falling onto my rear.

I whimpered from the floor, "Please, I… I just…"

"What are you sniveling about _now, _Mister McKay?"

I lifted my eyes from the floor, ignoring Paulsen and gazing at Brendan regretfully; remembering our last moments together, back on the planet.

Why couldn't I have stopped him? If I'd just been paying more attention… taken that damn gun away, maybe. …Not shown him his reflection in the mirror…

So many wrong choices were made that day, and I couldn't take it back -- ever. Gaul was dead, and it didn't matter that I hadn't pulled the trigger. It was my fault. He had been part of _my _science team, and I'd let him down. Allowed him to blow a hole through his own head.

I swallowed convulsively, trying to gain enough control over my shaky and nauseated body so that I could speak.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I finally admitted tearfully to Gaul's corpse -- and, I realized in a strangely distant way, to myself.

He blinked his only remaining eye, but didn't reply.

Mr. Paulsen leaned down and grabbed my wrist, twisting the upper-half of my body around to face him, "Do you think that fixes everything?" he hissed, spittle raining down on my face, "What about _them_?" He put a hand over the top of my hair -- my hair -- my _electrically charged _hair-- What? How? My mind reeled from the sudden uncertainty.

I -- I was supposed to be doing something with Don King? I had to, uh -- I was so confused! There was something about a countdown, I think -- shields, or a city? _Why couldn't I focus_?

I stared at Mr. Paulsen, and I swear, for just a second, his face flickered and someone else was looking back at me.

But it was gone as quickly as it had come.

Suddenly, the world around me began to dissolve, and I tore my gaze from Paulsen, looking in a strangely disconnected way to see what could be happening now.

Rain poured from a dark sky, and I numbly realized I was sitting in the middle of a field I'd played in when I was a kid. My brain wondered slightly how I was back in Vancouver, but that thought was quickly swept away. Where else should I be?

Paulsen was there again, wrenching my arm to gain my attention. He pointed out towards the expansive field behind me, rain dripping from his finger. "Look at them. All the people you don't deserve."

I didn't want to, dreading even the thought of it.

But I did.

Slowly -- hesitantly -- turning to see…

Well.

To see _everyone._

Mom, clasping her favorite copy of the Bible, looking at me with shame written across her face -- Jeannie. An impatient little eight year old version of Jeannie, two pigtails bobbing energetically as she stomped a foot, angry that I'd broken another of her toys with one of my experiments -- My dad. No longer dead, just very old and frail looking, before he'd succumbed to the cancer. Always, _always_ with the disappointed eyes -- A crying Sarah. Damn, how I missed Sarah. I should've said yes.

There were so many people. People from choir, high school, church, college, all the places I've worked… For every stage of life, there was a person I'd let down.

They all watched me with sad, angry, disappointed or ashamed looks, standing silently in the field, oblivious to the rain pounding down on their heads and shoulders.

They were all there; every single person I'd ever met. All of them -- and I'd _hurt _every single one of them. In some insignificant way; or something so horrible it made me flush in angry embarrassment to think about it.

My heart broke.

Paulsen was right. I didn't deserve them. I didn't deserve anyone.

But even as I looked around and seemed to see every person I'd ever known… I felt… Incomplete. Something was missing… a big part wasn't there… there was.._ something_…  
… I just couldn't remember...

---

* * *

--- 

_tbc _


	13. Chapter 13

Oh boy. Has it really been more then a week? Sorry 'bout that, guys.  
Cross my heart, next one'll come faster.

(re-posted with a couple edits)

(13)

* * *

. 

**Sheppard's POV  
Back to the beginning. Again.**

I sat in the Brewin's visitor center, leaning back on the bench next to Ford and listening to Teyla explain her favored sport of Poundball to us. I glanced over and saw McKay wince at her description of a ground pass, not quite comfortable with the idea of having his face smashed into the floor, I supposed with a grin.

Why couldn't all off-world missions be like this?

MG7-855 was uncomfortably warm, granted, but they were accommodating and polite. I mean, hell, the fact that they even _had_ a visitor's center made them all right in my book. Most planets in the Pegasus galaxy usually associated the word 'visitor' with 'prisoner' or the highly favored: 'must be killed immediately'. The Brewins actually _wanted_ us here. Quite a nice change from the norm; no matter how hot their planet was.

The door to my left suddenly banged open, breaking me from my satisfied thoughts.

"Yolee!" I greeted the Brewin leader with surprise, rising to my feet. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ford and Teyla do the same.

"Sorry to have kept you waiting." she said, tucking strands of gray hair behind her ear and breathing a bit heavily, "A rather large Ganoo didn't want to be our supper tonight." She flashed a toothy grin, saying proudly, "Fortunately though, we managed to convince him."

I managed a smile while wondering what the hell a Ganoo was and if she was going to make us eat one.

Fortunately, though, she changed topics almost immediately, clapping her hands together brightly and turning towards me, "Are you ready to have that meeting with Orin, Major Sheppard?"

"Sure." I answered, hefting my pack up onto my back.

I noticed McKay hadn't stood up with the others, and was looking rather content with his current position, fingers intertwined behind his head and leaning back against the wall. "You coming?" I asked him sarcastically.

He gave a small smile, "Uh, that'd be a 'no'. Sorry."

I sighed, considering it. He'd make a fuss if I made him go back out into the heat, and I really didn't want to make a bad impression on the Brewins, since they seemed more then willing to trade with us… and, let's face it, it's not like _that_ happened a lot- besides, we needed the food. Our own supplies from Earth just weren't cutting it anymore, even with the Athosian crops.

"All right." I finally came to a decision, turning to the Lieutenant, "Ford, you stay here with McKay." You couldn't miss the grin that elicited. Obviously McKay wasn't the only one who didn't want to face the heat. "We'll come get you both if they have any questions." I turned to the only Athosian in the room, "Teyla, you ready?"

She nodded and followed Yolee and I back out onto the planet.

As we trudged --well, _I_ trudged; Yolee seemed fine, and Teyla isn't really a 'trudger' no matter what the circumstances -- towards another building, I couldn't help but be jealous of the others waiting back in the cool room. This heat was just insanity-- worse then being stationed back in the Afghanistan desert.

"Yolee!"

We all turned to see a young boy running up to the elder Brewin, a smile lighting up his youthful face.

"What is it, child?" Yolee asked, resting a hand on his shoulder when he pulled up beside her.

The boy was looking at Teyla and I as he spoke, "Bob wants to know if he is preparing supper for the guests tonight, too?"

"Bob?" I repeated, glancing at Teyla with an expectant grin.

She stared back at me blankly. Oh right. The grin slid from my face. Athosian. I wished Ford or McKay were here to appreciate the chef named Bob. Sighing, I looked down at the kid, "Thanks, but I doubt we'll be here for that long."

Totally ignoring what I had just said: "Tell Bob to prepare extra." Yolee patted the boy on the back, sending him away. She held up a hand to stop the beginnings of my protest, "Just in case, Major."

"Fine." I gave-in with a shrug, watching the little boy run off and disappear into the crowd. "But like I said, we probably won't be here for that long." I wiped a hand across my forehead, where beads of sweat had already begun to form, "We're not made for this kind of heat."

She nodded understandingly, "Let us continue to the Meetings House then. It is cooler there."

Teyla and I exchanged a relieved look, once again following the Brewin leader.

We soon arrived at the stone 'Meetings House' and an older man dressed in colorful and impressive looking robes waited outside, holding the door open with a welcoming smile and waving us in. "Come, come in."

As promised, the inside was cooler-- but it wasn't nearly as nice as the visitor's center. If I had to guess, I'd say this place was an uncomfortable 88 degrees-- and I've gotten pretty good at guessing temperatures over the years. Weird talent admittedly, but useful.

I turned to the older man, holding out my hand before remembering that people don't shake hands in the Pegasus Galaxy. "You must be Orin." I said instead, adjusting my P90 to cover up the obvious faux pas.

He bowed slightly in recognition, giving me a full view of the top of his mostly bald head. "I am." He straightened back up, gesturing towards the center of the sun-lit room, where a sizeable woven rug waited, the thread colors matching Orin's robes. "Please, let us get comfortable so we may begin."

We settled into a sort of circle on the rug, with me sitting cross-legged across from the Brewin's, and Teyla to my left.

"This is a very exciting day." Yolee told us, clasping her hands together eagerly, "It has been a long time since we Brewins established new trading partners."

Orin nodded, smiling softly, "Before my time, even."

I pointed a finger towards Teyla, asking, "But, I thought you'd traded with the Athosians…"

Yolee shook her head, "That trading connection was made before our times."

"Yes," Teyla agreed, glancing at me, "the first agreement between our peoples was made long ago."

"Okay." I said, looking back over at the Brewins and giving a slight shrug, "Then, yes, this is an exciting day, indeed."

Orin tilted his head slightly to the side, not fond of my flippant tone, I guessed. "We do not take our negotiations lightly, Major Sheppard." he told me icily.

Uh-oh.

I did not want to blow this deal. We needed food, and the Brewins were more then happy to provide it. "I didn't mean to--" I sighed, trying to think of the right words to say without offending anyone. Time to get into that 'deal' mode Elizabeth was always lecturing me about. "Of course. Neither do we. I'm just trying to understand all the facts here."

Orin sighed, obviously not convinced of my sincerity. "I do not think you understand Major. Before we developed our method of dealing with negotiations and trading partners, our people were nearly wiped out by traitors and liars."

"Not to mention the Wraith." Yolee added grimly, her face solemn as she stared off into one of the random pictures hanging from the walls around the room.

"None of us have escaped the influence of the Wraith." Teyla reminded softly.

"Yes." Orin agreed, breaking the gloomy silence that had settled over the room. He looked back at me, "Allies are a vital part of our community."

"Ours too." I told him honestly; we'd need all the allies we could get when the Wraith did finally reach us.

"This is why the Rif'Ta has become so imperative to our culture." Yolee told me with an important nod, as if I should know what the heck she was talking about.

I looked to Teyla for a translation, but she just shook her head, also perplexed "What's Rif'Ta?" I asked, turning back to the Brewins.

"Rif'Ta is…" Yolee put a hand to her forehead, face screwed up in concentration. "I'm sorry, it is very difficult to think of a proper translation." she explained. Suddenly: "Ah!" She looked back up, smiling. "Rif'Ta is a test of sincerity!"

Orin nodded approvingly, "It is a test of honesty, sincerity, and merit. The exact translation is something similar to 'Life Review.'"

I lifted an eyebrow, immediately put-out with this new information. "A test? 'Life Review?'"

"Yes." Yolee affirmed readily, "All potential partners to the Brewins have taken it-- and those that have passed become our allies."

"Even my people?" Teyla asked, looking astonished.

"That's what I was about to ask." I muttered quietly while Yolee nodded.

"Oh yes. The Athosians are one of our most respected allies because of Rif'Ta." She smiled fondly, "The old books refer to your people very highly."

Teyla was smiling herself now, but she still inquired curiously, "Why didn't I know of our participation in the Rif'Ta?"

Orin linked his hands together in his lap, answering, "We ask all participants not to speak of it outside of our planet, as it is essential to our people that it remains secret."

"Um." I leaned forward, placing two fingers over my bottom-lip as I asked, "What _exactly_ does Rif'Ta involve? I mean, do I need a pencil to take this test or can I use a pen?"

Orin ignored my last comment and glanced at the other Brewin, "Yolee, please go and retrieve the books."

She nodded, leaving our little circle and disappearing into an adjacent room with only a hanging tapestry for a door.

Teyla turned back to Orin, telling him while shaking her head, "I am very surprised that I hadn't been informed of the Rif'Ta by the Athosian elders."

"As am I!" Orin said, sounding clearly pleased. "Although we ask the participants to keep the Rif'Ta secret-- we are not foolish enough to believe it always will be." He smiled, holding out his hand, which Teyla grasped in return. "You have a good and decent people, Teyla."

She smiled, bowing her head a bit, "Thank you, Orin."

I sat back, watching Teyla take the compliment graciously, all the while wondering what the Rif'Ta entailed, and why it was so secret. I didn't like tests, never have; and I couldn't help but have a bad feeling about this.

Yolee returned as I was brooding, carrying about a dozen books, all thick and heavy-looking, stacked upon one another precariously. When she inevitably stumbled, I instantly jumped up and went to her aide, taking more then half the pile myself.

"Thank you, Major." she said breathlessly, regaining her footing.

"No problem." I looked down at the book on the top of my pile. There was no title or author printed on the front like I had expected- being an Earthling and all- just a blank, brown cover that looked weathered and old.

"Are you all right?" Teyla asked Yolee, poised in a half-sitting, half-crouched position, ready to help.

"Yes, yes, yes." she replied dismissively, walking back to the rug and setting her books down carefully in the center.

I followed suit, placing my pile next to hers and returning to my seat.

"So." I watched as Yolee began removing the books from the pile, arranging them cover-side up. "Back to my question. Just what does Rif'Ta involve?"

"One moment, Major." Orin waved his hand back and forth above the books, obviously searching for a particular one. "Ah, here it is." He grabbed one of the largest, bringing it to his lap, flipping open the cover and skimming through the pages. "These books hold all the information of Rif'Ta." he told us, still turning pages. "And before one of your remaining teammates participates in the test, you should read --"

What? "Wait, wait, wait." I held up a hand. "If anyone is taking this test, it's going to be me."

Orin didn't even glance up from the book, "No Major. You cannot."

I crossed my arms over my chest, demanding, "Why?"

Yolee answered for Orin, "A person who knows of Rif'Ta cannot participate." She glanced over at the older man while she spoke, "A person must be completely ignorant of Rif'Ta in order for the test to succeed."

My bad feeling had just been confirmed.

"No way." I told them, shaking my head. "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable making one of my teammates take a test that they're not even aware of."

"Major." Teyla interjected, placing a calming hand on my shoulder, "Rif'Ta cannot be too unpleasant, as my own people have participated in it."

"Teyla--"

"We should at least listen to what it _is_."

I sighed. Teyla was probably right; the Athosians had done it, so maybe it wasn't _all _bad. Besides, we _did_ need the food…

I didn't like it, but I finally conceded. "Fine. We'll listen. But that's all I'm promising."

Teyla removed her hand, looking back at Yolee with slightly raised eyebrows, "Please. Tell us exactly what the person would have to do."

Yolee smiled brightly, while Orin held out his open book towards me. I took it while he said, "That is a picture of where the device would be implanted."

I stared at the outline of a human body with Teyla looking over my shoulder; a sketch of some sort of object was on the base of said person's head, circled in red. "Device?" I repeated disbelievingly, just now registering his words. "_Implanted_?"

"Yes." Orin confirmed, "It is called the Life Reviewer. The _exact_ affects of the Reviewer vary between species; though most generally experience vivid hallucinations, sleep deprivation--"

"_Excuse me_?"

"All temporary, of course. The old books document the longest testing to have lasted only several moons. And, obviously, all damage inflicted on the subjects during the length of the test discontinue once the Reviewer is extracted--"

"Okay." I slammed the book shut, rising to my feet. That was the last straw. "No way. Sorry."

Teyla was looking a bit nauseated, still on the floor.

Orin rose to his feet too, looking outraged. "You do not treat the books that way!"

"You don't treat _people_ that way!" I returned angrily, "I can't believe you want us to--"

"Major Sheppard!" Yolee, already up, looked back and forth between us, absolutely mortified. "Do not speak to Orin disrespectfully!"

And that's when my radio crackled to life.

"_Major_!" Ford's panicked voice came through, "_McKay's been hit_!"

I felt my heart skip a couple beats as I shared a shocked look with Teyla; immediately forgetting about Orin and Yolee and the Rif'Ta. "By who?" I demanded, pushing down on the transmit switch, "Are the Wraith here? Are you okay?" I caught myself, not wanting to overwhelm him.

"_Uh-- negative on the Wraith, sir. It was a Brewin-- he shot him in the back -- I… I think he's breathing, though…_"

"The _Brewins_ shot him?" I asked Ford, staring at Yolee and watching as her face registered horror.

"_Yeah, I…I don't see any blood…_" There was a pause. Then, a rush of static that I interpreted as a sigh.

"What? What is it?"

Ford; sounding immensely relieved, "_It was a tranq sir! Just a tranq_!"

"Are you sure? Just a tranquilizer?" I asked for confirmation, not wanting to get my hopes up.

_"Yes sir. Looks like one."_

I closed my eyes in relief and Teyla, from her new position standing beside me, took up the questioning, asking the lieutenant, "Are you in any danger, Aiden?"

_"I'm okay_." he answered quickly, "_They backed off when I shot off some rounds from the P90_."

My eyes traveled over to the two Brewin leaders as I inquired, "Location?"

_"Burning up on the east side of the Town Square, sir_."

Teyla was already heading towards the door, as I clicked off the radio. "Hang tight, we're coming. Sheppard out."

Yolee called from behind us, "Please! There's been a mistake!"

"Yeah." I agreed, not turning around. "Coming here was a big one."

Teyla disappeared outside, and I was close behind.

It wasn't that difficult to find them. Nearly all movement in the Town Square had stopped, most of the Brewins staring off in the same direction with open expressions of shock and curiosity. Ford was in the middle of a small circle of Brewins, all brandishing their crude weapons at him, while he held his P90 at the ready position, standing defensively in front of the sprawled body of McKay.

I grasped my own P90, pulling ahead of Teyla and yelling to the Brewins, "Hey! Back _off_!"

Amazingly, most of them did, turning around in surprise and lowering their spears and cross-bows.

Reaching Ford, but still watching the Brewins and training my gun on them, I asked, "Is McKay all right?"

"Think so." he said, sounding just slightly amused as he added, "He was snoring a minute ago."

I'd save that chuckle for later. I glanced over at Teyla, "Help Ford get McKay to his feet. We're leaving."

She nodded, walking past me.

I looked back at the gaggle of Brewins, demanding, "Which one of you shot him?"

No one answered me. Well, not with words anyway. They all looked over at the same guy though, making it plainly clear who'd done it.

He glared at the others angrily, holding the tranquilizer gun behind his back as he told me in a petulant voice, "We were ordered to take these two to the medical house! Orin said you were partaking in Rif'Ta!"

"Well, we're not." I said bluntly, lowering the P90 and no longer finding them a threat. I looked back at the others, and McKay, still unconscious, was now being held upright between the two of them, arms slung over their shoulders. "How powerful are your tranquilizers?" I questioned the Brewin holding the gun, not particularly looking forward to McKay's whining when he finally woke up.

He shrugged, looking clueless as he studied the device in his hands, "I do not know."

"Major Sheppard!"

Yolee was jogging towards us, and she looked miserable as she called, "It was all a mistake!"

"Pretty big mistake, Yolee." I said testily while she came to a stop in front of me.

She nodded, sounding very remorseful, "Yes, and I am very sorry." She ran a hand through her hair, biting her lip. "Orin was just so eager to have a new partner… he did not think of the consequences of preparing for Rif'Ta before it was agreed upon."

"Rif'Ta?" I heard Ford say curiously from behind me.

"Later." I told him, turning back to Yolee and telling her frankly, "Fine. I understand it was a mistake. But you have to understand that we no longer feel comfortable here."

She bowed her head. "Yes."

"All right then." I used my P90 to wave towards the Brewin holding the tranquilizer gun, asking Yolee, "How long will McKay be out for?"

She blinked. "Oh. Long time, I'm afraid." Yolee smiled then, saying enthusiastically, "But we can revive him for you now, if you'd like!"

She was obviously eager to make up for Orin's mistake. Admittedly, it _would_ be much easier to make it back to the Jumper with McKay walking himself. The heat was already starting to make me feel light-headed, and I know that Ford and Teyla would feel it ten times worse if they helped McKay; thing is, they wouldn't ever complain about it.

I looked back at my teammates and saw that Ford was already drained, having been out in the sun the longest, slouching a bit under McKay's weight.

"Okay." I finally agreed, causing her face to light up in delight.

"Wonderful! Please, follow me to the medical house."

I walked back and took Ford's burden with little resistance from the Lieutenant; a testament to just how tired he really was. I put McKay's arm around my shoulders, and wrapped my other around his back., balancing it out. I glanced at Teyla, who had beads of sweat shining brightly on her forehead. "You ready?"

With no hesitation: "Of course."

I looked back at the old woman, saying with a nod, "Lead the way."

It wasn't a long trip around the Town Square and to the medical house, but it was pretty exhausting, the heat zapping nearly all our energy. More then a relief when we finally arrived at the medical house, dropping McKay on one of the many cots around the large and expansive room. Windows were placed high above, lighting up the space cheerfully, and paintings hung from the walls, just like in the visitor's center. Rather curiously, I thought, the floor of the room looked not unlike a giant chessboard, tiled in black and white.

Another Brewin appeared out of a curtained-off area of the hospital, bustling over to us, an instrument very similar to a stethoscope hung around his neck, immediately identifying him as the doctor. He eagerly leaned over McKay's unconscious body, asking, "Is he the Rif'Ta participant? Because, he should be taken over there -- " he was pointing towards the curtains.

"No no no!" Yolee answered hurriedly, waving her hands after noticing my look. "No Rif'Ta is taking place today, Delon."

"Oh." He looked disappointed, stuffing his hands into his pockets and surveying us, "I was looking forward to doing a real procedure for once. Well then, what _can_ I do for you?"

"Please revive their teammate." Yolee said; explaining quickly with, "He was… mistakenly hit with one of our tranquilizers."

His eyebrows went up, but he didn't comment. Instead, he turned and informed me, "It will take approximately fifteen minutes for him to regain consciousness once I administer the injection."

"Great. Super." I went to a cot across the room pulling myself up and resting my back against the wall. "We'll just wait here." I told him, crossing my arms.

Ford followed suit, going to his own cot. Teyla crossed her arms and leaned against the wall.

"All right." Delon said, holding up a hand, "You're more then welcome to stay."

"Good."

The doctor nodded and walked back to a line of cupboards, opening one just to begin rummaging through it's contents, muttering to himself quietly.

"I apologize for all of this, Major." Yolee said once again, making me look back over at her. "I hope you can forgive us for this mistake. Is there anything else we can do for you?"

I sighed, asking hopefully, "I don't suppose you'd consider trading with us without having to do the Rif'Ta thing?" It wasn't going to be fun to have to go back to Atlantis and tell Weir MG7-855 was a bust. We didn't have many choices left for food after this. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if she started making everyone plant their own crops on the mainland during downtime.

"Sorry." Yolee replied regretfully. "If you want to trade, you _must _partake in Rif'Ta."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." I said sulkily, watching Delon give McKay a shot in the arm. "Fifteen minutes?"

Delon nodded, "More or less." He went back to his cupboard, putting things away and moving things around. I heard him mutter in an annoyed tone, "_Why_ do we even keep this here?" before taking out an object and slamming it down onto the counter.

My eyes bugged out.

A ZPM!

---

* * *

---

_ tbc_

_- can ya' dig it? _


	14. Chapter 14

angw- nah, you're not being presumptuous- it's a normal tranquilizer. (:  
red- thanks so much! Glad you liked the 'switcheroo' ;P  
cybersyd42- aahgg… sorry sorry! Happy you liked the update, though. :D  
Miran Anders- thank you! I was actually worried about how the switching perspectives came across (if it actually _felt_ like Sheppard rather then just McKay again with Sheppard's name on it), and I'm very glad you thought it was in-character! (:  
Greywolf Lupous- Yeah… yeah. Can't say much, but uh. Yeah. :P Thanks for the review.  
nightpheonix- Thanks! And we're sticking with Sheppard for awhile. We might go back to McKay, but, at the moment, it's not written.  
Silverthreads- thanks! (:  
drufan- you got it. :P  
Elisa- Pretty much, yeah. Thanks so much for the review.

Whoo! Okay, here we go.

(14)

* * *

. 

I calmly asked Delon if I could perhaps, maybe see that object? Much more calmly then I felt. A ZPM, right here, right now, being handed to me.

Ford hadn't noticed, leaning his head back on the wall with his eyes closed; but Teyla stared over at me in wide-eyed amazement.

I gave her a quick and furtive shake of the head, not wanting to let the Brewins in on just how precious this object was if they didn't already know. I glanced up and saw Yolee picking some dirt out of her nails. Going out on a limb, I'd say they didn't realize what they had here.

I still couldn't believe it, even as I carefully turned the sizeable ZPM around in my hands. Why hadn't it shown up on McKay's scans of the planet? Was it totally depleted and worthless, or did the Brewins have some sort of power-barriers we didn't know about?

"So," I started as casually as I could manage, looking up at Yolee again and asking a totally not casual question, "does your planet have any shields or buffers to protect you from the Wraith?"

She was taken aback, giving me a suspicious look. "Why do you want to know?"

I swallowed nervously, telling myself to play it cool. It was hard though, with the answer to most of our problems resting in my hands. "Well, I was just thinking, if you had valuable shield powers, we might be interested in trading for that sort of thing."

She looked happily surprised now. "Really? Even with the Rif'Ta?"

Of course not, but I wasn't going to tell _her _that. I shrugged, "Well, yeah. Shielding ourselves from the Wraith is more important then some silly little test."

Yolee frowned at my irreverent description of the Rif'Ta, but told me anyway, "We have only one shield. It doesn't cover much, and we traded for it long ago."

"Really? Where's the shield generator? 'Cause I'd love to see it."

Ford opened one eye now, giving me a weird look.

"It is located under this very building, shielding us even as we speak. We decided to use it to protect the Brewin's most important possessions."

What? Did she know? She certainly wasn't acting like I was holding her people's most important possession

"The Life Reviewers." she finished.

"Oh!" I said, with a relieved laugh. The shield had been blocking the ZPM's existence from McKay's scanner! No doubt if I took the ZPM outside it would light up his scanner like a Christmas tree. "They're in here, then?"

Yolee tilted her head slightly to the side, saying, "Yes." She glanced down at the ZPM resting in my hands, asking warily, "Why so interested in that?"

I saw Ford lean forward to see what she was talking about, catching sight and looking up at me in shock. Although he had enough sense not to say anything, the damage was done. Yolee noticed his reaction, and in turn, her eyes narrowed suspiciously.

"Delon," she called to the other Brewin who was working on something across the room, "just what _is_ this object?"

He looked over, saw her pointing at the ZPM, then returned to his work, saying uninterestedly, "Useless piece of trill. It has been in here longer then I can remember. Taking up space."  
"I just thought it looked interesting." I told her, trying to sound indifferent and hoping the Brewin word of 'trill' was the equivalent of Earth's 'junk.'

They had a ZPM and didn't even know it, just like back on the Lord of the Flies planet-- but this time their society wasn't depending on the ZPM for survival. This time we _could_ take it, they weren't even _using_ it.

Now if only McKay would wake up so we could get the hell out of here.

Yolee still looked troubled, telling me, "You _do_ know you cannot take that with you when you leave?"

I blinked, my happy thoughts coming to an abrupt halt. Obviously this was going to be harder then I'd first anticipated. "Why not? Like Devon said, it's a useless piece of, uh, trill." I shrugged, even tossing the ZPM lightly into the air, something that would've caused an hour long lecture from McKay if he'd been awake to see it. "I thought it'd look cool in my room."

She came forward and took the ZPM from me. I didn't offer any resistance, not wanting to seem like I cared. Something I'd regret only a moment later. "Trill or not-- we do not trade _anything _without first completing Rif'Ta."

And, just like that, she disappeared out the door, clutching the ZPM against her stomach.

I repeat: _she left with the ZPM_.

We couldn't let this chance go. "Teyla," I called frantically to the Athosian poised by the door while I climbed off the cot, "follow her!"

She nodded, already half-way out the door before she turned back and asked hesitantly, "Should I… take the ZPM by force?"

I was over by McKay now, grabbing one of his arms and hauling him up into a sitting position. "If necessary." I answered after a moment of thought, "Just get the ZPM and go. We'll meet you by the Jumper."

Ford was up and beside me, helping me to get McKay onto his feet and slinging his arms over our shoulders once again.

Devon suddenly noticed something was up, turning around and asking in a puzzled tone, "Where is Yolee? What is going on?

"I don't know." I grunted, Ford and I already next to the door. "She left. We're going to go home now."

"Wasn't their another one of you?" he wondered.

We didn't answer, leaving the medical house behind and trying to make our way through the crowd of Brewins in the Town Square.

It was slow going, both of us panting from the exertion after only a few minutes. And we still hadn't even passed that damn fountain.

"_Major!" _Teyla's voice came over the radio then, sounding anxious. Which was saying something right there. "_I have been… detained_."

I clenched my teeth in frustration, adjusting McKay's limp arm while I asked, "Where are you?"  
"_I'm at the city limits_." she replied quickly, "_The ZPM is gone, and--"_

Static.

"Change course for the city-limits." I told Ford blandly. I'd known, ever since I saw the ZPM, that it wouldn't be that easy. It could never be easy for us. Apparently, God, or the fates, or _whatever, _wouldn't allow it.

Now what do we do? I wondered, hobbling along slowly and feeling sweat begin to trickle down from my hairline. We couldn't run, because there was no way I would leave McKay or Teyla behind. We wouldn't make it to the Jumper because the Brewins were blocking the path that led out. It's not like we could maneuver in that scarce forest with an unconscious man. They had Teyla, and now the ZPM was gone.

Options were limited.

We _needed _the ZPM, that much was clear. The Wraith _were_ coming, and at the moment, Atlantis had no defenses and very limited power. So basically, we could: 1) Ignore the fact that the Brewins even _had_ a ZPM; just apologize for trying to swipe it and leave. 2) Wage a war with the Brewins and steal the ZPM, or 3) Let one man go through some crazy test in order to peacefully gain a ZPM and consecutively save a city.

Choice one was out of the question. We couldn't just ignore a ZPM that wasn't even being used! With the Wraith on their way, and Atlantis quickly using up what little power we had left -- we'd need it sooner rather then later.

Choice two, though… No, I realized with a sigh, releasing McKay's arm for a moment so I could swipe at my damp brow. I suppose we couldn't do that either. Rif'Ta was part of the Brewin's culture and it wasn't our place to force them to change just for our needs. No matter how important those needs were.

Either we opt for choice one or we end up at choice three…

I looked down at the back of Rodney's head, which was lolling forward against his chest. "So. How do you feel about taking that Rif'Ta McKay?" I asked the oblivious scientist. "'Cause if you don't want to… you just let me know."

Ford stared at me. "Um. He's unconscious."

I sighed. "I know that, Lieutenant. Just trying to feel a little less guilty right now."

It was obvious he wanted to ask more questions, probably about the Rif'Ta, or Life Review, or whatever the fuck they called it- but after a moments hesitation, he just said, "Right." and focused on walking again.

We finally passed the Town Square, spotting Teyla at the edge of the path leading out, being held between two large Brewins with Yolee standing off to the side, holding the Athosian's radio and looking pissed.

The ZPM was nowhere to be found.

"Major Sheppard!" Yolee called irritably upon seeing us, pointing a finger at me as if she was an angry mother chastising her son. "You and your teammates are no longer welcome--"

"We need to talk." I interrupted as Ford and I reached the group. "About possibly participating in Rif'Ta."

Teyla's eyes bugged out, and Yolee's mouth clamped shut in surprise. She began to look suspicious. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Major--" Teyla started incredulously, eyes narrowed and tilting her head slightly to one side.

I cut her off more angrily then I should've, "Not now!" I was already feeling the intense guilt and I knew that whatever she was going to say wouldn't help me feel any better about any of this.

She fell silent, jaw twitching furiously.

Yolee watched the exchange, apparently coming to the conclusion that I was serious, because she smiled brightly again. She waved off the two Brewins holding Teyla, with a distracted, "Release her." before saying to me, "We have many things to discuss."

"Yeah," I agreed, adjusting my grip on McKay's waist. "we do."

* * *

. 

Vivid hallucinations, sleep deprivation, confusion, nausea, forgetfulness, lack of an appetite…

Just some of the effects the Life Reviewer _might _inflict on McKay, Orin and Yolee had told Teyla and I, back in the Meeting's House. Of course, he could be one of the lucky few who have no reaction to it at all, though they told me that was extremely doubtful.

Ford was with McKay, back in the Brewin hospital with the scientist sedated once again.

Trying to push the immense feeling of guilt _that_ solicited out of my mind, I'd asked them how long the thing would have to be attached to him. Orin had answered with something like, until we determine if you have a worthy people. Then, much more clearly after a some-what threat from me, no more then a week.

How, exactly, would making a man have vivid hallucinations, sleep deprivation, confusion, nausea, forgetfulness and lack of an appetite, help you decide if we're a worthy people, I'd inquired- and I believe I might have sounded a tad sarcastic.

Orin was prepared with a rather disturbing answer.

"Those are just side-effects to what Yolee will be doing once she is connected with Dr. McKay." he said in a sage-like voice that I'm sure he'd had to practice very hard to get.

I put a hand up against my forehead, rubbing tiredly. I was in no mood for new surprises like this. "Connected?" I repeated after a moment.

"Yes. Yolee will be connected to your scientist through her own Life Reviewer, effectively evaluating Dr. McKay's life up to this point. Her examinations will cause the hallucinations and confusion. As advanced as the Reviewer is technologically, our ancestors were unable to totally block the effects from the Rif'Ta participant."

I blanched at this new information. Although, really, what had I been expecting with a thing called a Life Reviewer implanted in him? "Evaluating his... life."

"Major, you can _not_ do this." Teyla insisted forcefully, eyes blazing with barely contained anger as she stepped in front of me, "This _Rif'Ta,_" she spat out the word as if she couldn't stand even saying it, "is an atrocious and disgusting practice." She spun around and told Orin heatedly, "We will _not_ participate in this!"

"Teyla!" I said in surprise, grabbing her arm and pulling her away from the shocked Brewins and over to the side of the room so we could talk privately. "We don't have a choice in this! We need that ZPM, and you know it!" I told her in a low voice, releasing her arm.

She pursed her lips, shaking her head and whispering back, "I… can not believe you are even considering this, Major."

"Look." I sighed, staring down at the floor and trying to gather my thoughts. Her unusual showing of this much emotion had me feeling off-kilter. How could I defend myself, when even _I_ didn't know if I was making the right choice here? I glanced up, meeting Teyla's eyes. "If you had the choice to possibly -- no, _probably_ save Atlantis, you'd take it, wouldn't you?"

"Not at the expense of one of my friends." she said softly, looking away.

I clenched my jaw in frustration. "Don't you think McKay would choose to do this if he had the choice?" I demanded, though I didn't even know for sure about that "He wants a ZPM as much as the rest of us!"

"We do not know what the doctor would choose! And that is not the point!"

I clenched my fists in frustration, asking, "Just what is the point, then?"

She threw up her hands in disgust, pushing past me.

"Where are you going?" I asked angrily, not even turning around.

"I will be waiting with Aiden." Teyla replied stoically.

She opened the door slowly; obviously waiting for me to say something. But, apparently, I waited too long, because she stormed out.

"Keep your radio on!" I finally yelled as the door slammed shut.

The room was filled with awkward silence.

I closed my eyes, trying to think. Teyla's clear opposition to the Rif'Ta had left me with some serious doubts.

Orin cleared his throat loudly, asking, "Are you ready to continue Major?"

"Uh…" I shook my head, glancing over at the old man, and deciding to bring up something I'd been putting off, "Before we go any further, I need to go back to Atlantis and clear this whole thing with Weir."

He looked confused.

"My, uh, boss."

Yolee and Orin exchanged a look.

I decided to press my luck, "And, I'm not trying to be rude, but I also need _our_ doctor to check out your… Life Reviewer thing. Show him the procedures and the schematics. Make sure it's safe."

Orin and Yolee both looked hesitant and began whispering to each other conspiratorially for a minute or so, leaving me to bring out my water canteen and take a long and satisfying drink. They pulled away from each other and Yolee finally announced, "You are allowed passage back to Atlantis, and your doctor can review the books and may speak to Devon about the procedure."

I gave them a wane smile, twisting the lid back on. "Great."

* * *

. 

"What do you think, John?" Elizabeth asked after I'd finished explaining the eventful trip to MG7-855, poised on the edge of her desk with arms crossed over her chest.

I shook my head in irritation, seated in the chair in front of her. "No, no. That's what I came here to ask _you. _Not the other way around."

Elizabeth sighed, pushing herself from the desk and walking to the other side, letting a hand play idly with her hair as she gazed out the large window. "Well. Let's be truthful here. We need a ZPM."

"Right." I agreed, "And they're willing to give it to us."

"Yes," Weir nodded, "in exchange for raping one of our colleagues minds." she finished, suddenly furious. Dropping her hand and turning away from the spectacular view of the ocean at sunset, she looked back at me. "What the hell kind of test is this? 'Rif'Ta?' '_Life Reviewer_?' I mean, come on, how demented can it get out here?"

I nodded, lifting a hand in understanding. "I know. It's insane."

She pursed her lips, looking back out the window; the frustration she was feeling obvious in her bunched up shoulders.

The back of her head faced me as Elizabeth asked once again, "What do you think John?"

She wasn't going to let me escape the question, was she? I leaned forward in my chair, elbows on my knees and clasping my hands together while resting my chin atop. I answered cautiously, "I think… we need a ZPM."

"So, you want to do it?"

"Of course I don't _want _to!" I snapped, the tension and stress of the situation getting the better of me. I took a breath, ordering myself to calm down. "But, do we have any other choice?"

She turned around, arms crossed once again as she admitted, "Not that I can see." She suddenly bit her bottom lip, glaring down at the floor and saying softly, "John. You know Rodney even better then I do."

I quirked a surprised eyebrow, allowing a vague, "Okay…" waiting to see where she was going with this.

"If he knew the choices… if he knew that we had to do this to get a ZPM…" She met my eyes now, asking with an intense look, "Do _you _think he would choose to do it?"

I lifted my chin, decidedly uncomfortable with the question, knowing that my answer would pretty much decide McKay's fate.

"Do I think he would choose to do it?" I repeated unnecessarily.

She nodded lightly.

If she'd asked me that three months ago… No. I would've been sure with that answer. No way he'd sacrifice that much for us. For anyone. But now that I really _knew_ the man… I rubbed my hands together thoughtfully, remembering the scientist's bravery during the storm with the Genii. Just one of the many flashes of heroism McKay seemed to have. He'd _actually_ stepped in front of a gun for Weir.

Not possible, I would've thought three months ago. If someone had come up to me and said, "Hey, you know that guy McKay? Yeah, well he just stepped in front of a gun for someone." I'd answer, "No, no, you've gotta' be confusing him with someone else. Maybe that Czech dude?" Which was my fault really. Because three months of being at Atlantis hadn't changed him. Three months at Atlantis had allowed him to be who he really was, and I'd only caught on now.

Damn, way back when we first came here even, he'd saved us all by stepping into that energy creature thing and tossing the Naquadah through the Stargate to send it on it's way. Granted, he'd been invulnerable at the time, but something like that took bravery and courage not all people possess.

Nobody had even asked him to do it. He just _did. _The egotistical, self-preserving scientist had done that all by himself.

Wistfully, I realized that I actually _did_ know the man now. Knew from weekly poker games just how bad of a liar he was, or how he rambled and mixed his words together when he was excited… or how he actually backs up that fantastic ego with that equally fantastic brain of his.

He wasn't all talk, that guy. Sure he talked _a lot_, and most of it wasn't all that relevant, but he backed it up. That's what it's all about, really. The follow-through. The saying, 'I can fix this incredibly complicated object, and I'll even make fun of you while I do it.' and then, damn it, he _did it_. Every time.

I dropped my arms, sitting up straight in the chair, "Yeah." I answered Weir finally; but now without a doubt. "He'd complain about it, but, eventually, he'd do it."

She smiled slightly during the last part, saying, "Yeah, I think so too."

I rose from the chair then, asking uncertainly, "So, we're doing this?"

Elizabeth's arms flexed unconsciously as she glared down at her desk, mulling it over.

"Yeah." She glanced up, "We're doing it." She paused, letting us both realize the severity of the decision.

But she didn't wait long before giving me quick orders, "Take Carson with you. Have him go over _everything._ If he thinks that there's any way this 'Life Reviewer' may harm Rodney permanently… or if he thinks it's not worth it -- we'll just back out."

"Just back out. No problem."

"Right."

---

* * *

--- 

_tbc  
_


End file.
